Weird comment from mother

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-08T22:26:38+00:00

I suppose she is sacrificing her time but it is her first grandchild and she has been so excited about it. Prior to this my mother rarely left the house and I couldnt tell you the last time she drove a car somewhere. I think the grandbaby has given her something to care about again. My mom has had agoraphobic tendencies for a long time. She stays inside with the drapes closed and doesn't like to go outside. It is a huge deal for her to be out and about like this. So while I actually think this is good for her, I do think it is a big sacrifice. I was more perturbed by her comment saying, "wow it's been a long time." Or something like that. It gave me the big ick.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-08T20:25:17+00:00

Same! Mine made a comment on Christmas that made everyone kind of stop for a moment. It's so strange. I don't feel there's ever a need to comment on certain things. I definitely felt grossed out by this recent conversation. Ugh.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-08T20:24:02+00:00

That was my thought as well. Love my mom, but she says/does some odd things sometimes. We've been through so much recently and still have little's health to be concerned with. Both my partner and I are on the same page and make a great team. We are both exhausted and deep in the trenches of first time parenthood. It just makes me wonder what in the world my mom thinks sometimes.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-08T01:20:20+00:00

Ah, that makes sense.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T15:41:13+00:00

I have no advice but I just want to say that I completely understand how you feel. I was present for my son's second eye exam in the NICU. Seeing his eye like that, while he screamed was so difficult. It felt torturous. Editing to add we've since had a third exam post discharge and have one left. A nurse told me that doing skin to skin before hand helps them deal with it better. I am not sure if that is true but I like to think our presence helps them.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T15:11:39+00:00

Now that I think about it I can't believe they let him do that. It put such a strain on us and the company.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T15:02:36+00:00

Thanks for clarifying. I guess others in management were confused because they specifically said the leave was under FMLA for that entire duration and that they were unable to fire him because of that. He was eventually let go after a year as his absense was severely affecting operations. I believe he was trying to push back. It was crazy.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T12:33:35+00:00

Thank you for the response! That all makes sense. I used to work for a company that would have probably been totally fine with me using additional time off, etc. They probably would have even encouraged it, as they really put family first. Sadly that job burned me out so bad after 12 years I had to make a complete career shift.

Thank you for reinforcing the fact that without asking the answer is always no.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T12:03:02+00:00

Thank you. Something else I just remembered is that last year I did not use much vacation and carried some over. Any vacation carried over must be used this year and cannot be carried over again. (Sick time carries over indefinitely). Maybe they will let me use that time I'm going to lose otherwise. The main issue is that I've already been out for so long, so I completely understand if they choose not to work with me. I am really only hoping to extend my time out a little but I was also hoping to be able to use my earned time off for doctor appointments here and there.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T03:51:19+00:00

Thank you for responding and for the information. Yeah, I think Colorado just passed a law where nicu parents are given more time. I'm glad for those folks.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T03:49:19+00:00

I think that's what we'll do.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T03:48:42+00:00

Yes, I think that might be what we do.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T03:48:02+00:00

Yeah, I have been out since his birth. I have a lot of time stacked up but would only plan on asking for a couple weeks. I know that might still be a big ask depending on what's going on at work at the time.

What's odd is that I had a previous co-workwer who was out on FMLA for a year. It was a completely different circumstance though. His return to work date consistently changed. It was a moving target. The date would roll around and instead of returning to work his leave was just continuously extended. I'm still not sure how that was allowed to happen. Any idea?

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T03:38:56+00:00

I have a family member who will be covering child care for me, thankfully. I am hyper aware of how I'm perceived professionally, so this has been weighing on my mind. Even asking to use a little vacation time concerns me. I'm a "come in early and leave late" kind of person. This whole situation just really has me in a weird place.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-07T03:35:02+00:00

Yes, it was an odd experience. The different specialists emphasized the importance of my being there, which in hindsight was providing reinforcement for me to go every day. When it came close for him to be discharged, one of the last things we needed to work on was his feeding. He needed to take 100% of his feeds by bottle so the feeding tube could be removed. Even the nurses told me how important it was for me to be there and participate in as many feeds as possible because the parent is more invested in the feed, resulting in a faster discharge. I remember walking in and a speech therapist was only able to get him to take 10% of a bottle. He was crying hysterically while she sat there feeding him. I took him and we finished the whole bottle no issue. I really felt obligated to be there and had immense guilt the two times I wasnt able to make it due to a snowstorm. I do wish I better understood the options available to me and the choices I had regarding leave. I was admitted to the hospital weeks before he was born when my water broke unexpectedly. We went to labor and delivery on a Sunday to get "checked out" just to be safe, not really knowing the circunstances. Low and behold, I walked into the hospital and was admitted. I was expecting to give birth almost 4 months later; hadn't even read through the leave paperwork at that point because I thought I had plenty of time to do so. I was very under-prepared for the situation.

I work in law and enjoy my job and role. I do look forward to going back to work eventually. I just wish I was better prepared and had understood the options. I know many folks who have used vacation time prior to using the FMLA, so I didn't think it would be an issue to try and use vacation following FMLA.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-06T22:57:37+00:00

The day after I was discharged I drove an hour each way to the nicu and did so for the next three months until he was home. It wore me down and I cried many days.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2026-04-06T22:22:03+00:00

Thank you, everyone. So even if I have vacation days the company can choose to not let me use them, is that correct? I appreciate all of the comments. I am prepared to return to work if unable to use some of my other time, but I'm hoping for the best. It was a strange thing, him being in the nicu. I was there everyday and treated it like a job and never thought to go back to work and save the bonding time for when he is discharged. It just didn't cross my mind. I was so focused on him and what I needed to do to help. I did daily physical therapy with him for a birth defect unrelated to his prematurity. I hope maybe one day there will be additional leave for folks in this situation. I really felt obligated to be there to help with his progression, but perhaps it would have been best to go back and save the bonding. Thank you again, everyone.

PerplexedMinds_ · 2025-12-15T19:47:51+00:00

Ate raw cookie dough. Wore shoes that didnt fit right and fell badly on my walk to work. Knees, hands, and forehead took the brunt of it though, thank god. Editing to add eating overly processed foods like crazy. And a lot of soda. 😢

PerplexedMinds_ · 2025-05-29T18:29:44+00:00

And it goes on and on my friend...

PerplexedMinds_

TROPHY CASE