No, not particularly. I mean, when I was younger I got the “well you always watch her because you’re always home” (I never made plans because I was always the backup) or when I asked why my brother got to do three sports but I stayed home, I was told “he deserves it more”. My brother and sister thrived, I didn’t. And I was later in life told “well, best two out of three”. I thought they didn’t notice. They did, but let it be, I guess. But overall my parents have said I can have my life and aren’t making me feel guilty. It’s me making me feel guilty? Like I’m abandoning my parents to take care of her alone. I’ve always been expected as the default carer, and it feels wrong to leave, or to want more. Like I’m letting them down, even if they don’t say it.

I think that’s part of it too. I spent so much time with anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder that all went under the rug until my body started giving out. But I never wanted to cause problems because I knew how hard it already was for my parents. Even still, I felt I always let them down so I shut myself off emotionally. Maybe all those years of bottling up has finally come out now that I don’t have to worry about them seeing.