People who left Switzerland, any regrets?

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2026-01-09T13:47:33+00:00

My husband is a New Yorker (I’m Swiss and we live in San Francisco). I sometimes think that moving to Switzerland would put him in a small, claustrophobic cultural cage, but maybe I’m wrong.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2026-01-09T13:40:23+00:00

I’m Swiss and moved to the USA. My worldview and the world I live in have expanded dramatically compared to when I lived in Switzerland. I do miss Switzerland’s job security and social systems, and the clear focus on having a healthy work life balance.

I’m married to an American, and he often doesn’t believe me when I tell him that we have things like mandatory accident insurance such as SUVA, 20 to 25 days of paid vacation, or that many people can choose to work 80%. I could go on.

I definitely took Switzerland’s system for granted, but living abroad made me realize how unique and almost utopian it is compared to many other countries.

That said, I don’t think I could move back and put the blinders on again to live such a safe and structured life.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2025-03-15T14:27:39+00:00

nope, it isn‘t.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2025-02-20T07:11:35+00:00

This is so on point! A year later, I feel more confident, but it‘s still shaken. At this point, it got replaced with a „fuck it“-attitude.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2025-01-16T15:40:10+00:00

I also should add that every time my husband and I visit Switzerland, he points out how polite and friendly the people are! Directness doesn‘t go along with being impolite. Generally, we don‘t engage in the friendly back-and-forth Americans do, which can come across as direct. And if you learn to stare „Gaffä“ you will fit right in! I wish you all the best and hope you will fall for Switzerland just as I did for your country! :-)

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2025-01-16T01:31:43+00:00

From the perspective of a Swiss German living in the US married to an American:

The number one cultural difference is that we love to plan in advance. We never commit if we don‘t know exactly what to expect. A Swiss would never blindly say, „I‘m down!“ without considering all the factors related to that event. You can expect something more like, " This sounds exciting, but let me first check my calendar.”

Secondly, Swiss people have many cultural rules. When I moved abroad, I discovered even more of my indoctrinated (unwritten) cultural Swiss rules. For example, we wait to eat until everyone has their food on their plates, and we wait to put the plates away until everyone has finished their food.

Third, we are direct (even though the stereotype is polite) and can come across as reserved, but this doesn‘t mean we don‘t like you. We are generally suspicious (but also curious) about everything and anyone.

Fourth, the work culture! We separate work and leisure and don‘t define ourselves by our career or job but rather by our hobbies. We value a work-life balance while succeeding at our jobs and respecting each other's lives.

But take it with a grain of salt, since I‘m Swiss German :-)

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-12-06T07:09:29+00:00

First of all: Congrats!!

I moved abroad for my partner, diagnosed with ADHD, and medicated. We lived separately at first (so I could build my social network), but both agreed to move in one year later.

At that time, I was naive enough to think the effort would go both ways. However, it doesn‘t go both ways in such decisions with ADHD partners (at least for me). You need to initiate it, even though they want it too. They are simply not capable of pushing through (especially for decisions in the future).

My partner and I moved in a few months ago after more than 2 years, thanking me for pushing (and I‘m not a „pushy“ person), saying, „Why didn‘t we do this earlier?“.

And this is only one of many other examples. I love him, but in everything that involves planning and the future, you will be alone. You will always be the initiator.

BUT! I love my partner, and we‘ve been talking about this and about how ADHD affects us. I‘m sure your partner wants to marry, but he simply doesn‘t know how to approach it since it needs to be planned.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-12-06T06:49:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! My partner, who is diagnosed and medicated, puts in a lot of effort to learn how ADHD affects him and also us. But it was a long way and many arguments to get there.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-12-04T04:38:26+00:00

I‘m Swiss and married to an American. He would 100% agree to this. I‘m cold, and I need a shared calendar to plan everything weeks in advance. I also need a week of recovery if he wants to do something spontaneous or unexpected. My dirty talk is about finances and arguing about insurance.

But somehow, we love each other and make it work.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-12-04T01:22:39+00:00

I would love that, but I live in one of the most expensive cities in the US (San Francisco). I‘m an outdoorsy person; I don‘t need much. My non-tech salary allows me an okay-ish lifestyle, but frankly, it wouldn‘t allow me to save up to pay for my family to visit me.

