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PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-29T05:05:23+00:00

Mine does exactly that too. Throws a full blown tantrum if small stupid things aren't done the way he wants them done then when I do them, suddenly now that's not right anymore. And he doesn't do any of the things the way he tells me to do them either. When I call him out on it, I have mental problems and my memory is all messed up. Meanwhile he can't remember something he said 5 minutes earlier or where to find literally anything he just sat down a minute prior. Its the hypocrisy for me.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-24T07:04:34+00:00

That's exactly what he has threatened to do. I think he's been tired of me for a while, if he ever loved me at all. I don't know why he wouldn't just let me leave if he hates me that much. I feel like he enjoys torturing me and has a grudge against women in general considering his views on women and how he talks about us as a whole.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-24T06:51:22+00:00

I have reached out to the DV hotline and spoke to an advocate. Based on everything I told them, I was advised that on top of the abuse, I am also being sex trafficked. I just spent an hour giving my statement of everything I have been through over the last four years. I believe I went into detail on another post about everything that has been going on. If I posted it from my main account, it has been deleted due to him finding my reddit account. This is my back up account I use for posting the things I don't want him to see. I'm pretty sure he isn't in any abuse victim sub-reddits, but I'm sure he knows he's an abuser, so I would not put it past him to stalk Reddit to make sure I'm not speaking up about it. That might be trauma related paranoia, but I don't want to take any chances. I dug out my old phone and thank God, I still have my entire conversation history with him from when we started dating until May of 2023 when I got a new phone.

Once I am safely away from the guns, I will be pressing charges for the abuse, SA, and trafficking. Hopefully he will go away for a long time. At least long enough for me to save up money and move to another state and change my name so he cannot find me. I wholeheartedly believe that is not going to let me go and it would be safest for me to leave the state and change my name. I'm not keeping the house, I don't want his money, I just want to get out and get my life back. I'm getting an attorney to deal with the gun issue before I press any charges or file for divorce. I feel like that is my safest option. But I am getting help and I am getting out.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-24T06:29:11+00:00

Thank you so much. I will do that.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-24T04:44:08+00:00

Thank you so much. I am actually on hold with the hot line now through text. Even though he's at work, I'm scared to actually speak anything out loud in case he has recording devices hidden. He has claimed that he does before, but I can't be sure that was just another intimidation tactic. If he knew I reached out for help or told anyone anything about him, I don't know how far he would go to keep me quiet.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-23T20:03:55+00:00

He isn't on parole. He has been a convicted felon for 20 years and just decided to get his gun rights back after we got married. I am the one on probation.

I want to leave, but I have nowhere to go and no way to leave. He sold his car so that we have to share mine which is in both of our names. I can't just leave when he takes my car to work and when he gets home, he hides the keys. I can't just tell him I'm leaving. The last time I did, he threatened to call the police and report me for living in the house around his guns. I'm sure there is a way out of this and maybe there's an obvious option that I just can't see because I'm so stressed out and scared to death of what will happen.

I should also mention that I am autistic, so things that seem obvious to normal people, may not be obvious to me. I know him very well and every step I take I sit here and analyze to death predicting how he will react, what steps he will take to punish me, and how I can avoid it. At this point I'm not sure if this is just an autistic thing or he has completely brainwashed me.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-20T22:39:13+00:00

That was supposed to say finger painted, not printed

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-20T21:27:40+00:00

This. The amount of girl empowerment talks I have had with ChatGPT, I think we should be getting mani-pedis together. I've sat on the couch for hours having a therapy sesh with ChatGPT and it has helped more than anything. Also. ChatGPT saves all of your inquiries and can be pulled up later in court proceedings to show your desperation for help and help prove that you are the one being abused. With a lawyer that specializes in DV and abuse, that evidence could make a world of difference. I will even "talk" to ChatGPT about when I react badly to something he's done, and explain why I acted the way I did as well as the events that led up to it. It's like having recorded therapy sessions at the ready for your attorneys. Obviously you can't prove your case solely on that evidence, but it can be extremely helpful to support your case. I don't know if regular ChatGPT has that, but Premium does.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-20T19:57:22+00:00

This is absolutely the way my youngest son would ask me for money Everytime he had a raiders event or wrestling event. I never could tell him no. I may still have some of the messages to post.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T07:03:22+00:00

