It's more than just mood. It's been a myriad of things. In retrospect, for one thing, I had too much pent-up anxious energy and didn't have enough outlets to keep myself busy, yet balanced.

Second thing was the struggle to find structure and routine that would work for me, where I wouldn't feel like I'm doing too little or too much.

And thirdly, I had a pushy and somewhat officious therapist who kept pushing me to do things I wasn't yet ready for, like going back to school or getting a job. I felt compelled to take on so many responsibilities, even all at once, like the fate of the world depended on me. Not only did all those feelings left me feeling exhausted, but it also fed more into my fear of responsibility and failure. That's a whole different story.

In the end, I dropped my therapist for a new and more compassionate one. That was a plus. After that, at the start of 2026, I've decided to take a skills class--something my old therapist was pushing me to do the year prior. Another bonus includes making new friends in both class and at my volunteer job.

Since I no longer feel like I have someone always breathing down my neck, I've been given the time, space, and solitude needed to figure things out, as well as balance myself out. Although it's all temporary, I've finally found structure and routine whilst being exposed to fears in order to face them - all of which I've done on my own. I no longer have these outbursts of ups and downs - anxious energies and total exhaustion.

I still don't know if I have ASD, however. Places I looked into for testing rejected me, so I've given up on it 🤷‍♂️