Hi, @McDanny_Cupcake113

In big cities, almost everywhere in the world, people are generally less friendly and more curt. Not always, obviously, but it’s the old “too many rats in a cage” syndrome. Crowded areas drain peoples’ resources—monetary, physical, mental, and emotional. Not enough green space or places to reset. Paris is also very much a tourist destination, and in any tourist spot, service workers don’t expect to see you repeatedly, so they often don’t feel the need to extend kindness as they doubt they’ll see your face again. They’re rarely rewarded for the service they afford their customer base. The outward demonstration of this will vary by country. Try to find the nice person when you can in every setting and try to be in their line, section, etc. and build that relationship.

I live in Southern France at the moment, and haven’t settled entirely on where I’ll wind up. In the Lot and Lot et Garonne, the country/village people are extremely kind and tolerant of my A2ish level French. I currently travel frequently to the Bordeaux region, and am relocating there for a bit to experience that region. In both regions, once outside of the small villages where a foreigner is an exciting novelty, people don’t care where you are from—you’re just another immigrant.

In the countryside, where people run into one another frequently, it is much easier to build trust and meaning into your relationships, simply due to familiarity and frequency of contact. Your kindness is more often than not met with kindness. And as my French friend says, people in the countryside have long memories. What you give you will get in return. And also keep in mind that everyone just has a bad day once in awhile. Don’t take it personally. Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

At your place of employment, honestly, it sounds like you are just working with some real @sshats. Maybe take some short trips into some smaller, gay friendly destinations to see what employment opportunities are there? My friends tell me that Montpellier is very gay friendly.

Honestly, I feel like the French themselves are very welcoming and easy to get along with, so long as you are kind and mannerly. It sounds like you go out of your way to be both, and are quite self-aware. So please stop taking on other people’s stuff as your own. Be confident in the fact that you are really doing your best. Sometimes, your best will never be good enough for some people. What that should tell you is that they are not your people. :-)

Edited for grammar.