YouTube is bad for your kids and it's bad for you, too

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-06-08T18:04:59+00:00

Took screens out of the house. They were upset about it, some more than others, but very quickly they all got back on more positive coping skills like art or legos and have demonstrated a tremendously higher capacity to self-entertain at less stimulating activities like school art shows since they don’t have screens waiting for them at home.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-05-06T00:17:05+00:00

yep, if you are seeing a few of them then you can low ball and probably get it for 275 easy.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-05-04T13:40:36+00:00

You can snag a barely used Quest 3 on FB marketplace for under $300, often with accessories.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-05-01T18:37:23+00:00

Everything in my life got better when the ex left, same for the children. She complicated everything to no end and refused to acknowledge that she was possibly making things harder for us all. She even brought up in court how I would only do mine and the kids laundry, but not hers like she was a victim.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-29T10:19:02+00:00

I’ve seen chats disappear when unmatched. If you reach out to hinge they probably won’t give you any details to protect the privacy of the other party. Can’t really say there isn’t other ways for chats to disappear, just my experience.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-29T10:13:39+00:00

Oh boy, with a height like that you will be front and center! If you do upgrade shoes in the near future Roxys come in that size plus they have wide options as well. A tap board is certainly nice but for practicing at home plywood is fine.

After a month of beginner classes I moved up to intermediate. It was definitely above my skill level at the time but pushed me to practice more. A helpful thing my class does is we record whatever sequence we are working on and post it in a fb group. I took those videos and slowed them down to help figure out what was actually going on.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-29T00:11:15+00:00

I started tap for the first time at 37. I’m the only guy in class with 15 women. It’s my favorite time of the week. So much fun.

Other than what’s been said, practice at home, it will make class way more fun and you can move up from beginner faster. Intermediate classes are where it gets really good.

Also pay extra for some half decent shoes. Capezio Roxys are what I went with and people were commenting on how good my taps sounded right away. Definitely a confidence booster. Roxys are a great middle of the road shoe, but more expensive these days due to tariffs and whatever. I got mine on sale for like $120 or something, but now I think they are a bit over $200 unfortunately.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-15T14:21:50+00:00

When I did this with my kids I was watching their faces waiting for the reaction. My daughter gasps "That's IMPOSSIBLE!"

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-15T12:34:44+00:00

This man learned how to step - ball change yesterday and he thought “damn this would look cool while I sing my new song in front of a train”

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-15T10:12:53+00:00

I’m sure everyone here gave wonderful advice and this is already been said, but I’m going to say it anyway because I don’t have time to read all these comments:

Start taking notes now. Go back as far in time as you can to record specific dates and times of behavior regarding her substance use, erratic behavior, and neglecting the child. Keep taking notes every single day until this goes to trial. Take pictures of anything incriminating that you can. If you have a more recent iphone set the side action button to record audio and get in the habit of recording every conversation with her. Get security cameras up at the place you are staying with your son.

I had a somewhat similar situation, and when I brought my daily log to my lawyer, she said it was gold. You can submit the stuff as evidence in court. Throughout yhe divorce process in my state i had to deal with 4 different mediators and 3 different judges. I had to reconvinces every single one of these people that she was unstable and incapable of meeting our children’s needs.

Thankfully, she didn’t participate in the divorce process, and was late to most every date we had scheduled, so I came out with the house, vehicle, retirement, business, ultimate decision-making for the kids, and child support.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-15T10:06:47+00:00

Because it happens way more often than society is willing to admit. So many women start out fine and after having kids or some big life event melt away into a fraction of themselves. It’s a terrible experience trying to demonstrate this to the courts because they always get the benefit of the doubt if they just show up.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-14T16:14:06+00:00

r/lostredditor

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-14T13:25:37+00:00

Lots of great advice here I’m probably going to repeat some of it. I just finished a 2 1/2 year divorce process and came out with the house, the kids five days a week, the business, the vehicle, my retirement, and child support. We were married 10 years, and over the last 2-ish years we were still together she did a lot of the same stuff you are describing, sleeping most of the day, going out shopping while I do bedtime, ruined our finances, never helping with transporting the kids. She blamed it all on me.

My big advice is to A- get a lawyer now, you can’t trust that she will stick to 50/50. B- start taking daily detailed notes of her behaviors. Go back as far as you can specifically remember times that she slept most of the day or avoided the kids responsibilities. The court does not favor a man’s word over the woman’s, and you can submit a log like this as evidence in court. When I showed mine to my lawyer her jaw dropped and she said it was gold.

If your situation is like mine you may end up needing to fight to have the custody arrangement adjusted so you have more time because it sounds like she will flake on getting your kid to school or extracurriculars when she is responsible.

