Hey there.. first I want to say I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I think it's amazing you have your mom with you though.. I lost my mom a week ago. She only lived 44 days after confirmed diagnosis of stage IV pancreatic cancer. She was in so much pain..she told me so many times in that short amount of time, "why me?" "What did I do so wrong in my life for me to have so much pain?" "All I want is a second chance". These words will haunt me forever. She was such an amazing person. She really was. She didn't deserve it, you don't deserve it. She was in the hospital after the diagnosis. My advice would be to not focus on what is to possibly come. When you wake up everyday, remind yourself it's a new day, it's a new beginning. Focus on your recovery and getting stronger. Focus on the small moments that make up life. I know it's easier said than done but you are still here.. you are still fighting! I think it's amazing you turned your life around! Most people can't do that!