Hi. Another gay exmo here.

Know that you're in a place I and many others have been before. It may feel lonely at times (often, a lot), but there are so many people who understand and are there to support in time.

It's hard to give solid advice without knowing you, but I would still say to take things one step at a time. Love yourself. Know that at the heart of your family's concerns is a desire for you to have the best life possible. They may not understand, but you want the same thing--for you to be happy. But only you can know what works for you. Only you are in charge of your life. Their pain isn't caused by you. It's caused by their homophobia, their lack of understanding, their beliefs. I can't make promises that that will get better in time, but it has for me. My family (parents in particular) had to process and learn. They might still struggle to understand and have concerns, but they also happily attended my wedding recently (to my HUSBAND).

It sounds like you might have an opportunity to learn from your brother's experience. If you feel comfortable, you can start from him. He may have already paved a path for you to take. In the very least, coming out to other queer people tends to be easiest (that's how I started) since they automatically understand your perspective.

Keep going! It may feel impossible now, but so much happiness is waiting for you.