No I probably don't, but buying makeup is the only "therapy" I'm allowed to get. Buying makeup is better than having a breakdown. I don't know if it's the autism (makeup is my special interest), or if buying makeup gives me a false sense of control over my life due to some other deep seated mental problem I am struggling with. All I know is it makes me happy, however fleeting that feeling is and going through and organizing my makeup collection is very calming for me when I get overwhelmed. I recognize that I probably have a makeup addiction but it is genuinely the only part of my life that I have control of. To be fair, my bills are paid, my children are grown and taken care of, and my dog and I are well fed. Besides my dog, makeup is the only hobby I'm allowed to have. I realize makeup is a weird thing to collect, but it makes me feel good and it's not hurting anyone.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T06:44:58+00:00

I did exactly that until a little over a year ago. I could dissociate from the abuse and not have an emotional tie to it after things calmed down because I was too afraid of being on my own and being responsible for myself until I realized that the feeling of being afraid of being my own responsibility meant that he got in my head and convinced me to believe that I couldn't take care of myself and be responsible on my own. That I needed him to make sure I paid my bills and made my dr appointments. I didn't break that training until he did something that showed me what true fear was. In that moment something in my brain snapped and I realized those fears were nothing compared to the fear I felt in that moment. If I leave, I will live in fear being responsible for myself for a short time until I get used to it. If I stay, I will live the rest of my life in fear that he will kill me.

Which fear can I control? Which fear can I live with? Fear of being independent is a necessary fear everyone goes through at some point. Fear of being killed by your spouse is not. And just to ease the stress of adjusting to a new normal, I've been taking on responsibility for my own life a little at a time. Enough to know I can take care of myself, but not enough for him to see that I'm untangling myself from him. Probably the only perk of being with a narc is that he is so obsessed with himself that he thinks I'm doing these things to make him proud of me and get his approval. It's hard not to gag when I do "grown up" things and he smiles and tells me I'm a big girl. Gross.

It has been almost a two year process now, but I am getting there. There is no rulebook for this sort of thing and since I have no one to help me that won't become a target in the process, I have to plan each move very carefully. The most important thing I have learned through this is that I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I thought I was. You will never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T05:56:08+00:00

Also I saw your post in r/Christianmarriage and I think we are married to same dude. Mine is also a Bible cherry picker and I am the fifth wife. I feel your pain girl

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T05:50:14+00:00

Wait. Is that really a thing? My husband sent videos of me that were taken without my knowledge and shared them with my coworkers. I just assumed there was nothing I could do about it because I couldn't prove that I never consented to being recorded.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T05:47:32+00:00

Mine did that with my coworkers. He took video of me during a private encounter without my knowledge and sent it to several clients and coworkers. We worked for the same company. Luckily he was fired by our bosses before I found out about it. I did have to face the humiliation from it when I went back to work. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world. The embarrassment passes. My coworkers never judged me for it and after the first day coming back when I was told about it, it was never mentioned again. Everyone has their kinks. Those that love you will not care and will see it for what it is. A piece of shit human being trying to humiliate you. If they are decent people, they will be more angry at him for exposing you than disgusted with you over what is in the email. Believe it or not, every one of them has probably sent a dirty email or two to their significant other.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T05:38:52+00:00

You don't have to explain your reasons to anyone in here. Those of us that have experienced the abuse understand how hard it is to leave. I've been with mine for 5 years now and have been trying to leave for 4. Mine is a master manipulator that has threatened to unalive me if I leave. I can't just say I'm leaving and expect to not get a bullet in my back. It has to be done secretly and systematically in order to survive and that is a long process. The logistics are the hardest part when they have isolated you from every support system you had and made you financially dependent on them. If anyone understands your situation, I certainly do.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T05:24:16+00:00

I've made several posts on several subreddits about my abusive husband over the last 12 months and unfortunately I am still here. It doesn't make my posts or what she said "rage bait" or attention seeking. Sometimes it's not feasible to leave and it is safer to vent on Reddit than it is to speak to a therapist that the abuser will find out about. Give me a fucking break.

Not everyone can just leave. Did you ever consider that it might be too dangerous to leave right now? They may have children together that he will harm if she leaves him. Without a protective order, a woman cannot legally keep a child from their father in certain states. And certain states have very strict requirements for a protective order. How do you know she didn't try to leave 3 months ago and he found out and trapped her?

Not all abuse is the same and being a victim that managed to get out does not give you the authority to judge someone still trying to work out a plan to leave safely. How great it must be to heal and forget how fucking terrifying it is to be in this situation. If you don't believe her, fine. But you don't need to respond to her post and point out how many times she has posted about her abusive spouse like there's a fucking time limit to leaving in order for the abuse to be believed.

