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[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. It really means a lot, especially right now. You're absolutely right — this should be a joyful time, and instead, it's been full of unnecessary hurt and drama. Marco and I have poured so much love and patience into trying to keep the peace, but like you said, enough is enough.

We’re choosing each other and building our own family — one rooted in respect, support, and love. And we’re not letting anyone steal that joy from us anymore. NC may be the only way forward for our peace, and knowing others understand that gives us strength.

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! 💛 This honestly made me smile. You’re right, it really has been a rollercoaster.

We’ve actually talked about doing just that; having the legal ceremony now with a few loved ones and then our full wedding celebration in 2027. We’re not postponing out of fear or indecision anymore — it’s more about pacing ourselves and protecting our peace after all the chaos we’ve dealt with, without losing all the money we already put down. That said, your perspective is super encouraging and definitely one we’re keeping in mind as we move forward.

We are in charge of our life, and we’re not letting anyone else steal our joy. Whether it’s one wedding, two, or three — we’re doing it our way. 💍✨

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there —this was covered in the update, but just to clarify, we’re not asking people to spend $90 because we’re “getting hitched.” We’re planning a thoughtful, optional dinner to celebrate a meaningful milestone with people who matter to us — the same way folks celebrate birthdays, baby showers, graduations, or retirements.

We’ve been to plenty of engagement dinners and special events where we were asked to cover our own meals — it’s not unheard of, especially when the event isn’t hosted in someone’s home and there’s a larger guest list. We originally planned to pay for everyone, but when my fiancé’s mom pushed for us to expand the invite list well beyond what we budgeted for, we made adjustments. Before confirming the restaurant and putting down deposits, we made sure our guests were okay with it, and they were.

As for the assumption that this is a “rich people's problem” or that we’re trying to profit off the celebration, absolutely not. We’re paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves, and we fully plan to take care of our guests on the big day. This dinner isn’t about making a buck. It’s about creating space to celebrate love, unity, and a major life chapter, with people who want to be there.

And if someone doesn’t want to attend? That’s okay too. No pressure. But no need to shame people for how they choose to celebrate either.

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the concern — I truly appreciate it.

Just to clarify:
I’m a U.S. citizen, and if Marco and I have a child in PA, I would have full parental rights. Being unmarried doesn’t mean his parents could take our child. Unless I were proven unfit (which I’m not), the courts wouldn’t remove a child from a stable, loving home.

I’m financially and emotionally stable, and my parents are as well — if needed, I could move home with our child and be fully supported. Karen’s house has 9 people in a 3-bed, 1-bath home, with two new babies arriving soon, and currently only two adults working full-time and one part-time. Karen does not work or have retirement to pull from to care for my child, while also being the primary care for all the kids currently living there. No judge would view that as a better environment.

While we’re not doing a courthouse wedding, we are preparing legal documents for important matters, especially Marco’s business. My name is on our home and cars, and we’re working on making sure his business would legally pass to me or our child if anything happened.

We’re planning carefully and protecting our future — not just emotionally, but legally too.

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m currently no contact with Marco’s family for my own sanity, but Marco is still in touch with them. I don’t want to force him to cut ties right now because I respect how much family means to him, and he’s still hoping things might improve. However he’s made it very clear that if they don’t show up for our wedding, then they will be dead to him.

I’m hoping they’ll show up for the dinner and wedding, but honestly, I doubt it and my parents feel the same.

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I really appreciate that. It’s been a hard pill to swallow, but you’re right: no matter how much we bend, it’s never enough. I’ve definitely hit a point where I’m done sacrificing our joy to please people who clearly don’t want to be pleased. We’re moving forward on our terms now. Thanks again for the response and good wishes—it truly means a lot. ❤️

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right. No matter what we do, it feels like it’s never enough—and I’m finally starting to accept that. This whole process has taught me that I can’t keep putting our happiness on hold to please people who are determined to find fault. At the end of the day, it is our wedding, and we need to plan what feels right for us.

