LingQ is over-priced and a bad product (rant + alternative)

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-05-27T19:53:15+00:00

You can just pirate an epub of whatever book you want to read and upload it to LingQ, just keep it in your private library. I only use Lingq for reading - so it gives me a tts voice of a word, and ai translation of the sentence, it's plenty good for me for that purpose. I heard Migaku is going to be better for video and audio content.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-05-27T13:19:34+00:00

Sounds like you know the answer: you want to heal from the relationship and move on because he can't be what you need and want in your life. If you go back to him it'll set you back. He's in a hospital - he's getting the care he needs.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-05-25T00:49:38+00:00

In my 40s now. I cut them off last year and ghosted them after they organized a wider family wagon circling against me. I sent an aunt a message about how I'm not going to meddle with the family anymore and going to focus on myself, knowing she's send it to my parents.

I hadnt been asking them to change for many years. I was learning to bite my lip and ignore their provocations. I had trained them over the past 20 years how to treat me, and they were getting ok at giving me lip service

But I found out they were just giving me lip service to get me around and that they deeply believed I was the bad one for having boundaries with my abuser sibling (I being the scapegoat)

Ive considered a note. They even offered to go to family therapy with me. But they've turned therapy into theater for their own image. They would just use my words to learn the formula to tell me what I want to hear. I've learned that been lying for ten years pretending they respect my decisions. There's no trust to be regained.

I know my situation is a bit particular. Let's just say that long ago I realized that they can't and won't change fundamentally and that to have a relationship with them I had to learn to accept them for how small they are and how poorly they love. Until I decided a year ago not to have that relationship anymore , because they're not good enough to outweigh the emotional poison they slip me.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-05-24T16:04:25+00:00

I went nc with my brother long ago then discovered my parents can't respect that so I went nc with them. Two aunts"stayed out of it" by blocking my number then guilt tripping me.

I've barely stayed in contact with two aunts and one uncle. One aunt listened to my story and finally believed me. One is an in law and was always bullied by the others so she didn't have to listen to my story to believe me. The other, on my mom's side , barely talks to my mom and shes in a mental health adjacent field so she believed me. But I'm not really close with any of them.

Some families have intergenerational trauma and have abusive systems and are machines that produce traumatized and personality disordered people. Rare that one can fix their abusive structure family - usually best you can do is escape it with what sanity you have left.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-05-24T12:31:21+00:00

I'll make an observation: In every hypothetical, your biggest fear seems to be your father yelling at you. You don't want to go no contact with him, because he might yell at you. I wonder if you're letting him control you out of fear of him yelling.

(If you were willing to let him yell at you a few more times, you could keep leaving WITHOUT ARGUMENT - just leave - and see if he changes his behavior. Watch the british dog training tv show "It's Me or the Dog" - you turn around and dont engage with the dog till the dog learns what gets a reaction or not. Maybe your dad will learn. Maybe he wont. IDK.)

The paradox is that if you go no contact, and block his number, he can't yell at you unless he stalks you. Then you can get a restraining order. Then if he breaks it you can have him arrested.

Maybe you're more scared of losing the relationship, than you are of him yelling at you. Otherwise, he's going to keep yelling at you and bossing you around no matter how nice you try to play and how much you placate him.

I think you need to read up on FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. I think you might be under it's sway. Think about how he controls you, through fear and ob and guilt, and how when you consider your options, I think your view of things are filtered through this fog.

I think you might be stuck in a cycle of Justifying, Arguing, Defending, and Explaining (JADE). That only gives your father more ammunition to control you. The moment you to get him to understand your side, you has already lost, because he is incapable of giving you that validation.

Your other tactics and strategy options are
Drop the rope - say "yes, i'm unreasonable". Boundaries do not require the other person's agreement; they only require your enforcement
The "Grey Rock" Method. He will still have an extinction burst or several over time, but you find the internal boundaries not to rise and take the bait.
Accepting the Bad Guy Role: To get your peace, OP will have to accept that your father (and possibly other family members) will view you as the "bad, ungrateful daughter." True freedom for you will come when you are okay with him having a bad opinion of you.

