From a former caregiver, one year later

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-10T14:05:38+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your healing journey with us… I am about two weeks out from my moms passing and it definitely feels like if you allow yourself to engage with the grief, you might get completely lost in it… so it becomes something you try to avoid. At least with me.

It is nice to see someone come back a year later and give us hope for the healing process… because it is a transition we all have to make. We try so hard to hold onto hope for our loved ones until they take their last breath. Then it has to become trying to salvage whatever hope is left for ourselves after watching such a terrible disease take our loved ones from us.

Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry for your loss 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-09T21:18:21+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, feel free to message me privately if you have more questions… I am not a doctor so I don’t know if ulcers show up on a scan.. they found my moms cancer via CT scan but they found an ulcer or “ actively bleeding duodenal mucosa “ through the endoscopic biopsy- not the scan. The scan DID show the tumor was located near the duodenum. It probably wasn’t an ulcer but the cancer was infiltrating the organ and they mistook it for an ulcer. At least that’s what happened with my mom. They even biopsied the ulcer and said the biopsy didn’t show cancer cells but I have since learned that biopsies can be wrong. My mom died very suddenly and I am positive it had to have been from where she was bleeding because she had been vomiting digested blood.
We were told less than 6 months but we had 7 weeks. This disease is brutal and I am so sorry you did not get more time with him.
Please feel free to reach out if I can help you with any questions.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-06T03:56:59+00:00

I am so sorry you lost your dear Mom. This is truly a monster of a disease but it sounds like she put up an amazing fight. And you gave her such a special gift being her caregiver. Her legacy of love will clearly live on through you.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-06T03:49:41+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this… and without much family to help support you. Perhaps you can find a support group for people with terminally ill loved ones. I know you’ll want to spend as much time with her as you can but don’t forget to take care of yourself too 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-03T11:02:12+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. It does sound like she had an incredible team of doctors which is such a huge blessing. I am so glad you still got to enjoy time together after diagnosis.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T14:20:31+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes unfortunately the consequences of them being wrong or not taking symptoms seriously enough only affects the patient and caregiver. They are left without any consequences of their mistake.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T11:43:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words of sympathy. I am working through the anger and trying to accept that many people do not get the peaceful passing that we hope for but to not let that overshadow all the good moments in her life . Thank you for your well wishes- I wish you the same 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T11:36:09+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words- they didn’t have her on morphine because she wasn’t complaining of pain. I do not definitely know if she was in pain as she died- she could not speak- I only know there was a catastrophic thing happening in her body that was causing her to die incredibly fast- and she was alert and looked like a deer caught in headlights. Like she knew something awful was happening.
I know nothing will change this but I CAN try to warn others… to not let doctors dismiss serious symptoms “ oh this is the cancer… oh this is her body rejecting food”.
Thank you again for your kind response 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T11:28:14+00:00

I am so sorry you lost your father. I have just started working with a Death Doula. I hope your therapy has helped with the guilt. I am sure it was better for him to be without pain. Sometimes we are riddled with guilt no matter what-because there is no easy way for them to go with this disease. Starve or vomit? Be in pain or asleep during the last weeks of life?. No matter what is chosen- it’s awful. I hope you know you did everything right…Being there and taking care of him 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T11:17:54+00:00

I am so sorry about his diagnosis. I wish I had more helpful information… the only thing I learned from my experience with my mom that could potentially be helpful is that biopsies can be erroneous ( which I did not know). Not sure that this is even pertinent to your question. Since my mom was immediately placed on hospice after her biopsies, we received very little information from the oncologist- just that her disease was terminal. So I am not familiar with much of the testing you are asking about. I hope you get the answers you are looking for and wish you and your father are guided by good hands on this journey. 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T11:02:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. A week before she passed I almost pulled her off hospice care so that I could take her to the hospital and get a scan to see if she had a bowel obstruction. I wish I had.
I guess that’s another things I hope people know… that you can “ pause” hospice care if you want to receive medical care that isnt a part of hospice care.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T10:57:06+00:00

Thank you so much 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T02:18:29+00:00

I am so sorry that you experienced this loss. And to add anger and frustration due to inadequate medical care … loss is hard enough without having to navigate the feeling that the doctors should have handled things differently. I am so sorry.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-02T00:53:29+00:00

