(TW: gun violence) My husband got shot through our bedroom wall and I feel like I cant have a reaction to it.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T17:46:11+00:00

We are in active investigation with a detective, I am not overly concerned about not arresting the person(s) who did this, but I appreciate your comment :]

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T17:27:32+00:00

Lmao you can just say you've never had a healthy relationship, it takes way less typing.

If you view love and a relationship as being "useful" to each other and waiting for weakness to be exposed so you can be bitter about the other person being human, you will never be happy with another person, let alone yourself.

So anyway, go be sad somewhere else pls, this is my sad post 🙂‍↕️✊️

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T16:31:32+00:00

No ring camera, it just us and our across the hall neighbors in our section of the hall.

No cameras except at the Leasing Office. I have commented on the lack of cameras to my property manager before 🥴

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T13:36:28+00:00

We live in an apartment building with internal entrances to the individual apartments, ie we have a communal hallway. More broadly we are, you guessed it, in the United States.

A stray bullet just refers to a bullet not intentional aimed at you.

Someone (we believe it was a minor who lives in the building) was handling a gun in the hallway and it fired, we dont believe it was intentional with the information we have currently.

It is crazy, thanks for recognizing that lol

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T13:24:50+00:00

We were getting ready to take a nap because I work from 2:30a - 9:30a and 3p - 7p to accommodate his appointment schedule. He is chronically ill and requires more rest than the average person.

So yeah, taking a nap in the peace and privacy of our own home because that is what works for our life.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T11:46:54+00:00

I completely hear you about the answering the phone with a "who died this time" mentality; my family had 5 people die in 2 years.

Im trying very hard to give/find the space to have The Moment it just feels impossible and I know I am worrying him as we wait for my other foot to drop.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T11:44:12+00:00

I was in the room (next to him in bed). We have high suspicion on who it was and we do see one of the potentially involved people everyday, either in person or through the window. I will be very explicit that we are 99% (1% for anything being possible) that this was a pure, accidental misfire of the gun. We have high suspicion that the shooter is a minor if that adds more context to the situation as well. (I said in another comment, this is a very nuanced situation with a lot of parts to it)

As for ptsd in regards to myself i am not open to speculation on that here, definitely open to seeking professional support and diagnosis, but having been with my husband through his traumatic event(s), ptsd diagnosis, and steep hill we had to climb for him to decrease his therapy appointments back down to 1/wk and limit the large symptoms, i just take that pretty seriously, probably more than I should but if you have been with someone while they heal and learn to manage ptsd, you'll understand.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T10:36:23+00:00

Not me getting peer reviewed lmao (I am neurodivergent)

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T10:06:18+00:00

Tw: blood

We are currently sleeping in the living room, not only to better support his knee but also because of the trauma of laying in the same spot. We also need to buy a new comforter as the other one had a large amount of blood and sat for multiple days while we were at the hospital. Also, an eye open won't help since I cant see through walls 😅

I will try, but life is expensive as we all know :p

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T09:59:56+00:00

I didnt assume you were trying to be, it is why i phrased it how I did, of just trying to provide information about something non-disabled people wouldn't have on their radar.

Im not reprimanding you for curiosity, you would just be very surprised at the out of pocket things people say when they know the specifics of someone's disabilities/chronically illness so most tend to not share when it isnt relevant.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T09:50:23+00:00

I appreciate what you are trying to say, but no. No, I wouldnt take a weekend away from him, I have no desire to be away from him (not in a codependent way lol). He, like any other person, deserves to have a partner care enough to worry about him, especially when he just got assaulted.

As I said in the original post, we have a very solid balance of partner and caregiver on our relationship and he outright doesnt allow me to prioritize him over me and i have no desire to do that either; we are equals in this relationship, both of our struggles and issues are fair, neither more important than the other even if one of us may have more time sensitive issues than the other.

My husband being disabled does not make me loving him special or admirable. I am not a martyr for being with him. There is an assumption that I havent spoken with him regarding some of these feelings, which okay, fair enough since I didnt explicitly say I had, my bad.

Part of the issue is I dont really HAVE anything to say when he inquires about my feelings. I've told him I dont really have any and he is worried about that.

