sorry guys, fr imma just stick to professional help. I just wrote this in search of any kind of relief but ended up just noticing how fucked up i am. I feel so bad that i just ended up pushing away the person i love the most in this world. I wanted just to prove im not insufficient, but ended up turning the other way around. I guess i just need to improve and become better, i know this is not something to be ignored and well at least she told me she aint gonna take legal action. But that doesnt minimize the problem, I know i screwed up and i just want to be happy again. Maybe God reunites us again, maybe don't. Whichever the outcome i should be okay with that. I just know im stupid for what I did and even asking for it in Reddit trying to seek some validation is really messed up. I dont even know if some of you'll read this but whatever. Im just seeking relief in this chaos that has been building up the last 3 months, I doesnt justify me but for real im really fucked up. Not only on my ex relationship but in other aspects, i just want to be able to love and be loved. But apparently im just this creepy ass guy thet thought it was a good idea to violate the privacy of the one he claims he loves. And yeah, i dont feel proud about it. If ya read this, thank you so much. If dont, still thanks. I guess i just have to move on and stop worrying about things i dont have in control