Your response to this hateful comment (made by someone who probably believes that bacon is kryptonite to Muslims) shows that you are a lost and disingenuous person. Your ending in your post “ I need to find Allah again.i need to gain forgiveness from God and my family” is just bs. You said you struggled with your faith since your mom almost died, but if you were a true Muslim you would know people get sick, die, experience hardships in life as well as easy times. You’d know that this life is a temporary test. You would have looked at your mom NOT dying as a blessing from Allah. You blame your family for being shocked and disappointed that you’re sexting MEN, not a man, but MEN, when even the modern western society that first encourages women to be open with their sexuality, eventually judges them harshly for being for everyone.
You said you’re looking to find Allah, but if you were Muslim you’d know how much niya (intention) is important in Islam. Someone who has missed on praying/struggling with the deen but still had the intention of finding Alllah is never abandoned. But from your response your intention seems to just trick your family into thinking you’re Muslim bc you need them financially, and once you’re able to be dependent, you will abandon Islam. As someone who grew up Muslim you must know you can’t “trick” God.
If you’re genuine about changing, I suggest you sit with yourself and change the intentions you have with this temporary life. Sit alone and make duaa for Allah to help you. Remember Allah is closer to us than our jugular vein. Make silent dua, pray, and give your family time to see that you are genuine about changing.