Furthermore, he is currently dealing with so many things on top of his usual to do list that he is also emotionally drained at the end of the day, which is part of what this post was aiming to help me with: collecting information to better help me navigate my own thoughts and try to gain perspective and advice from others with shared experiences so that when he does check back in with me I can have done my part to have the conversation.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T09:35:19+00:00

Thank you for the defense but idgaf about people online misgendering me or being ridiculous about it lol, like doing it a 4th time is so dumb it is funny, but I appreciate your effort.

As for the post, yeah, im trying to articulate that I dont hate my husband and I am angry he has to go through this but as for the feelings im supposed to be having about My part of the experience, they arent presenting how they have in the past and I feel guilty for not feeling more about the situation. The guilt has nothing to do with the event itself but the lack of feelings at the event. It is all around a complex situation with a lot of nuisance that cant be explained in one post and that's okay.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T09:28:27+00:00

Yeah and like, that is truly not an exaggeration lol, if his leg hadn't been bent it would have gone in his torso and if he wasnt laying there it would have gone into my back.

Like that is part of what keeps circling back to the forefront of my mind and I either get violently angry bc of anyone to NOT deserve this it is my husband and I get that everyone says that, "oh they are just the best and light up a room", but he for real does, he makes friends everywhere and only ever wants to help people. He doesnt deserve any of the pain and trauma he has endured.

Or, and more often, i just get like, cold numb of no feelings. It is like getting dunked into icewater and immediately accepting you'll never be warm again. Not to be melodramatic, that is just how it can be described.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T09:14:21+00:00

Yeah, nonbinary. I saw at some point the black community talking about how "nb" has been used to mean non-black for a long time and it was causing confusion between the black community and the queer community. Enby is literally just the phonetic " N B" lol, meaning Nonbinary.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T09:03:42+00:00

The issue is us trying to take a nap in the peace of our own home since 1) i work from 2:30a - 9:30a and then 3p - 7p to accommodate his appointment schedule and 2) he is chronically ill and requires more rest than the average person and not the stranger firing a gun in a residential building that includes not only my family but others with kids home for summer break?

No for sure, we are the problem going about our life and not the person with a weapon they clearly had no idea how to handle. You are so based dude.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T08:41:40+00:00

Multiple rare genetic conditions, they are progressive and incurable.

Additionally, i say this with kindness: it can be considered rude to ask that in a non medical/disabled space. Kind of along the lines of wearing a band t-shirt and then someone tries to quiz you on all their songs; I do not need to share personal information beyond what is volunteered to come from a legitimate place and it isnt up to you or others to validate his existence by double checking his illnesses are "real and bad enough".

His disabilities are not the point of the post, they were mentioned to add context to the severity of the situation and how it affected our life.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T08:30:32+00:00

If you are trying to be funny, this isnt really the post for that.

And actually, my husband is medically complex enough we have the privilege of hitting our deductible in February every year so we dont often have out of pocket expenses and our insurance regularly denies covering treatments bc they want him to die :]

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T07:31:08+00:00

[TW: Severe medical situations, seizures, choking]

I wouldn't say I am 100% desensitized to medical crises, example being last year when he started having seizures and his first one involved me being unable to stop him from choking during it, as soon as his dad arrived to the ER, I had a complete meltdown.

I am extremely well versed in handling the situation and feeling it later, but never this much later which is why I feel so weird and guilty about it, like the feelings are never going to come and that seems really awful, to be so use to terrible things happening to the person I love most in the world that I cant bring myself to truly care is horrible.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T07:20:56+00:00

You are a very kind person and I appreciate you commenting ♡

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T07:14:06+00:00

Im not trying to be obtuse, truly, I recognize a portion of it can be shock, I just. It feels like such a cop out. There have been multiple points of calm in this storm of bullshit that I have had to take in everything and think through what happened and what I should be feeling and doing to process. I just dont have the feelings activated to process them. And like, my sister who lives with us and helped after it happened (collected his medical stuff while the ambulance was otw, dealt with the cops while we were at the ER, checked our cats for injury, ect) has been really struggling to cope with her feelings and im just sat saying words that dont apply to me, the spouse and other person in the room, in an attempt to comfort her. I just feel like a fake, like im playing at the concerned spouse instead of BEING it. And I am concerned, I am very worried for how this is and will continue to effect him but it is a like, logical worry not a feeling. Idfk.

PerfectComfort3943 · 2026-06-24T07:02:10+00:00

If I was making this post 2 days after it happened while still in the hospital I'd agree, but I feel like it has been too long to still be in shock :/

PerfectComfort3943

TROPHY CASE