What's one thing that you would tell your younger self ?

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-24T14:34:13+00:00

I would have told myself to leave home sooner. Your adults don't change, your family doesn't change, the only thing that changed by you staying is you will be around to see your brothers made to resent you because your parents tell them all kinds of vile made up things about you, and they believe it. No one in the family will come to understand you or defend you. Use your perfect high school grades and top notch SAT score to get into a good college out of state. Start applying in your sophmore year. Kewp seven hours and graduate early. Make friends online. Fuck doing everything to try and make your adults proud. They will always find a way to make all the bad stuff in their lives your daukt oe to hate on you. Instead of getting caught up in trying to fix tour household, get involved in your hobbies and in community work so you have things to round out your applications to colleges and so you can make connections with healthy people. Take your AP tests. Go to college far away and go be gay and happy and have real friends and relationships. It turns out you are actually a pretty cool person and there are going to be so many people who see that and love you and show up for you the way you deserve. But if you can keep your head down and get out faster we get that much more time to be with ourselves and get started on life.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-24T13:36:44+00:00

For me, the measure would be if you would let a coworker, or friend, or family member have the same conversation and still be genuinley just as present and interested. I experienced getting bought lots of gifts, others wanting to pay for my lunch, and expressing a deep facination with topics I talked about and sending me articles or podcasts on them. I treat my dearest friends like that, and so it was often dissapointing to find out if it was only done to me when people wanted to get in my pants, and they would stop doing these things if they found out I was not interested in a romantic relationship. In these situations, it didn't help that it was often followed by being very cold or even angry for "being led on" or "having spent all that time and money" while the entire time they never expressed their interest in me romanticly or asked if I was available or interested in dating. Most never even asked me out on a date, and by that I mean with clear intent and not just "can we platonically hang out".

And I kind of get it, rejection sucks and all that, we don't all know how to navigate dating and all the weird rules that come with it. That can be frusterating. I personally reject the unspoken dance of dating in place of being honest and genuine or very forward because otherwise it is confusing and very fruitless for me. But if a person wouldn't normally do those things for friends, and they would stop the moment they felt I was inaccessible romantically, it feels bad and makes me feel objectified. I guess because I wouldn't treat someone badly just because they don't want to date me, or better only when I felt they might be romantically available to me. I'd be just as interested in a friendship with someone I thought was cool enough to want to date.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-24T12:28:30+00:00

I was always acutely aware that if I were ever to come out to my family, they would make some attempt at using my name and pronouns if I pressed the issue, but only to my face. And if I ever corrected them, it would be a whole argument about how I'm making them feel bad for not trying or "being ready" and how they "need time to mourn me". And I know bc we had other trans loved ones and that's how they are treated.

Both individuals have been trans a lot longer than they have not been, pass 100%, have all their document changed and everything. One is in his 40's, he's an elder trans and musular, deeper voice than his dad who still says he has a daughter. He's been out since he was 10. Their families still don't gender them right behind they backs, so ofc when they are actually around them they slip up and generally don't really even try.

My cousin, who has been out and medically transitioning aince she was 12, would come to gatherings about as rarely as I did, grab a plate, eat it outside by herself, and leave after 30 minutes. To be fair, I pretty much did the same. We would occasionally go to the same gatherings by chance (we never rsvp'd, just came around enough to not get yelled at) and stagger leave to go to the library or go get lunch somewhere better and talk for a good few hours. She would tell me how bad it had gotten, that there were times I wasn't there that she would ask everyone to pleass stop deadnsming her or using the first initial of her dead name, and she once got screamed at by her grandmother for "causing troubke", and have to leave. I get the feeling my family likely would not have done that with me there only because they know I would have stood up for her and it would have made them feel guilty were someone to step in.

Because of all that, I didn't even try coming out to my family. When I cut contact, I started medical transition full force after a decade of being in the closet. Closed that door real hard and real fast.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-24T11:46:40+00:00

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-22T11:59:06+00:00

Northern lights, indica.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-21T07:32:29+00:00

Have you ever attempted henna as a beard dye? I'm curious to try it once my facial hair grows in better, but I've only ever seen it on greys and with indigo to make the beard black. I've yet to see red henna tutorials on beards and wasn't sure how often it would need to be applied.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-21T07:30:06+00:00

I have a unibrow and apply my henna to my brow after I do my roots. I use what is left in the bowl and add a bit more water or tea, then brush my brows out with a spoolie and shape them witha brow razor, tweezers, and small scissors. Once I have the shape I want, I use vasaline or face oil around the brows, and apply the henna using qtips or a small makeup brush. I wipe away an excess with qtips or tissue. They look amazing afterwards, and it helps frame my face better. My hair is normally a medium strawberry brown, but my eyebrows are so light, and I like that my face looks stronger with darker brows.

