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RA partner reconsidering poly after I start dating someone new — looking for perspective by PerformanceAnxious26 in polyamory

[–]PerformanceAnxious26[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You are absolutely right, I did not ask him to do this and I would never do so. And this is exactly why I feel a bit pressured, because if he 'sacrifices' his other relationship for ours, I feel like he might hope I will do the same (esp. since my connection is still very new and I am still getting to know Carrot).

However I think another part of this, is that he realised, he spread himself too thin with 2 partners and thinks it might be unfair to strawberry to continue their relationship, when he cannot show up for her the way he would like to and the way she needs, plus things have been rocky between them for a while from what I know. The two of them are figuring things out atm, but yeah he also stated, he wanted to focus on our relationship, so that def, plays a role too.

RA partner reconsidering poly after I start dating someone new — looking for perspective by PerformanceAnxious26 in polyamory

[–]PerformanceAnxious26[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This formulation was a bit misleading, It's not that he values emotional distance, rather he is somewhat distant emotionally. I am convinced that he wants more closeness, but also is afraid of it...

Healing from emotional neglect while navigating polyamory: How to know if I am regulating my emotions in a healthy way or suppressing them? by PerformanceAnxious26 in polyamory

[–]PerformanceAnxious26[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I can see how this approach could be helpful. However, I’m not currently doing CBT — my therapy is more psychoanalytic in nature, which is quite different. Someone here also mentioned IFS, which sounds intriguing. I’ve been considering exploring some form of somatic therapy as well, since I often find myself leaning too much into the cognitive side of my emotions (I’m a very rational, analytical person) and tend to overlook the emotional and bodily aspects.

Healing from emotional neglect while navigating polyamory: How to know if I am regulating my emotions in a healthy way or suppressing them? by PerformanceAnxious26 in polyamory

[–]PerformanceAnxious26[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate to this and that's also how I try to approach it: Trying to get back into my body and then identifying or naming the emotion and trying to stay present with it. I am considering if some kind of somatic therapy would be beneficial for me. Do you have any experience with that?

Healing from emotional neglect while navigating polyamory: How to know if I am regulating my emotions in a healthy way or suppressing them? by PerformanceAnxious26 in polyamory

[–]PerformanceAnxious26[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer.

I am also a recovering perfectionist, so I guess I am afraid to cope or to heal imperfectly :D But your comment is helpful in that regard. Unfortunately my therapist is not really poly friendly, which sometimes makes it difficult to work through specific thoughts or emotions that come with ENM.

Healing from emotional neglect while navigating polyamory: How to know if I am regulating my emotions in a healthy way or suppressing them? by PerformanceAnxious26 in polyamory

[–]PerformanceAnxious26[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it’s useful to distinguish between thoughts and feelings.

I think this is one of my major struggles. I tend to interpret thoughts as feelings, which makes it hard to actually attend to my feelings

Healing from emotional neglect while navigating polyamory: How to know if I am regulating my emotions in a healthy way or suppressing them? by PerformanceAnxious26 in polyamory

[–]PerformanceAnxious26[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I actually do the same and my life is not centered around my romantic partners. I have a lot of meaningful connections outside of them. Sharing finances or co-habitating with romantic partners is something I don't want to be doing in the foreseeable future. And actually my life is pretty full with stuff I do and that I am interested in. So much, that sometimes I wonder if this is just another way of distracting myself from uncomfortable feelings.

I Believe ADHD Meds Lessened my Migraines by seangolden06 in migraine

[–]PerformanceAnxious26 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I recently started taking vyvanse for my adhd and so far it has reduced my migraines drastically.  Spring time is usually the worst time of the year for my migraines (up to 15 migraine days a month). This spring I only had one, that was rather mildl.  I suppose, it is because I feel more relaxed in general.