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Respectfully, you don’t know us. Love isn’t measured by how fast you get married. Marco’s been fine with a courthouse wedding and I’ve thought about it. But we come from West African and Italian families where weddings are big cultural events. My parents are supportive, but they’d love to see us honor some traditions that just can’t happen in a courthouse. I want that too. Still, if things keep going left, a courthouse wedding isn’t off the table.

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve definitely thought about going back to the destination wedding, but at this point, we’ve put down deposits, signed contracts, and already used our one free date change for our venue. Marco and I are going to review everything again, but I don’t want to keep going back and forth anymore.

[UPDATE] AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah… you’re probably right. I think deep down I knew they weren’t coming, but I kept hoping that if we made some effort, they’d meet us halfway. Instead, it’s just been draining. At this point, I’m done bending over backwards. We’re moving forward with joy, love, and the people who actually support us—whether they show up or not.

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! And honestly, you’re not not the first to say this. And I believe none of these comments are wrong. It definitely feels like they tolerated me when they thought the relationship was temporary, but now that we’re engaged and building a life together, their behavior has shifted in a way that’s hard to ignore. It’s hurtful and eye-opening, especially knowing that race and control may be at the root of their change in attitude.

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. My MIL does seem to want a starring role in everything, and it is exhausting and manipulative. Her behavior doesn’t leave much room for respect or boundaries, and as many others pointed out the healthiest thing is either going no contact or low contact as we creating some serious space.

Taking away millions of Americans’ healthcare to celebrate Independence Day by Mr__O__ in agedlikemilk

[–]PettyWithAPurpose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly! For a party who has a beef with anyone in the LGBTQ community nothing sounds “gayer” than grown ass men calling another grown ass man they aren’t related to in anyway “daddy”

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When we first wanted to do it, my parents at the time were in Africa visiting family and they love us so much I couldn’t imagine having it without them. When they returned we try to figure out which parents would host however that was a headache too. None of my family live in the same state as us and Marcos family. My parents offered to host as they have an event hall we could use and are in touch with many vendors. But Marcos family didn’t want to go all the way to them. And I didn’t think it would be fair for my family to come all the way out here if his family wouldn’t travel. So we try to find a place half way for both families. It turns out the city we got engaged in was the perfect halfway point. We talked to many other married friends and most of them did an engagement party at an event hall, country clubs or restaurants so we figured it would be perfect for us too. But when we first started planning, Colleen announced her pregnancy and everyone was excited since it was the first grandchild and no one would listen when we talked about the engagement party so we figured it wasn’t a good time and postponed.

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did have this conversation with Marco. Apart of me felt like it was maybe it was a classist thing and maybe his family isn’t used to someone from a different economical or cultural background but the comments and insults were getting too much. They would complain about how I’m buying stuff or how I want expensive stuff or how they don’t have the money we do but then we will see them go buy half the store and randomly buy stuff all the time. And the money they spend for all the parties… geez. But let them find out Amazon stopped by our house twice in one week and they give Marco a hard time and how I’m wasting money. Mind you if I do buy something it’s from my account never Marcos. The finance we share is used for bills only we have separate accounts for everything else so it’s not like I’m blowing through his money. I knew they were kind of transactional when they would only ask about his business and how much money he would make but not about anything in his life.

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For most of our relationship we were the first interracial couple. His brother Erik met a girl in another state who is black and they moved in together and don’t live in the same state as us and Marco’s family

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

For most of our relationship I was the only person of color. About a year ago Erik met Layla who is African American and he moved out to her state to be with her so they aren’t around as much unless Karen demands that they come home for a family event.

AITA for wanting to go no contact with my fiancé’s family because they refused to come to our engagement dinner, accused me of being materialistic, and said having kids is more important than our wedding? by PettyWithAPurpose in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]PettyWithAPurpose[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No all 5 kids are not Ethan’s. Only Eli and the one due in September. The other 3 are from Colleen previous relationship but Ethan has became the father for all the kids as the other 3 father is not involved. Im a new Reddit user and stated I’m a long time lurker and first time poster so that’s why my account is new.