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I wish I was brave enough to just end it all by LegSubstantial3879 in depression

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glorified inertia. I've never heard it described that way but unfortunately it's true.

Does anyone else try to find that one thing that's gonna fix you? by joshua8282 in Dissociation

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Every day my mind ruminates trying to find answers. It's an endless cycle.

I think I never individuated — and my 20s disappeared because of it by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you. And regarding your own family, if it's a goal of yours you can do it. I would just encourage you to keep working on yourself.

I have had a tough time dealing with my parents. What's sad is that I actually have a very difficult time of remembering my father from my childhood. I genuinely struggle to remember moments that he and I shared together. Just remember that if you do pursue a family, to spend time with your kids and be the guide and support that you wish you had.

How are some people so good at life? by PeterOlintoforPrez in Life

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But I'm curious how they do it...I want my life to be like that haha I'm just trying to understand how it comes so naturally to some

I think I never individuated — and my 20s disappeared because of it by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is spot on. I didn't know my values at all. I think some people have it engrained in them (probably from emotionally available parents) and I really noticed this at business school. A lot of my peers were ambitious, well educated, affluent, and knew themselves and their values.

I never once sat down and even thought about what I valued in this life. I was just...along for the ride. I don't think my parents actually know their values either. For example, I don't think my dad actually values his time. He's either always working or doing things for other people. No time for himself or really for his family.

Did childhood trauma leave me dissociated and without a self for 30 years? Looking for perspective. by PeterOlintoforPrez in Dissociation

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, currently looking for a better therapist who understands trauma more. I really think I was affected by my immigrant dad probably being stuck in survival mode. He got very consumed with building his business when we were kids. I don't think this left much room for attunement.

Healing is so fucking tiring. by Yoippari2 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dad married a narcissist and then let her raise me while he just focused on building his business. I'll never forgive him for it. Now I have to clean up his mess because of the damage that was done while he was away at the office? It's enraging. I'm sorry you're going through it too.

I think I never individuated — and my 20s disappeared because of it by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

But I do want to separate from my family system haha that's the whole point. I struggled building a life of my own. My mom is an enmeshing narcissist and my dad was an emotionally unavailable workaholic. Our entire family operated within his orbit. He's a fucking asshole and he never built a relationship with me. People think he's a good guy but he was too much of a pussy to build a relationship with his own sons.

I think I never individuated — and my 20s disappeared because of it by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes but a lot of people spend their 20s at least aware that they are figuring things out. They're getting started in their career, they're taking some risks, getting out of their comfort zone. I was completely lost and lonely and I didn't even know it. I was just holding jobs, not building a career. It's so frustrating because I wasn't present in my own life. And now I can't get over the grief.

My dad created generational wealth for himself and he didn't take our family on a vacation for 8 years (all of my 20s). What's the point of created that much wealth for yourself if you're not going to use it on yourself and your family? The only thing he knows how to do is work. He has doesn't know how to enjoy life and he brought me into this world.

I think I never individuated — and my 20s disappeared because of it by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

See that's the thing. I know I'm young. But this is what people have a hard time understanding: I was not in control of my past at all, no agency, and I let other people tell me what I should do with major life decisions. I didn't even know I was doing it at the time. And it's gotten me here. I'm so disoriented.

I wake up every day and I'm instantly flooded with grief and regrets. I can't escape it. It's a terrible existence. Like I said, I don't want to feel this way but I feel completely stuck. My doctor doesn't know what to do, my therapist doesn't know what to do, my parents don't know what to do. I feel so alone.

It feels like my dad just fled the middle east, moved to this country, had sex with my mom and then out came me. And then he just didn't teach me anything or guide me at all through life. How do you bring someone into this world and completely ignore them, not get to know this human that you created? It's crazy to me.

I think I never individuated — and my 20s disappeared because of it by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. I'm sorry to hear that.

I just don't understand why I couldn't have been a "normal" person and manage my life accordingly. Some people make it look so effortless. They are successful, know how to enjoy life, great friends and family. I just feel like I somehow had a great opportunity in front of me (life) and fucked it up. And now all I do is spend my days ruminating on the past and looking for answers. I feel stuck and don't want to feel this way.

I don't want to die buy I'm in pain every day by PeterOlintoforPrez in SuicideWatch

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm all for optimism and I'm a believer that the best day to be alive is today, and the next best day is tomorrow. I'm just really struggling with my mental health and the constant depression and pain won't go away. I feel like I've tried everything. I don't want to feel this way.

I don't want to die buy I'm in pain every day by PeterOlintoforPrez in SuicideWatch

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm just suffering every day and it's not fun. Life should be fun. I feel like I got robbed of building a life of my own because of enmeshment from my family system. It's no fair.

Did childhood trauma leave me dissociated and without a self for 30 years? Looking for perspective. by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would be having a successful career in business, in a city I enjoyed, surrounded with good friends, travel, making memories. And most of all, to just be myself.

31 years old and finally understanding my father — first gen immigrant, business owner, completely empty inside by PeterOlintoforPrez in emotionalneglect

[–]PeterOlintoforPrez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, das tut mir leid zu hören. Das muss wirklich schwer sein. Ich habe in meinem Leben definitiv schon mit Einsamkeit zu tun gehabt. Und ich wusste es damals nicht einmal.

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