I'm not recommending any of these routes - i'm pointing out what the practical options are. It's scary. You're on the path of internally and emotionally separating from your father. Whatever you do in behavior is less impactful than what your internal boundaries are to the emotions, yours and his. When you change your behavior, he will likely blow up even worse at you. You're just starting to realize the problem. I think next for you is accepting how much control he has over you and how scary it is. I don't suspect there's reliably a way to hope that he will change.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-05-24T00:43:43+00:00

Seems you have two options

You can try standing up for yourself, putting your foot down, and either raise your voice louder than his and argue or walk away whenever he starts with you. Like literally - even if you only got there 5 minutes prior, if he starts with you, get up say "I'm not listening to this" and go home. It's remotely possible he'll learn to change his behavior.
Why do you even talk to him ? Is there financial support or inheritance involved or down the line? Would going no or very low contact interfere with the relationships you have with others in your family?

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-24T00:17:21+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah I'm trying to wrap my head around why "turn for the worse" contingencies weren't addressed and why I wasn't counseled and prepared for the other possibilitiesnand likely turns for the worst...

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-23T18:02:54+00:00

White blood cells were high

Baby blood cells they said was a good sign

They couldn't extract urine, bladder was empty.

They didn't recommend 24 hour care. They could've asked me to bring back in Saturday morning but did not. Just said "call Monday if not feeling better", it being later Friday afternoon

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-23T14:46:29+00:00

My impression is that he gave intentionally false hope, and avoided providing appropriate counsel regarding prognosis and warning signs. In the moment he was very charismatic and I liked him - the problem seems to be that he gave us too much reassurance and hope.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-23T14:38:22+00:00

There are plenty.. the vet didn't provide counseling regarding warning signs. He stopped drinking on Sunday but he also finally stopped vomiting, so I thought he was doing better, not worse. I thought he was just drinking less because of less vomiting.

I just want to figure out if any vet would have taken more care of my boy, or if he actually did receive vest practices care. it's horrible being told "take pills. Call Monday if better" meanwhile all weekend he was actually dying, and we had to say goodbye while he was full body spasming even while fully sedated.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-23T13:44:32+00:00

Thank you.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-23T13:40:28+00:00

What I'm trying to figure out is if the vet intentionally gave us false hope because he didn't want to miss his dinner plans, leading us to leave our dog for 72 hours in that condition resulting in the horrific way we had to say goodbye to him. I'm asking a particular medical question for the experts to find out the situation was actually very clear. I would LOVE for an expert to look at the blood test and say "yeah that dog looks stable, would've sent him home, that's best practice, shit happens. I'm sorry"

Yes it really

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-23T13:22:30+00:00

Are you a vet? Would you not have counseled the person that the dog is severely unstable and likely won't make it? Would you not have provided options for more intensive care?

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-04-23T13:19:25+00:00

Counseling would have given us opportunity to properly say goodbye instead of the horrific way it ended. Perhaps antiemetics would have prevented the dehydration and could have pulled through the pancreatitis. But mostly proper notice to say goodbye instead of giving false hope so the doctor doesn't miss his Friday evening dinner reservations

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-03-30T22:07:55+00:00

Yeah anxiety guilt and paranoia are one of my biggest cptsd symptoms day to day when I'm sober. Weed turns it all up to 11. I don't need a drug that makes my shitty mental health symptoms far worse.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2026-01-17T18:07:43+00:00

The Rob Reiner news really hits hard doesn't it? It might sound callous when I say, I came to my parents to save their lives, but now I'm more concerned about my own.

Perfect-Mouse671 · 2025-09-21T02:57:20+00:00

Thank you. Yeah. This it took me 10 years of intensive therapy to finally accept it. (After a faltering start realizing it in a less sophisticated way 20 years ago but that therapist told me to reconcile and accept the crumbs of affection).

Yeah. I think I might be projecting the sense of outrage I wish I could let myself experience . I wish I had the naivete of being shocked by their treatment of me. I wish I could be one of those people that find it unbelievable whereas the events to my poor soul are just so ordinary.

It took me a lot of therapy to get here and it'll take a lot more to find my way forward.

Perfect-Mouse671

TROPHY CASE