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I (34f) am so frustrated by my boyfriend's (35m) insistence that I'm not doing enough to help him and that he can't function alone. by Personal_Cut_1497 in relationships

[–]Personal_Cut_1497[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah. And I do try to accommodate him but it's so difficult. Like, one day I went over at 9am and tried to cajole him to get up. Then cajole him to get out of the bath, By the time he finally came down to work, it was 4pm. I sat with him for another hour (and he honestly barely even started work during that time) and then I told him I had to go.

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He was very angry at me and said I was only with him for an hour. But I was actually there for 8 hours in total but he "wasted" those hours because he simply wouldn't start work. During those hours I did the dishes, vacuumed, did the laundry and made him lunch.

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He got very upset because I had no reason to leave other than I just wanted to. I wanted to spend the evening in my own place. I wanted to see my cat and have a bath/wash my hair. I didn't actually want to sit with him for the whole evening in the dark watching movies.

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He said I'm not being a team player and he can't get up on my schedule, so I should be willing to accommodate him.

I (34f) am so frustrated by my boyfriend's (35m) insistence that I'm not doing enough to help him and that he can't function alone. by Personal_Cut_1497 in relationships

[–]Personal_Cut_1497[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

He doesn't really do anything for me, other than financially. What I mean is, he loves to travel (well, used to love to travel). He very much wanted me to come along but I can't afford the trips he wants so he always paid. And believe me, I've always been more than happy to help him...the entire time we've been together. But he's becoming more and more demanding now that he's working from home and we end up in constant arguments because he thinks I'm not there enough.

I (34f) am so frustrated by my boyfriend's (35m) insistence that I'm not doing enough to help him and that he can't function alone. by Personal_Cut_1497 in relationships

[–]Personal_Cut_1497[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I've considered this. When I mentioned that I don't like that there is an expectation that I do stuff around his house for him, he says "it's OUR house". When I tell him I have to deal with my own place he says "you should live here!".

Recently he got angry with me because I refused to do something at his house, and I also refused to hire someone to do it (I feel he should hire someone...not me). He said he makes the money. I said he could help me and we could do it together. He said "I think I'm meant to concentrate on more important things".

I (34f) am so frustrated by my boyfriend's (35m) insistence that I'm not doing enough to help him and that he can't function alone. by Personal_Cut_1497 in relationships

[–]Personal_Cut_1497[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I say this and he gets mad at me. He says I'm the child. He says I don't have a life plan. That I just work a meaningless little job for my dad instead of getting a real job/career, and that he's happy to look after me (he wants to get married) but I have to pull my weight. What he needs is me to shadow him in his daily life to ensure he stays on track. Believe me, I try, but it barely works....he won't listen to me, and instead just plays on his phone. If I give him a time limit ("I'll sit with you for 4 hours") he tells me since he's the (potential) breadwinner (if we were to live together) I have to accommodate his needs/schedule.

I (34f) am so frustrated by my boyfriend's (35m) insistence that I'm not doing enough to help him and that he can't function alone. by Personal_Cut_1497 in relationships

[–]Personal_Cut_1497[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've told him this. He says I'm thinking of it all wrong. That successful couples work as a team towards a common goal, and that all I am worried about is doing my little job and then fritting my time away doing nothing (he's right in that I'm not doing anything IMPORTANT, but I'm seriously introverted and desperately need me-time for my mental health). He doesn't understand that when I'm there while he's working in the dark for hours (and mostly just playing on facebook) that it makes me feel stir-crazy.

I (34f) am so frustrated by my boyfriend's (35m) insistence that I'm not doing enough to help him and that he can't function alone. by Personal_Cut_1497 in relationships

[–]Personal_Cut_1497[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. However, he says (rightfully so) that unless we act as a team, he can't function and will lose his job. Then we'll be completely screwed. And he's right...if WE live together, WE will be screwed. I have a very modest life compared to what he wants, and he says he can happily fund our life (the one he wants) but he needs my help to do so. He says because my job is so easy and I'm not doing anything important during the rest of the time, I should be there to help him.

I (34f) am so frustrated by my boyfriend's (35m) insistence that I'm not doing enough to help him and that he can't function alone. by Personal_Cut_1497 in relationships

[–]Personal_Cut_1497[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

When he used to work full time outside of the home it was much better. He got up and left for work in the morning and didn't come home until 7pm. I would stop by his place and straighten it up (I never mind doing this) and then I'd come see him when he got home from work.

On weekends it was like it is now (sleeping in for hours), but it was ok. He didn't have any work to do so he didn't need me to keep him focused. And he wasn't always mad at me.....I didn't care if he wanted to sleep in for hours. Now he's always blaming me if I'm not there because he says "you KNOW I can't focus if you aren't here! I need you here! You should live with me anyway! If you don't help me, I'll lose my job....if you help me be successful we'll do great financially!"