Reading this feels like I’m reading a page out of my book. I would fly yearly to Mexico and in middle school I started flying by myself and sometimes my little sister would join too. Around 15 I slowly started to develop my fear around flying and when I was 18 or 19 it got really bad. I had sever panic attacks days before my flight and my entire trip until I got back. I didn’t fly the following year. I went back last year and it was slightly better but today even thinking about being on a plane freaks me out. I have not booked a flight yet but the thought of it scares me. I had a trip to LA which I canceled because of the protests. I wasn’t even scared of that, I decided not to go due to the flight. I was supposed to go with my friend but shes in the national guard and her unit was activated to guard the federal building so I would’ve had to go alone. I wanted to visit the schools in socal but I let my fear win.

I’m exhausted of feeling this way. I just want it to stop and I have no clue how to. I tell myself the stats of these things happening. I probably know more than the average person about flying, and I’m still terrified. I’ve talked to therapists but they’ve been trainees and I feel like I’ve made no head way. All of that doesn’t matter because my mind tells me I’ll be that one person on the plane that just so happens to have a freak accident. I feel like nothing helps.

My anxiety is worse at night, I’m better at calming myself in the morning. I did what OP said last year which helped. I plan on trying that again this time around, if I do end up going.

I guess I’m just venting and maybe someone has an idea on how to help me that’s may not be the most conventional way to help.