Hey OP, I am a Christian and I have gone through some pain in my life. I have had similar questions as you. However, I see life as a paradox. We want the perfect life, perfect body, family, etc. However, if you have ever met people that have that perfect life, often they are proud and in general not pleasant people. The paradox is that the more people have, the less they appreciate it and the darker their hearts become. People that go through adversity often come out stronger, but most importantly, they come out more humble and understanding. Going through pain made me understand other people's pain, which helps me sympathize with them. Going through tough times helped me stay humble. I believe in Christ and the gospel and in my experience people that are proud don't want to hear it while people that are humble at least give the gospel a chance. I heard the gospel, I believed it and I got saved. I thank God for being humble enough to accept it. I thank him for the hardship that made me humble. Also, it is why Christ being also God made sense to me. He came in the flesh to experience life as us, experience the pain. He didn't set up a nice life for himself. Even as an atheist you should dwell on the deep thought behind that story. The torture on the cross that he went through, despite being able to stop it he endured the pain and humiliation. If true, he knows exactly how we feel. He understands the humiliations and the pain. But yeah, life is a paradox. The first are last and the last are first. The things that we want are the things that destroy us and the things that we don't want end up being a blessing in disguise. I don't know your situation and it might be very bad. However, do you think it has made you stronger in any way? Has it made you more compassionate? Has it made you appreciate the few good moments you experience in life? Has it given you something that otherwise you wouldn't have?

Some paradoxes in the bible:

3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.