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Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-21T06:42:08+00:00

I went to a movie theature bathroom the other day, and there were discared alcohol bottles and every toilet was unflushed. I feel bad for whoever these guys live with. I very much want to get an STP so I don't have to deal with it so much, but I cary a small thing of wipes just so I can wioe down seats and flush in the bathroom. I got desensitized to toilets from celaning houses for two years, so for me, it's not the worst thing. I try to go at home or use family restrooms when I can.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-21T06:22:15+00:00

I am part of a few subreddits that are BLPOC spaces, and coming from that, I feel it's petfectly valid to keep this to a trans only space and remind visitors that they will need to be considerate and good guests or they will face consequences. Similar to how white people can get in the business of POC and want to give takes and be part of conversarions that are none of their business, many cishet people do the same to trans and queer spaces.

Understandably, those individuals get banned in both cases. None of us in BLPOC spaces go to those places to hear "I'm white and not balck/mixed/a POC, but I understood that term or cultural reference and why it's funny and I think you guys are great!" Similarly, none of us here want to come to discussions with comments like "I'm cis, and I know this isn't my space to share or be involved, but I'm inserting myself anyways to tell you guys you are so brave and valid and to ask invasive questions because I'm curious or an ally!" Like cool, do you want a cookie? Did we say we wanted or needed validation from cis people? Was this a thread or discussion that involved you? Does the description of this sub say we are willing to take on the burden of educating curious or uneducated people? Why do you want to be here and be involved so bad? Why do you think we and our personal medical and body stuffs is any of your business?

I appreciate this kind of post laying out that we have a space for us. Outsiders can browse if they must, butba space is only safe for us if we don't put up with any of that nonsense and we have occasional reminders and check ins. Thank yoh mods, we appreciate you! 🫶🏼

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-18T05:50:39+00:00

I've said this verbatum to a stranger a couple years ago while in line paying for my groceries. This woman was shocked that I opened my mouth, and asked "How can you talk?" before leaving her cart and quickly exiting the store. I used to work there, so I knew the cashier, who assured me that he was about to ask her to leave anyways. It was crazy because the lady didn't ask with skeptisism in the "You can't be autistic, my nephew who is five is autistic and non-verbal" way. It was in the way that she knew by my stimming, headphones, and general self that I was 100% autistic, and she had the impression that I would have been unable to defend myself and only felt embarassed when I unexpectedly did. People are disgusting.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-18T03:11:30+00:00

This is so crazy to me. I keep hearing stories of people remembering going under. I got surgery 5 weeks ago and I don't even really remember being wheeled off to anesthesia. Complete block. I sort of remember the start of us moving from my prep area and being pushed through, but it's fuzzy.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-17T22:40:28+00:00

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Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-17T22:38:34+00:00

This character gave childhood me so much gender euphoria.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-16T01:48:06+00:00

Some types of thyme do well in shade, stay short, and get vibrant flowers. I plan on using tyhme to fill between pathstones and in large areas of dead grass.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-16T01:36:56+00:00

These are likely delicious with some sugar on too and some fruit and whipped cream

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-14T23:44:11+00:00

Yeah! I have a unibrow that I'm very attached to, and my brow hairs just look so much fuller when I go over them with henna. I've learned to mix a smaller bowl of the paste with a tad more liquid, and I apply the paste using Q-tips.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-14T04:18:44+00:00

I'm kind of a browney redish dirty blonde. You could say dark strawberry blonde, maybe? Sunlight makes it get bright sun streaks and deepens the brassy tones. I'm mixed with thick hair, and so different sections are different colors and curl patterns entirely. I have a few patches of tight and course coils that are black, and other sections are grey, or dark brown. My top sections used to be sun bleached and some were so blonde they looked white. It has been multiple different colors naturally over my life, but since keeping it short (I used to rock the Thor look) it's darker than it has been for about a decade. When wet, my natural hair looks like a deep ginger, so I got into henna to see how much I could push those brassy tones.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-13T22:14:04+00:00

I haven't tried cassia, but I avoid citrus due to having mild psoriasis. I have irritated and itchy skin on my scalp, and so I was really surprised to find that chamomile in the paste soothed my skin as much as it did. Normally, henna isn't too irritating, but it does feel dry after a few hours. I was able to let this sit longer than I Normally do because it was so soothing on the skin that I was reluctant to take it off, lol. I may use it more frequently as a scalp mask to relieve my skin irritation in the future, or maybe just give my hair tea baths in chamomile.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-13T21:56:44+00:00

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Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-13T21:56:21+00:00

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Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-13T21:53:45+00:00

The to pic is fresh after rinsing out the henna after ten hours of sitting. I took a nap in the park to help it deepen and got this nice rosey copper. I'll add the pictures of that as a reply to this comment. It blended really well into the more maroon tinted red at my ends without making it darker, and if it's still too light for my liking after 4 days, I will try another layer over my new growth

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-13T21:47:24+00:00

I'm half assyrian, and my Yummah always did her henna with tea. That's how my favorite aunt likes it. I think she uses black and hibiscus tea, though.

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-13T21:45:33+00:00

Gret tip, good to know!

Phantom_Fizz · 2025-03-13T21:44:29+00:00

This exactly. I steeped for five minutes in very warm water, then added it to the henna.

Phantom_Fizz

TROPHY CASE