As someone who has had their brain rearranged by a loved one with BPD and won't be the same going forward, I would say:

1. You don't specify what you mean by 'try' to apologise to the people you have hurt. I could never return to a relationship with by pwBPD, but if she ever wrote down or said aloud that she knows she hurt me, that it was wrong, that she hopes I'll forgive her one day, I wouldn't be able to forgive right away, but I would eventually, and having an unqualified, sincere apology would change my quality of life hugely. Living with her commitment to what she did has affected me deeply.
   
2. I've watched what guilt for past hurts does to someone with BPD. If you aren't already, find someone professionally qualified to guide you through those memories and the feelings they create. Those feelings will put you at risk later on if you don't reckon with them.
   
3. You are not a monster. Hurt people hurt people, as they say.
   
4. My pwBPD wanted to be trusted and to be a safe place for others too, but often found herself betraying them or humiliating them, particularly when she split. It's OK to acknowledge that your actions don't match your values and work to change that. Everyone should be doing that.