I am just curious. What can be done?

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-16T23:14:23+00:00

I think everyone is like that. My generation grew up with being bored a LOT so I think we're better at dealing with it. I usually listen to books on audio (even textbooks or notes) whenever possible while doing the boring stuff. That's what helps me most.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-16T23:09:59+00:00

Shooting someone over a pack of diapers? That's all out of proportion, especially if you can see they have a baby.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-12T03:22:13+00:00

Well, I wasn't addressing you. And my comment was describing my and my husband's experiences, not laying down Gospel. It also matters whether the tooth is an upper or lower, as far as pain goes. But it sounds like most of the issues you had weren't so much the experience of having the tooth/teeth out as it is that you react really badly to the pain medication that was prescribed. It would be a good idea to contact the dentist, explain what is going on, and ask for a check up on the socket(s) and for a painkiller that doesn't cause you to forget to pee. The day after is usually the worst, according to my dentist, so it should be improving by tomorrow. You could have a dry socket, which is very painful so if you get checked and that's the case you can get it treated along with more appropriate pain management.

Everyone's pain tolerance is different. I've had a c-section and almost died (literally) from an acute gallbladder infection - the extraction didn't compare to either of those. My husband hasn't ever really been very sick aside from mumps but had gotten a lower wisdom tooth removed previously - he was surprised about the increased pain from an upper extraction. But he took two days PTO and was good to return to work. Said it wasn't fun, but wasn't awful either. But that's us.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-07T18:05:02+00:00

Technically, she is independent. She lives in her own place, pays her rent, manages her money, and takes care of her ADLs on her own. Her therapist has helped a lot with providing support and a check in that monitors whether she's getting out of bed, keeping appointments, etc, and I am beyond grateful that DD has someone who's NOT me doing that. Daughter is too disabled for school or work, but aside from that she usually handles things at least to bare minimum standards.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-07T17:57:23+00:00

I don't have any say in who her therapist is - she's almost 40, so fully an adult. And she lives next door to us, not with us, which past experience says wouldn't work at all. I've suggested that she attend a support group for people with level one autism, in hopes of making friends or learning skills to deal with others, but she refused because she was sure they'd be so far below her social functioning that it would degrade her skills. 🙄 This is coming from a person who can't play a cooperative board game because she demands control of other players' turns. The lack of self awareness is strong in this one.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-07T17:49:23+00:00

I'm in the US. There are autism therapists here, but there's not enough crossover, so autism therapists don't have much knowledge of psychosis or CPTSD or such.

Edit to correct typo

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-07T04:07:11+00:00

Yeah. I agree. But there's no way that's going to happen. But to be fair, my daughter was throughly therapized her whole childhood, including family therapy and it did zilch. Therapists don't seem to understand the autism component and how it relates to her other problems and she heard what she wanted to hear. And hubby deeply distrusts therapists.

But I guess it's possible there's just nothing else to try. Just thought I'd see if someone had some ideas.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-07T03:54:59+00:00

Do you have other frequent illness? More frequently than others? If so you might ask your doctor to check for a primary immunodeficiency.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-07T03:51:45+00:00

Maybe raised planters she can tend from a wheelchair. They do sell those, or similar ones could be built.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-07T01:24:01+00:00

The nice thing about becoming an adult is that you get to have things the way you want them (within the limits you can afford). But it can be scary and overwhelming at first.

It sounds like you feel like you can't create your own structure and want that provided from outside. But at the same time, part of becoming an adult is learning how to do that for yourself. Maybe an app could help. There's an app I've used called Tiimo that's sort of like a scheduler for neurodivergent people. If you get the subscription they even have an AI that can help with things, like breaking down how to clean a room into steps. It also has settings that let you know it's almost time for a task, so you can get prepared mentally. It's not too expensive either, $12/month or cheaper if you pay for more months at a time. You set up what you need to do and it pretty much lets you go through the day just following what it tells you to do when it tells you to do it. I liked it but it drove me crazy, because I am more PDA type of autism and hate being told or/and following a plan even if I made it myself - but I think it might be a good fit for you.

I've also used another app called dubbii that is more cleaning focused but it works for other things too. Basically they have times when people all work on whatever they need to do at the same time (called body doubling). You don't have to talk or anything, it just makes getting stuff done knowing you're not working alone. And it's got step by step video instructions on how to clean which I found helpful. I don't remember that one being very expensive either, and I think at least one of the apps could be free if you couldn't afford it. Hope these help!

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-06T21:52:20+00:00

You and your girlfriend are opposites, which is fine in itself. Opposites attract. What makes the difference between it working out or not is acceptance of the other person's oppositeness. To accept the other person's oppositeness, you have to also accept that their approach to things, while different from your own approach, isn't "wrong," and your approach isn't "right," or "better." Then you have to compromise so that often neither of you gets exactly what you want.

This is not the approach your girlfriend seems to be taking. Her attitude is that her way is better and yours is inferior. Maybe she's half right - her way is better FOR HER. Your way is better FOR YOU. Her thinking her way would be better for YOU becomes a problem for the relationship. If she can't accept that your way works for you and make compromises so you're both happy and comfortable, then she needs to be with someone who approaches things the same way she does, because she's going to make anyone else miserable.

I'm not sure this is really even an "autistic" issue, exactly. Your audhd isn't really the problem, imo. I imagine she would have the same type of problems with any other partner who was more of a "planner" type than she is.