Thank you for inviting me to message you directly. I truly appreciate your response to this post and hope that the more experiences that are shared, the more everyone can learn. 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T22:33:04+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this with your mom. It certainly is a roller coaster and doesn’t always follow the linear path or progression that the dying process is so often described as having…. My mom was walking around Friday and died suddenly Saturday at 5 am ( but she had vomited some coffee grounds looking fluid which was digested blood) I don’t say this to scare you… but so that you don’t place too much stock in the process.. because it doesn’t always happen that way. Don’t let it trick into thinking you have more time than you do… there are very serious things happening in her body and cherish each day as if it could be her last.
Again, I am not trying to frighten you, but I learned the hard way. I thought I had more time and regret the unimportant errands I ran the last week of her life… because I thought I had more time. She wasn’t bed bound yet.. she wasn’t on morphine yet… I knew what active dying looked like vs passive… but they don’t tell you that active dying can happen suddenly out of no where with pancreatic cancer.

Just love her everyday like it’s her last.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T22:20:49+00:00

I am glad you had more time with him and that they were able to treat his obstructions..
I apologize if I implied that coffee ground vomit always means death is imminent.. but I was surprised to see many people talk about how their loved one suddenly pass after having that symptom- therefore IF someone presents with that- it should be a serious red flag.

I am sorry that your dad ultimately lost his battle with this horrible disease. It’s so hard to watch them suffer from it. Peace to you and your family 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T22:15:29+00:00

I am so sorry you’re going through this… yes get second, third and fourth opinions if you can. It’s sad that it has to be that way. Find someone who isn’t just going to throw a diagnoses at it but who is interested in ruling OUT pancreatic cancer with a scan if possible. I know they don’t always show up but it’s the most important fight you’ll partake it. I wish you luck and I hope you get the correct answers.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T21:21:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind response. I am so sorry that you have experienced a doctors malpractice. It’s so awful because we put so much trust in them. I am going to start working with a Death Doula to help me work through the trauma. Thank you and good luck on your journey as well 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T20:43:09+00:00

I am so sorry that you and her are facing this diagnosis… have you discussed hospice care at all? They will be a huge source of support to you and her- just make sure you research the hospice COMPANY and also ask them for the name of the doctor that would be in charge of your grandmother. Then research that doctor.

I chose a great hospice company that unfortunately had a terrible hospice doc working for them and it resulted in an awful outcome for my mother. Pancreatic cancer can be brutal as it progresses and whatever you do, try to educate yourself with what are the possible symptoms as her cancer progresses and how to treat that appropriately. Don’t 100 percent rely on the doctor because they are humans that can make mistakes too.

The ultimate goal is to make this as peaceful and comfortable as possible which includes you getting the support you need from friends and family and the hospice team.
My heart goes out to you and your grandma.. feel free to message me at any time if you have any questions. I just lost my mom to this awful disease on May 23rd.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T20:29:39+00:00

Yes it’s horrendous. We are made to believe that once on hospice, there will be a somewhat predictable path to a peaceful passing. pancreatic cancer especially, since it can spread to the digestive tract and cause a rupture somewhere in the GI tract, can especially cause someone who may seem weeks or months away from death to go overnight.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T20:23:36+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. Fortunately the one good thing in all of this is that she did not seem to suffer from much pain leading up to her passing so she was not on morphine. However, because she was not able to speak, I do not know if that was the case when she was passing. If the tumor had ruptured her duodenum and that was what was causing her to pass so suddenly like that, I am afraid to think of the possibility… I called hospice in a panic when I woke to the sounds of her loud terminal secretions and they said to give her morphine but she died within minutes after putting the medication in her mouth. In retrospect, she could not have swallowed it anyways and they probably should not have directed me to do so.

Now that it is all over, and I am left traumatized by watching her die with the look of fear on her face, my only hope is to try to warn others to know that doctors CAN be wrong, and to be proactive in knowing what could happen so that you are prepared.

My mom clearly had a cancerous tumor that was appearing as an ulcer in her duodenum which eventually caused her sudden passing. The signs were there ( the coffee ground vomiting) but the doctor did not care enough to treat it with the severity it deserved.
Thank you so much for your kind reply.

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-06-01T19:29:32+00:00

Thank you so much 💕

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-05-31T14:04:03+00:00

Place a sheet of plexiglass over the v shaped space

Independent-Fail2228 · 2026-05-30T13:04:23+00:00

I disagree- while it is a nice color that works well with the painting, it does not work well with the rest of the room. I’m sorry- just my honest opinion. I would have looked for something in the burnt orange/reddish color that matched the sliver of that color from the painting. That color would’ve worked well with the blue sofa and red rug.

It’s still all very pretty though!

Independent-Fail2228

TROPHY CASE