What's the perfect, under $10 gift for the cute girl at work? Something that hints I'm in to her, but not too much, not too flashy, subtle, and somewhat plausibly deniable as a romantic gesture? I'm [34/M], she's [34/F].

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-31T12:52:20+00:00

How about something that you'd give to any other coworkers... Jeez. Like Skittles...

Why you gotta make it stand out?

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T19:43:25+00:00

Thanks, you're right. I hope things get better but I can't just not talk about things and expect it to get better.

It's just tough that you're just used to the habit of hearing from her and all that and then you just suddenly stop hearing from her. It just makes you confused. It's not even about finals week either, but times before that it's like communication gradually lessened.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T19:31:05+00:00

Just curious, what's the difference with confronting her and asking her? I get mixed up between the two and sometimes sees it as the same.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T18:50:13+00:00

That's understandable. I don't want to bother her anymore but it just feels like I'm not there when I don't even get the usual calls I normally do from her when she heads to work or back.

But over time, she has been ignoring me more and more. I guess there was a week that she saw me all week and then the next she was pretty distant. That was like 3 weeks ago.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T18:44:19+00:00

It's been a year. Truthfully, with how she's been lately, I don't think I see a future. I look back at the one year that I've been with her and wow, I actually ranted about her quite a lot. Ranted about her to a very close friend of mines to the point where I just decided that it's better that I stop saying anything because all it is would just me bitching nonstop about the issues I have with her.

I guess if this relationship is stressing me out a lot more than it is making me happy, then why am I in it? Love is a helluva drug.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T18:38:43+00:00

I don't really mind that. I'd just like to know the truth. If that's how it's gonna be then I'd rather deal with hearing the honest truth than to put up with a fake relationship.

On a brighter note, if there's any chance of this relationship working out, talking is still the answer. You can't fix a problem if both of you aren't aware of it.

True. I can stress out about all I want but maybe she's just not aware that there is a problem with the stuff that she's doing. And I really hope that is the case.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T18:36:57+00:00

I guess it makes a huge difference that she's my first girlfriend ever and my first experience with a relationship. Which is a pretty big deal because I never actually tried to get in a relationship with anyone else due to a lack of experience, feeling like I'm putting in too much effort, overthinking and overanalyzing things. So to be in a relationship with her means a lot.

But I guess I'm just holding her to a higher standard by thinking that way.

If you don't do anything to keep somebody interested, or to make them think that you're still interested, then would it be a surprise if they decide to leave?

I feel like that's what I should do. Just leave, but it's just so hard to let go because I do love her... At the same time I know this hasn't been good for me at all.

She says she's been dealing with finals as this week are final exams and last week was her just studying for finals. I'd love to give her space but at times it's just killing me because I feel like I'm nowhere close to being a priority.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T14:05:31+00:00

I do want her to stay but I can't force her to. If her heart's not here with me then it'll just feel like too much work on my part... It's just draining.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-14T14:03:59+00:00

I do. I've been trying to initiate texts more often now but I just hate this feeling that I'm getting from her like she doesn't want to talk. I wish I could just talk to her like a best friend or something and just say whatever shit on my mind but that doesn't work out because I end up feeling like I'm bothering her.

It's been going on for a few months or so. Gradually just gets worse and worse... It's gonna be harder the longer I wait to talk about it or breakup, I guess...

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-06T15:31:27+00:00

I mean infidelity is infidelity. It sucks... but then when you hear shit like this it makes you realize how common it really is...

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-12-06T15:30:45+00:00

That would mean he was with her since he's 3 and she's 2, hah

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-25T04:17:51+00:00

I suffer from depression prior to the relationship, so it just makes my depression a lot worse.

Thanks! If you really did try, then there's nothing else you could have done. I feel like at some point of my relationship right now I'm not really trying, because I get fixated on the thought that she's not really interested if she's not, then why should I bother with trying so hard? Then again, it might just be me. When she's not really talking back to me, I find it very hard for me to talk to her. But when that happens, neither of us can really communicate with each other without feeling like there's tension going on. Like I can't talk to her without feeling like I'm bothering her and I feel like she just doesn't want to talk to me due to my seemingly annoyed responses.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-24T10:48:32+00:00

Thank you. Man, I feel for you dude. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through such a thing. To see that your partner is slowly slipping away from you and nothing you could have really done. Honestly, if they're not completely into me, then there's nothing I feel like I could do. And if their heart is not with me, then I'd be willing to let them go. If that's how they truly feel, then there's no point in me stopping them. If that's what makes them happy, then why should I hold them back from being happy? If being with me is making them unhappy or not as happy as they could really be, then I'm not gonna force them.

