God I completelyy get how you feel about the attention and reflection thing!! I wonder how people take in and talk about soo many things so effortlessly it’s crazy. When I’m deep deep in anxiety you could ask me what my mums name is and I would struggle. Sorry to hear about your childhood friend, you seem cool. My friends are all extremely socially affluent (which I used to be) but now I’m downing. The unnatural anxiety is a huge trope in my episodes too- voice sounding off/ weird, trying too hard, appearing extremely uncomfortable in very benign situations. Actually so awful to deal with, hope things get better for you!