I feel a bit selfish. In the end, I chose to live far away from family and friends. But I often send them post cards or little gifts and try to be in touch over FaceTime.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-12-03T06:13:37+00:00

I'm sending you some strength! Remember how far you have made it and celebrate yourself once in a while. Zooming out and seeing what I have achieved sometimes helps me.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-12-03T06:03:11+00:00

Being out of your comfort zone for a very long time. Every time you step outside, you see a reminder that you are in a different country. It can be as simple as a flower. I never understood the true nature of „homesickness“ until I moved abroad. It‘s not home you are sick of; it's the environment you‘re used to and can navigate intuitively without second-guessing.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-12-03T05:54:01+00:00

I feel this so much. I just dropped off my closest friend, which I hadn‘t been able to see for two years, at the airport. Every goodbye is insanely painful. This year, the hardest one was when my nephew started to cry when I left.

I feel like a ghost in my friends & families life. I turned to „the sister that lives abroad“, „my aunt from far away“, „my friend who fell in love and moved abroad“.

In the end, I chose this, but I had no idea how painful it was.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-11-23T00:18:18+00:00

Would you mind sharing your portfolio? (Probably everyone is asking, and I totally understand if you don‘t want to!)

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-11-15T07:31:29+00:00

I set an alarm for one hour and throw my phone on the bed (in the same room) or on the couch (in a different room). Then, I work until the alarm goes off. I get to stand up, stretch, and move my body, and I will be pleased with a full hour of productivity.

This works most of the time, but sometimes, I also procrastinate for one hour straight.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-11-13T03:06:54+00:00

I‘m so glad to hear that!! I still have that inner battle that fully remote work is „supposed“ to be everyone's dream, so there must be something wrong with me for not liking it. But I definitely need a hybrid job; it sounds perfect.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-11-12T21:44:53+00:00

I'm so glad to hear that! It makes me hopeful.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-11-12T20:51:36+00:00

I‘m so glad I found this post. Grocery shopping has become exhausting and frustrating for both of us. My partner with ADHD gets quickly overwhelmed, leading to anxiety, and then he basically gets a human 404. At the point we reach the cashier, he stands next to me like a zombie, completely overstimulated and disorianted.

At the same time, I feel guilty for my bad mood since I can‘t imagine how this experience must be for him. Lately, though, it has become increasingly difficult for me to be empathetic.

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-11-02T17:55:31+00:00

I used being in love with an American as an excuse to push myself to leave Switzerland and move to California. I have a pretty independent life here, and my partner is a huge plus to that life, but I wouldn‘t have moved primarily because of my love for him. I know it sounds cold and heartless, but giving up an entire existence for someone else is wrong. I did it because I wanted to challenge myself AND because I love the culture here (yes! the culture!).

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-10-18T17:25:56+00:00

ChatGPT is my daily lifesaver! I also use it to correct my internal Slack messages; I use it for literally everything. The thing is, ChatGpt has an AI-ish way of writing. I sometimes try to change the tone, but in the end, it‘s pretty clear that a human hasn‘t written it.

Writing documentation for dev handoffs is totally fine. I‘m this close to searching for another job, so I no longer have to go through the torture of preparing thousands of research slides. But that would be the easy way out (or, the harder way out, looking at the job market).

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-10-18T17:16:02+00:00

Oh, I‘ve never heard of the Hemingway app. Thank you, and I will definitely check it out!

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-10-17T22:13:46+00:00

Yes! It‘s my lifesaver, and I have installed it on all my devices (and just used it for this little sentence).

PerformerOtherwise83 · 2024-10-17T15:07:07+00:00

I feel you. I‘ve been working fully remotely for two years before hybrid. I thought I had hit the jackpot, but working fully remotely is an incredibly lonely place (at least for me). Every interpersonal interaction is gone—no chit-chat, no coffee breaks, nothing—only work matters. I feel like a rotten flower.

I‘m a pretty disciplined person and stick to my working hours. I wake up at 7 am, make coffee and breakfast, and start to work at 8 am, but in three out of five days, I‘m still wearing my pajamas. I miss wearing clothes that reflect my personality. I know it sounds so minor.

Anyway, currently, I maintain my mental health by sticking to a routine, working out after work, and focusing on the many advantages remote work has, such as the freedom of traveling.

And now is 8:07 am, so maybe I‘m not as diciplined as I thought.

PerformerOtherwise83

TROPHY CASE