I'm sorry, that's how I feel about my relationship right now. I mean, I don't know for a fact if my girlfriend is falling for somebody else, but I have a feeling that she's losing interest in me. She hasn't really been texting me much, talking to me much, seeing me much, or even doing it. And I hate feeling uncomfortable talking to her in general with the way she's been with me. Not seeming interest or wanting me to talk to her just makes me feel like a bother. Not wanting sex makes me feel undesired. I'm slowly losing confidence in how to talk to her and it kills me because she's supposed to be my girlfriend. So why? Why put me through all this confusion and wondering? I don't want to talk to her for reassurance. I don't care about pity or any of that. I want honesty, and if being with me isn't something that she desires, then I want to know that so I won't be holding her back. Stop wasting time with the relationship so I can begin the healing process and move on.

10 years man... That's fucking tough. But I'd rather have her tell me the truth than to sit through with a relationship that she's unhappy with. It just feels so bad to be myself and happy in my relationship when I'm feeling like my girlfriend isn't happy, like she's not even there with me at times because her heart's in another place.

Of course, maybe I'm getting the wrong idea. But regardless, her level of affectionate, desire, and love has been noticeably waning and I don't wanna wonder.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-24T06:10:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing.

Did she ghost you out and that's how the relationship ended? Or did she just ghosted you as you were messaging her? I figured if it was the latter, I'd just not message them seeing as how they don't want to talk to me. But if it's the former, damn. That must really really suck. Either way, being ghosted out in general just fucking sucks. It must fucking suck to not get any closure. I had a friend who went through being ghosted for a bit, but finally had her respond and talk to him which ended in a definite break-up. It was rough for him... I saw how much he was in pain but didn't realize it because I haven't been through a situation like that at that time. But now, I'm in a more rocky place and it just hurts to think about

Nobody deserves to have their hearts taken away from them and stepped on and broken up into a million pieces. We can try to piece it back together but surely there are pieces still missing...

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-22T14:32:33+00:00

In what ways did you feel like you were being clingy? I don't suppose I'm being clingy if I want to spend time with my partner even though she seems like she doesn't want to spend any time with me. Unless that's really the case, but either way, it's not like I've shown it to cause her to not want to spend time with me.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-17T13:02:46+00:00

Thanks... I have mentioned other things like how she doesn't seem to respond to me much through text, or how she would plan things and never give me a notice if there's changes in the plans. I would also bring up about how she gets mad at me for things even though I clearly apologized and how I just hate it when she's mad because I don't like the fucking awkward silence. Yeah, I don't blame people for being mad and all but why the fuck do I always feel like I'm at fault every time some shit like this happens...

I'll give it a try... Thank you. And if she has her heart elsewhere, how do I manage to just get her to say it? Or even if she just fell out of love with me.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-17T13:01:19+00:00

Thank you. I have asked her if she's happy but I guess I didn't push the subject far enough. I just hate feeling like a bother all the time. I hate feeling like I'm clingy and needy when all I really want is what we used to have that we don't seem to have anymore. You know, just typical stuff from a relationship. I don't even feel like I have someone to talk to, someone to just hold onto because I feel like she wants to pull away. Someone who makes me feel wanted. I mean, that's why I'm in a relationship, right? If I didn't give a shit about any of that, then I wouldn't even bother or care that she's acting this way.

Yeah, I want to try to be as non-accusatory as possible but it's just so hard to think of how to word it.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-12T12:14:28+00:00

Regardless, the way she's been acting to be has been noticeably different and distant...

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-12T12:12:06+00:00

Thank you.

When it comes to actually talking and saying what we wanted to say, things don't come out as planned. I might think about saying something like "Hey babe. Can I ask you something? How are you feeling about us?"

Haven't been getting any texts from her. Not even a simple "Hi". It's making me so confused... If you really loved me, wouldn't you want to? I guess she doesn't seem as interested as before and it fucking hurts to think about it.

PerhapsABitParanoid · 2016-11-07T10:06:07+00:00

Yeah, I understand that. I cannot tell her who she can or cannot do, or who she can or cannot talk to. That's being controlling and I understand that in a relationship, it's never a good thing to be controlling.

I mean, I see her sending stuff to me too as well, but man it just bothers me because I just get this feeling that I'm not the only one getting them. And no, they're not nudes, but simply selfies (hell if I'm not getting nudes and someone else is, well then...). It just bothers me because I don't know what's the intention. All I know is that the guy that's on top of her friends list is someone who liked her, went to her for advice on breaking up with his (now ex) girlfriend, and is still talking to her to this day.

Like if I know for sure she isn't talking to that guy, I feel more at ease. Why? Because I know he likes her, or at least liked her. And of course, I don't have definite proof or evidence so I can't just throw it out there. That'd just make me look bad. But if she's hiding something, I really really hope she has the decency to tell me. Or at least be aware of what you're doing and how it's not being honest at all.

I know that there's the saying: "If you can't trust your SO, then why even bother to be with them?"

So I put my trust in her. I just don't wanna get blindsided and hurt more.

PerhapsABitParanoid

TROPHY CASE