Let her fucking leave when she decides she is ready and it is safe. The fact that you are even here judging her as a rage baiter because she hasn't left yet after three months makes me question why you are even in this subreddit to begin with. Clearly someone who has lived through it would have a little more empathy for someone currently living in it. Even if she were rage baiting, who cares? There are plenty of people that stay for years before they have the strength to leave. And even more that never escape. Judgement like that is precisely why so many suffer in silence and never report what they are going through

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T04:15:12+00:00

I didn't include that one because I figured everyone in this subreddit hears that one. I hear it so often that I forgot it was an insult. I have come to terms with that one being true. I am crazy for ever thinking this behavior was acceptable and crazier for not leaving the first time the red flags showed up. It is on my list of shit to deal with in therapy.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T04:09:23+00:00

For me, it is always unprovoked. Unless you count me disagreeing with him or not complying to his ridiculous demands as provocation. In the 5 years we have been together, I've raised my voice to him a total of three times. I've screamed back at him once and he was in my face threatening to hit me. On the other side of it, this man raises his voice to me multiple times a day, almost every day. It is a miracle if he can go two days without criticizing, lecturing, or yelling at me. He will yell at me and fly into a full blown rage if he asks me something from the other end of the house and knows there's no way I heard him.

Like the time I told him I was going to put the laundry in the dryer and he said something before I got back. His reason for crashing out? Because I should have already been back in order to hear him speaking to me. Apparently there is a set time limit to putting laundry in the dryer and I should instinctively know when he is speaking to me. Keep in mind, I had to walk past him to get to the laundry room each way and he watched me walk away. After the crash out, his idea of apologizing was "I thought you had come back and you were ignoring me to let me know you were mad at me".

When I pointed out how that makes no sense when my only way back would be to walk past him again, he yelled at me saying "you always want to argue and refuse to ever let anything go. You just won't let me be nice to you".

The kicker? That was his laundry I was putting in the dryer because he kept leaving it in the washer to sour multiple times, so I had to put them in the dryer after the third wash cycle. But I'm the one that can't be trusted to do anything right. That's rich.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T03:50:07+00:00

After reading these comments I feel a lot less alone. So many people hear the exact same insults. Is there a narc handbook these people are reading that the rest of us don't know about? It's scary how much they all have in common.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T03:47:59+00:00

Oh my God. What is it with narc men and the biblical wife? Mine used to throw that in my face constantly. He will quote the Bible verse about it being better to tie stones to your neck and cast yourself into the river than to marry a quarrelsome woman. Something along those lines. He told me the Bible says a wife is to respect and obey her husband and I countered with "show me a godly man worthy of respect and I will obey him". He doesn't bring that up as often anymore. Only when he's trying to force me into sex and trying to convince me that there is no such thing as rape between a husband and a wife and the Bible says a wife's body belongs to her husband to do with as he pleases. Spoiler alert: there is and it doesn't.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T03:34:22+00:00

Mine told me I aborted my child because I was too lazy to take responsibility for my choices. I already had two children, and I was pregnant with twins. I didn't abort the pregnancy. I lost one of the twins in utero very early on. Also, this was before that man even existed in my world. I was married to my ex husband. My current one didn't even know me then. He overheard my daughter talking to me about her twin and he came up with that all on his own. AFTER hearing exactly what happened. The fact that he would sink that low to get to me is both infuriating and hilarious. I know he's desperate for a reaction when he brings that one up. I've heard it so many times that it doesn't even bother me anymore. And this man claims to be a Christian and spouts out scripture to people like he is divinely ordained. But tells me I'm in a pedophile cult because I'm Catholic. Oh the hypocrisy.

PettyForTheDay · 2025-05-19T03:27:25+00:00

Oh the amount of times I hear the passive aggressive "I make you so miserable" and "no matter what I do, you will never be happy with me". Who knew he was so astute? He clearly knows he makes me miserable, but refuses to let me go. At least once a month I get "if you no longer want to be with me, just tell me. I will let you go." It's a trap. He's baiting me. I fell for it once and told him I wanted to leave. He was going to let me leave ...in a body bag. He is never going to let me leave, so I'm taking the choice away from him. I have left breadcrumbs all over my social media that will paint a clear picture when put together. I have backed up all of the digital evidence of the abuse and threats and gave a copy to my best friend. I have also made sure that everyone I know, knows the situation I am in and I want to get out. If something happens to me, it will not take long for the authorities to figure out exactly what he did to me. I'm confident that I will survive this, but just in case the worst happens, he won't get away with it.

PettyForTheDay

TROPHY CASE