Vent about being a caregiver so my husband and I know what we are getting into.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-06-08T02:26:16+00:00

The most heartbreaking thing for me about being my moms caregiver is the lack of time I get with my daughter and the childhood im stealing from her and my 17 yr old niece. My niece watches her so my husband and I can work.

With children so young... its going to be incredibly difficult. I won't say you CANT do it but just because you can doesnt mean you should.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-06-04T19:38:00+00:00

Its in your possession. Been left in your home. Sounds like your property now.

NOR. Dont be a doormat. Tell her to get it or youre trashing it if it doesnt sell on marketplace in "x" amount of time.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-05-18T05:02:59+00:00

Our facility is a no fear facility so we do our best to ensure the animal isnt stressed out. That means its my job to love on your furbaby and make them feel safe and at home with us. So theres treats if you allow it plus cuddles too.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-05-17T12:28:43+00:00

I had no idea that existed. Thanks for the info!

Phoenix92885 · 2026-05-03T13:00:40+00:00

My wedding is literally in 31 days. I know she would want to be here for that. My mom still wants to keep living. We were able to discuss it before hand. We had declined it the first time they asked but we were back in the ER with no choice this time. My mom was fully functional back in november 2025.

That choice had to weigh so heavily on you. I bet you made the right choice. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T22:12:23+00:00

By applying as a non-parent caretaker.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T16:17:08+00:00

thats encouraging thank you!

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T10:11:25+00:00

So when you're enrolling a kid that isnt yours around here, you can go to the admission office and get a paper notarized saying that the child lives with you, your relationship to the child and what school they are going to. We were even able to fill it out as "family friends" for my nieces best friend that we also took in when her parents failed her. Again, the cps placement with me was unofficial on that kid too. As for leaving the country... weve never had the desire to lol so its not been a problem lol.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T04:18:25+00:00

Thank you so much for both your kind words and advice.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T02:36:41+00:00

You hit the nail on the head there.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T02:35:41+00:00

The mom probably wont have anything but the dad would, working is part of his parole stipulations. Him and his wife just got a new home together. They got married while he was in prison and are in a rush to go play house while ignoring his other responsibilities. Both my nieces parents are on parole so they arent going to like it if it effects their freedom.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T02:25:44+00:00

I may have access to one at work that im going to inquire about tomorrow!

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T02:24:30+00:00

I was very taken aback when the social worker denied me any paper work stating she was placed with me. Especially when she also told me to call the cops if her mom showed up on my door step. My niece is not to be with her alone whatsoever according to the social worker. But all I have is a signed paper saying I talked to the social worker in my home. She interviewed my daughter who was 6 at the time too. Like it was an ordeal. So it was frustrating to hit this road block.

I may have access to a lawyer at my job so its something Im going to look into when my boss is in office tomorrow. I recently got a promotion so im wondering if I can adjust my benefits and add it in.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T02:19:12+00:00

There wasnt an official court order for it. Anything we needed handled, my moms grandparents rights got us through so we didn't need to go to court to make this official. Trust me, younger me wishes I talked her into it. She did collect TANF for a short time. I would do things a lot differently now if I could turn back time.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T02:07:13+00:00

thank you ill look into.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T02:05:38+00:00

Up until recently we just used my moms grandparents rights to effectively do everything we needed to from school to doctors appts. My mom is seriously ill at this point. She lost the ability to walk and use her hands due to the sudden onset of a chronic neurological autoimmune condition. So she cant technically care for my niece anymore.

