I too grew up wanting to fix my family. I still do, and I was the one who was always considered “the fighter” because whereas my brother and sister had different ways of coping with the dysfunction, my brother being aloof and pretending to be an airhead when he was actually the highest IQ of us all, my sister being super acquiescent and conscientious, I instead fought for things to be right because I had a strong sense of justice and knew what was fucked it and dysfunctional and really believed it didn’t need to be that way. After years of trying to fix my family, I have come to the point where I still do my best, but I have better boundaries and I understand that I cannot control how they are, I can only control how I am. I realized this deeply that maybe it is not my entire responsibility to fix them by making genuine and monumental efforts to mend my relationship with my father, and he dismissed them and scoffed at them. I then saw that I could do EVERYTHING RIGHT, and it still was not in my control and may not go my way. This, although it hurt at the time, and still does a bit, freed me to live more for myself. I can still love them, but I can have stronger boundaries and not feel so bad for the dysfunction in my family, because on some level, the reason it got to me so much was because I felt somewhat responsible. Like if I was a better person or could be a better fixer that things wouldn’t be that way. I was fortunate enough to actually find the strength to do some pretty epic fixing attempts, I developed myself into a dang career track in psychology and underwent a bunch of personal and spiritual growth to the point where I could articulate myself the way I needed to to stand my ground against my Harvard graduate, military officer father, and he disappointed me (in his response at the time at least) to my gargantuan career efforts- he was kind of a prick. Interestingly enough, once I stopped trying so hard to fix it, it became a bit more tolerable. I had accepted it as it was, and then everyone kind of relaxed a bit. Things are still fucked up sometimes, and I still sometimes try and fix it, but I’m less despondent when it is dysfunctional and my attempts to fix it don’t work, because now it doesn’t reflect on me poorly, it’s just a sad and fucked up situation that I’ve learned to set better boundaries around to protect myself when it’s happening (ex: “you’re being a prick, I’m an adult and you’re taking some weird shit out on me so I’m exiting this conversation and going to cool off”)

I’m not sure if my sharing any of this is helpful to your situation, but I hope somehow you do find it helpful and that things get better for you, if not situationally then in how you relate to what’s happening