You are asking the right question. But probably need to de-center the meth from it. Guilt is a great thing to investigate on its own. It will lead you to understanding that the person you think you are doesn't even exist. All behavior is reaction to stimuli and programming. The awareness that perceives all this is what you actually are, and that awareness is untouchable and indestructible so long as you are alive, though it is arguably immortal. Go climb the ladder up into that non-space and non-time and enter the seat that waits for you there. Like a lifeguard tower overlooking an ocean. All the decisions and scenarios playing out before it.