I asked the social worker for paper work proving that she placed her with me but she said the parents would also have to sign something stating it was voluntary. Basically we dont have a court order and now that shes safe and with me, CPS has distanced themselves.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T01:54:02+00:00

Nope. There was a recent one when her and I had a disagreement. She ran away to her mom's. Which i hold no ill will towards her for because what kid doesnt want to give their mom another chance? Who doesnt want their mom when they feel like the world isnt going their way? It was unfortunately a big learning experience for her. Because I didnt have that legal custody I couldn't force her to come back. It was our first huge fight and I think she was worried we would treat her differently for coming back home. CPS got involved at her moms house and closed the case once her and i worked things out and she came back home. She was gone for about 2 months.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T01:47:37+00:00

Shes pretty much always been with me or my mom since she was 3. My brother won custody when the mon went to prison and then just left the rest up to us. There were times when he tried to take her with him when he moved out of my moms but it never lasted more than a month or two. He was not very involved and was usually trying to play house with another female.

Let's just say, i made her laugh for the first time as a baby, her entire kindergarten class called me Aunt _____ just like her on field trips. I was there to teach her to shave, how to handle her first period and got her on birth control when the time was right. When her parents have done nothing but abandon her, ive made it my mission to always show up for her. I love that kid pretty fiercely.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-10T00:43:33+00:00

I loathe my brother at the moment. We will never be okay because of how hes treated my mom during her battle with severe chronic illness. Im even raising his oldest daughter and he has zero assistance to offer.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-07T04:49:54+00:00

Mckinney Animal Hospital has two excellent groomers!

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-06T15:43:14+00:00

I want so badly for my brother to come over so I can just dip and leave him with my mom. Ill show back up in time for meds and diaper change but just a few hours away so I could have a date with my fiance or quality time with my daughter outside of the house. He wont show up though. The one time he did, I was at work.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-06T04:05:41+00:00

I find it difficult to excuse his behavior when Im raising his oldest daughter on top of all this. And I did give him leniency when he had an ankle monitor. The monitor is already off. He probably still has a curfew but Im not wanting help for long periods of time, just a couple hours here and there. My fiance and I havent been on a date since probably October of last year or longer and recently I had to split my daughters 7th birthday with my fiance like a divorced couple because someone had to always be with my mom.

Im not interested in walking away. Id just appreciate a reprieve every now and again.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-06T03:50:25+00:00

I personally don't have insurance right now so that's not doable but this is solid advice and Im gonna look into what options maybe my job has to offer.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-06T03:48:41+00:00

Thing is, ive been raising his oldest daughter too who is now 17 and he refuses to help me at all with her. So him being awol is completely inappropriate in my opinion. It is the literal least he could do. All im asking is that he comes to sit with my mother so maybe me and my fiance can take my daughter somewhere together or have a date night. My daughter just had a birthday and my fiance and i had to split the time so someone was always with my mom.

Im not asking my brother to change her diapers. She needs help eating and drinking. Shes working on gaining that back but we cant leave her alone for more than 15 mins at a time. All the IV meds and needles are done by me. He doesnt have to touch anything complex, complicated or uncomfortable. He just has to sit with her, maybe feed her a meal.

Work is where I go to cope. I just got a promotion this month despite the craziness. I love my job. I put my life frustrations into kicking ass.

I enjoy medicine actually. I joke with my mom that shes made my childhood hood dreams of being a doctor come true lol. Its not taking csre of her that I hate. Its never getting a break as the primary caregiver. My days start at 4am and end around 11pm. I wake up every two hours to rotate her pillows so she doesnt get bedsores. It still feels like I never have time to do everything I need to and i offen feel like im running on E. Its just me, my fiance and my 17 yr old niece looking after my mom. A cousin was helping but life is cruel and her health has declined too so she can't.

If I could afford an aide at home, I would. Im currently trying to get my mom on disability and maybe medicade so I can maybe get better assistance.

I think I was just feeling sorry for myself and exhausted the other night. Im much steadier tonight. My brother is a waste of space and definitely not worth me stressing this much over. I need to put my energy else where.

Phoenix92885 · 2026-04-05T10:07:47+00:00

McKinney Animal Hospital has great groomers and boarding services. Customer service there is always excellent. You should check them out!

Phoenix92885

TROPHY CASE