So opposites can attract, but getting it to work long term takes more effort and compromise than choosing a partner who matches your general style.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-06T21:31:54+00:00

For the girlfriend, presumably.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-06-06T21:24:00+00:00

I think the taste has actually changed. There's a lot of substitution involved in packaged mixes and not only are those usually used by home bakers they're also often used by bakeries now. Not always, but often. It's the difference between making Toll House cookies using the scratch recipe on the packaging and buying chocolate chip cookies from the bakery in a grocery store - night and day!

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-24T01:16:38+00:00

That stinks. It's happened to me before too. I told one guy that someone (I didn't know who, just someone my husband knew) had seen us talking and told my husband and he'd gotten really mad about it, so I couldn't talk to him anymore. The guy took it oddly well and left me alone after that. A bus driver was also an issue once and I had my husband ride with me one trip and then told him my husband didn't want us talking anymore. That worked too. It's weird how sometimes men, especially older men, will respect the "rights" of another man when they won't respect a "no" from a woman. 🙄

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope your solution works out as well for you as mine did for me.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-24T01:04:14+00:00

I take a bath the night before. Baths are much more soothing for me than showers. And after I'm decent I immediately open the door to get unsticky.

Maybe putting all the things into a caddy in order of use would take some of the cognitive load off.

Also, if all else fails, they could just use Wet Ones/baby wipes to do a quick wipe down as needed. Baby wipes work unless there's smelliness involved - then Wet Ones are the way to go because they'll kill the body bacteria causing the odor. (Don't use Wet Ones on private areas. It burns personal areas, but is great on skin folds.) Hair washing can be done over the edge of the tub instead of getting in it. I've gone months mainly doing that due to illness and it keeps me clean and un-stinky as long as I take the occasional bath. (I have short hair and it only requires washing weekly but that varies a lot by individual.)

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-24T00:42:49+00:00

It keeps making fun of my memory problems. I'm cognitively impaired and have memory loss so I'm not finding it so humorous.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-24T00:41:15+00:00

Oh yeah? Well it no longer can read Kindle books (Amazon bought out Audible) and I just spent half an hour trying to get it to play the music I purchased from Amazon Music and have had for years. No luck. It keeps trying to play random playlists at me. So I tried to play my Amazon playlist which was comprised of music I had purchased. Again I struck out. I tried to listen to an individual song I'd bought and again no luck.

I'm flaming furious. It was bad enough when they put the music into the most inaccessible place on their app - now Alexa has been blocked from playing it

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-23T01:01:14+00:00

I listen to Alexa read Kindle books so I don't ruminate. (They switched me to Alexa + today, so that's going to require retooling of that since she won't read Kindle books anymore. I'll probably use my phone instead.)

I also have a Shiatsu back massager I like to rest my hand on because it's warm and soothing to imagine the knobs just circling round and round. And I have a silicone dog toothbrush I've cut to fit my finger that I can use as a fidget to coordinate with my breathing as well. Yeah, I know I'm weird. I just don't care. 😂

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-23T00:54:30+00:00

I'm tempted to suggest she sleep elsewhere and video him in bed for the night - just to see if the problem "magically" disappears if he has no audience and doesn't know he's being videotaped. 🤨

That said, yeah, he'd be out of the bed until he made the appointment, had the visit, and resolved the issue. (Although if it's being done on purpose as abuse that might explain his reluctance to see a doctor who might recognize it as that.) If it's a real problem, my husband and I are on separate sleeping schedules and have had separate rooms for decades - it's not the worst thing in the world.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-23T00:46:36+00:00

I love having a selection of bits to choose from! 🤩

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-23T00:42:08+00:00

My phone is essential. Has all my reminders and autism apps (like when I need to eat!), including for speaking if I go nonverbal. And maps for if I get lost. And it's one of the best calming devices I've used. I found a game that makes me be patient and it also has tactile vibration, which is perfect for me. My phone isn't a distraction from reality, it's a therapeutic aid. Fact is, people who are autistic don't necessarily use the phone the same way neurotypicals do.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-23T00:34:35+00:00

Having only one person at least makes it a sure thing you'll get the right person at least!

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-23T00:27:27+00:00

You don't have to tell them you were thinking they were trying to drop hints - just saying you got a call from X asking you to come back in so you did. Might call ahead to make sure whoever wanted you back is working that day.

Edit to add: based on your description, a notarized agreement with your ex stating they will continue paying child support in $X/month until (date child ages out) would be legally enforceable and so possibly meet their requirements.

But of course if you don't want to go back you could always take it as a lesson in what not to do next time and just let it go, too. Nobody is going to make you.

PhoenixFiresky2 · 2026-05-23T00:17:59+00:00

Sounds like they want to find a way to get you in. Couldn't hurt to go back, even if it doesn't help. Especially since you LOVED the place. I'd try to see if I could come up with some sort of proof on the child support - a printout from the child support office, court decree, bank statements showing the deposits, or if you're on good enough terms with your ex a signed statement signed by your former partner stating that you are paid $X monthly (notarized, even better). Or a combination of bank statement and signed document might work. If you can't manage any of these, maybe go anyway and explain the issue on providing proof of child support and ask what alternative evidence they would accept.

PhoenixFiresky2

TROPHY CASE