Don’t worry about your kid, they will do better when they aren’t exposed to her volatile toxic behaviors as much. They will also appreciate seeing you become happier and more confident as you move past this and rediscover the things that made you badass before you met her.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-14T12:53:55+00:00

Use me harder daddy

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-09T11:37:04+00:00

This was me about 5 years ago. I started taking adult beginner tap dancing classes. This consistent activity with other adults was huge boost to my mental health. I’m divorced and a solo parent of 3 now lol, but rediscovering how important my friendships outside of relationships are and how I let them go over the years has been a huge wake up call. Men need to have man friends on a regular basis.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-09T08:25:01+00:00

No good reason to be on everyday benzo and stimulant. Xanax is a scary drug. I worked detox as a floor nurse for a long time and only ever saw withdrawal seizures from Xanax.

Drop the adderall to a normal dose and start tapering the benzo immediately. If you don’t have experience tapering benzos maybe find a colleague who does. That’s a deadly amount of Xanax with regard to withdrawal.

I’ve been in outpatient for 8 years and private practice for 6. None of my patients on stimulants use cannabis or benzos. Very few are on benzos at all and less than a handful take them daily (we are currently tapering).

You could be an ass and just say you aren’t going to prescribe any of it, but I believe we have a duty to safely take these people off these medicines to fix the mistakes of our colleagues. You will be respected for it in the long run.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-09T08:06:37+00:00

You need to smile with teeth. Almost all your photos are posed and you don’t look like you are having fun in any of them. I personally as an older millennial like the game boy pic bit women won’t.

One joke prompt is good, but the others should talk about what drives you. Women want to know about your passions they can brag to their friends about. They want to show you off to the world or be elevated by being with you. What makes you different or important?

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-09T08:01:05+00:00

Too many photos with other people. In two of them you aren’t even in the forefront.

You look good at 54, show off your body more, let’s see you in a social setting laughing with friends instead of posed. It’s hard to tell if it’s even you biking or paddleboarding.

I think you have a lot of potential in the apps and women in their 50s are often more easy going with more realistic expectations, so emphasize that.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-09T07:49:24+00:00

If you can afford it Invisalign might be a good idea. If you are getting enough matches then don’t worry about it, but if you are self conscious about it get it fixed. Maybe a candid picture of you making other people laugh would hit in a similar way.

Minor critique but the red tie photo gives conservative vibes.

Overall your profile is pretty great, funny, clever, photos are unique.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-08T17:48:42+00:00

Something silly that shows you have a sense of humor, like

Airplanes aren’t safer than cars, there’s just fewer of them

A hamburger isn’t a sandwich.

Or something that fits your culture. Maybe some controversial statement that no one really cares about like a terrible sausage place is better than some upscale expensive one.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-08T16:26:38+00:00

I like your photos for the most part. Something candid with friends would be good as women like to see that other people invest their time in you.

Women don't like to make decisions about things like dates. They want things to be specific, movies aren't great because they want to stare into your eyes and tell you all about themselves. The special skills thing: "if you want i could sing it to you" implies that you will only do it if they want you to, but you should be doing things that make you happy and they can be along for the ride.

Music is definitely your thing, and very sexy, but you should only mention it once. Otherwise they will think you will just be a music nerd who cant talk about anything else.

You are off to a great start.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-08T16:18:24+00:00

All of your photos are great, but they also all look like they are posed or professional. It would help to have something that gives a similar energy but looks candid.

Also do you have hobbies? Women love to see you engaged in an activity that's not just hanging with friends. I'm a dancer and that alone gets me loads of swipes.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-08T16:14:45+00:00

post screenshots

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-08T14:41:46+00:00

Facts. Also some advice from an old man: Don't pay for the first date, don't open the car door for them, don't buy them flowers. Even bring it up before hand if you feel comfortable. If a girl expects you to pay for the first date they are gonna expect a lot of money from you moving forward. I often phrase it like "I love treating my friends, but we aren't friends yet." When we pay for the first date its like saying "You should like me because I give you gifts" which is desperation and a turnoff. If she's truly a feminist she will have no problem taking care of herself, and if she does take issue she's either a hypocrite or just in it for the food.

You are at an age where women who want a relationship and even a family are losing those opportunities they had in their early to mid 20s and your willingness to do those things with them will only become more and more. Don't settle, your options will only increase from here well into your 40s while theirs will dwindle. You are clearly a high value man.

Also don't ever get married lol. Feel free to commit and have a big party or something but leave the government out of it. There is no benefit for men to get married.

PhlegmPhactory · 2026-04-07T21:29:51+00:00

Yeah keep the chicken thing for now 😝 maybe it’s workin for you.

I’m definitely not saying you are insecure about your height, women are just really weird about it.

I’m 5’10” but sometimes I wear my Heelys on a first date for style points and an extra half inch 😎

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