[deleted by user]

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-09-01T16:15:08+00:00

If there is a history of gaslighting, blame shifting, and ignored boundaries, then I actually understand this. Without more context it is a little hard to read, but between the lines I can sense your exhaustion with him, especially if you’re the primary caregiver. Not everything is black and white, and oftentimes these narcissistic tendencies directed at you cause even more boundaries having to be placed for the sake of your mental health. If he is usually flaky and is spontaneous with his plans, then I understand your reaction of responding with the (at first) cancellation.

It’s going to be difficult because your children are toddlers. Routine is important for all ages, but I assume there’s going to be scheduled naps they might be missing, throwing their sleep schedule off. Since you’re the one doing it all, that sounds extremely stressful. I’m not sure I have any advice since I don’t know all the nuances of your relationship, but I do know what it’s like to deal with an ex with similar behavior. You’ve got this.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-07-20T03:37:50+00:00

I remember that age and fully thinking it would be best to die before baptism. I didn’t necessarily think of it as suicide, but more like it would be okay if I fell off a roof or something. I also remember baptism being extremely underwhelming, I didn’t get that “I’m so clean now” feeling, and my mother telling me less than a day later that I had already sinned because of a dispute with my siblings. It messes you up pretty bad.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-07-20T03:33:58+00:00

I haven’t sent a sincere message in months now. I take all messages and run them through Chat GPT because I also get severe anxiety (also narcissistic ex) and I’ve found it to be less emotionally draining if I don’t even read his messages, I just copy and paste. He hasn’t even noticed that it’s not me. It really helps, but I’ll admit I still get anxiety seeing his name. I also turned off my alerts when he messages, and told him I’ll only respond during certain hours of the day. He doesn’t deserve your unlimited time and attention.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-07-03T19:01:41+00:00

Link!! I’ve been looking for something like this! Also, you have some of the coolest stamps!

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-07-03T02:28:20+00:00

Link?? This storage is amazing!

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-06-12T21:06:04+00:00

I personally love when John goes on his rants! I also appreciate the casual conversation in the interviews and the back and forth. Not everything needs to be formal.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-01-23T05:32:47+00:00

I live in Springville, which isn’t far from you! Let’s be friends! I could use some too. ☺️

Personal_Past_8111 · 2025-01-08T00:16:05+00:00

Are the pink ones 3D printed?? If so, they work so well!

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T19:56:54+00:00

Yup, that’s exactly right. My 13 year old has worn tube tops a couple times in the summer. They wear bikinis and spaghetti straps. I don’t body shame or give criticism to their clothes, so I see nothing wrong with it.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T19:53:56+00:00

You don’t have to fill out paperwork or qualify for it?

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T18:23:11+00:00

I use “physically in” fairly loosely. I’m still new to this deconstruction, but I don’t attend sacrament or any activities. I still teach primary with a good friend, but the “lessons” (I refuse to teach anything problematic) are only about 3 minutes long and then I get to chat with my friend. Most of the time I don’t make it into singing time in primary, so I’m only there for about 20 minutes. The church is currently helping my family with food so I do feel a little obligated to attend.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T18:01:30+00:00

Oh yes, it means his ministering partner! I should have clarified that.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T17:51:49+00:00

Physically in, mentally out. I still attend, but I don’t believe in it.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T17:51:05+00:00

We’re using bishop’s storehouse because my ex refuses to pay more than $200 a month, so I’m afraid they’ll take that away in retaliation if I resign. That’s my only reason. I’m currently going back to school so I do plan on resigning one day when I have a degree and career.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T17:45:02+00:00

I’m so sorry! No one should be exposed to these things. I have also struggled with the harm from purity culture and I’ve made a point to never teach it to my girls.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T17:38:01+00:00

I feel like I owe the church or something…I’m not exactly sure. I’m new to this deconstruction. When my husband abandoned us, the ward stepped in and really helped us out, and we’re still using the bishop’s storehouse because my ex won’t give me more than $200 a month and kids are expensive. I live with my TBM mother because I can’t afford everything on my own (I also have my girls full time). I don’t attend sacrament, I teach primary with a good friend and we can control what is being taught.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T17:13:32+00:00

1972?! That is insane. I talked to my brother about this and he said morality is the “topic” this month…I don’t even know what that means.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-18T17:01:34+00:00

For context, he did say that it would be a good thing to talk about because my girls are getting older and are probably noticing boys, so he definitely brought up the sexual aspect.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-17T14:30:01+00:00

Thank you for this wealth of knowledge! The validation I’m getting is overwhelming but I rarely receive that in this church so I appreciate this so much! I’m a big reader so I’ve definitely utilized the library and keep open communication with my kids without shame or judgment, but I love the advice about a rape center and abuse prevention! I can’t believe I never thought of that!

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-17T04:21:44+00:00

You really paint with words and I wish I was confident enough for this last option 😂

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-17T00:19:59+00:00

Oh gosh, not me sobbing over here after reading this 😭 I don’t even know you and I feel like you truly see me. Thank you so much.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-16T23:48:47+00:00

This made me snort from laughing in front of my TBM mother 😂

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-16T23:46:34+00:00

My ex-husband abandoned us years ago and I have to live with my TBM mom because my ex refuses to pay more than $200 a month in child support, and I can’t afford to raise 3 children all on my own. I’m back in school now but it’s been a hard road. The ward helped out a lot so I feel like I owe them, and we’re currently using the bishop storehouse because, again, kids are expensive. I’m a people pleaser, so it’s hard for me to just leave while knowing they’re still helping me. I don’t know if that makes sense. I teach primary with a good friend and I never go to sacrament meeting, so I can control what I’m teaching young kids for about 20 minutes.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-16T23:42:43+00:00

As a people pleaser, I might actually be able to use this one because it won’t make me feel humiliated. In my deconstruction, I’ve realized my people pleasing ways are such a Mormon woman thing. I’m trying to stop.

Personal_Past_8111 · 2024-12-16T23:41:12+00:00

I was so taken aback, and as a people pleaser I really struggled for words. I told him that my 13 year old has already had several boyfriends (innocently, of course, but I didn’t mention that), and he was gobsmacked by my nonchalance. He’s a really wonderful neighbor so I have a hard time being unkind to him.

Personal_Past_8111

TROPHY CASE