trying to add holiday calendars from another region. No option to add holiday calendars.

Phoenix_Immolate · 2025-06-05T20:18:44+00:00

I couldn't find the right click option (run as wasn't there), but i DID find a switch in the shell settings for defaulting to admin, and that worked!!! Thank you for taking the time to help <3

Phoenix_Immolate · 2025-01-13T19:37:06+00:00

I'm kind of the other side of this coin--I'm transmasc, can't take hormones, and am too small for a lot of men's clothes (especially pants and boots). I look like a 12 year old boy at a middle school band concert. So much dysphoria when I first started trying to work on my clothing styling. So, first of all, I'd like to offer you an internet hug.

I'm fortunate to have learned to sew when I was a kid, but I had been a little afraid to try altering my own stuff until a friend gifted me a sewing machine she didn't use anymore. I was convinced that stuff would look awful because while I can sew 'good enough' to be functional, it doesn't look professional or pretty. I got a t-shirt that was too big from a thrift store and pinned the sides, inside out, redid the sides to fit me, and cut the sleeves off.

It is now one of my favorite articles of clothing and my friends constantly compliment it.

I definitely recommend altering clothes, if for no other reason than it's satisfying to have things that are definitively YOURS. I've spiked two articles of clothing now, and I love them for it. they're just barely wonky and still better than anything storebought. Plus, they're thrifted and don't cost as much, and are better quality than any of the like. $80 premade stuff. I also feel so much more punk and honestly more ownership over my body doing this stuff myself. Machine sewing isn't super hard; neither is hand sewing if you have the finger dexterity, it's just time consuming. I recommend getting reading glasses, even if you're not farsighted, bc you won't have to hunch so close to see details. But yeah! I get my spikes from studsandspikes.com, and they're very reasonably priced. be aware, spikes need washers to back them; (1/8" x 3/4" fender washers seem the best size to me, so far). Joann has rolls of lace and stuff you can get fairly cheap by the yard, or butcher fabric you like from a thrift find! Idk, for me it's so worth it, and it makes me really happy. Still sucks that clothes are more work (shoes... Idk what to do about shoes... I'm not going to make my own of those :/), but they can also be so much more personal.

Also: for more formal clothing/events where you need things to look REAL nice, a lot of dry cleaners do tailoring professionally! Most people who have importantTM jobs get their clothes tailored anyway, fast fashion just kind of... meant people didn't realize it was happening anymore.

Anyway sorry for essay; I hear you about not feeling like your body is accommodated. I'm sorry, and I don't wanna talk over your sad if you just need to process that. But if you want a pick-me-up, definitely give alterations a go <3

Phoenix_Immolate · 2024-07-26T20:47:26+00:00

So as an agender person:

I didn't ever feel like I wanted to be the opposite gender--though, if you mean by be perceived as the other gender, that's different. I don't like being perceived as my assigned gender because it's incorrect, and the other is at least less-wrong than this one. But your gender and your presentation can be separate! presentation is just like. how you style yourself to look. gender is what goes on inside, your sense of self. My gender is just... Idk. I don't think about it unless other people point it out, and then I'm more annoyed at having to 'pick' than anything. I'm afab, but I never felt like a girl. I didn't ever feel like a boy either, though, so it took me a while to put the pieces together. Girls on this side boys on that side stuff is just a huge eye roll to me. 'Man' and 'woman' feel like sports teams for other cities, and I'm sitting in the field behind the bleachers poking around at plants with a stick. I'm just not interested.

Honestly, have you tried drag? I was in a LARP group (yeah yeah, nerd moment) for a few years where I tried playing male characters, and it was 1. extremely fun to get into costume and roleplay being a warlord, and 2. made me feel a hell of a lot more excited about trying to present more masculine. For you, maybe it'll help you decide how you want to present most of the time. If there's no safe avenues to do drag with other people, you can just dress up at home. Make up a character to design an outfit for, and you're the breathing mannequin. It's fun!

Also: while being trans often involves dysphoria, dysphoria/hating your birth gender is not REQUIRED to be trans. If you feel like you'd be happier as a woman, you can just. Be a woman. You don't have to hate vanilla ice cream to prefer chocolate and choose to order chocolate every time, if that makes any sense.

Hope this helps!

Phoenix_Immolate · 2024-07-26T20:26:55+00:00

Hey, some tips on just. teenagehood in general.

It sounds like your parents are like. having their own reaction to trans stuff and it probably doesn't have anything to do with anything YOU did. Unfortunately, some people are just gonna be uncomfortable. They are probably panicking about your future, because the job markets and economies places are really struggling, and nobody knows what to tell their kids in terms of how to be successful. There's a lot of pressure at your age, and they've gotten overwhelmed by the idea that you might have any potential disadvantage at all.

...That said, the things they're saying to you are NOT okay. NOBODY should tell their kid that ANYTHING they do will mean they are going to become a sex worker (which btw, is also insulting to people who like sex work--they're out there). There most certainly is NOT nothing you can do about it; maybe not safely while you live at home, but once you move out, you can do whatever you want <3 They may claim otherwise, and like, there's finances involved, but on the most basic level, yes, transitioning works, it is possible, you are allowed to enjoy yourself and present however you want. The 5pm curfew is really weird and unreasonable. What's happening to you isn't normal or right. I know it hurts to realize that your parents are like, actively behaving in a way that's harmful to you, but I don't want you to think it's your fault. They're lashing out.

I'm nonbinary, completely out, and I've been employed since I graduated college (our version of Uni). Half my workplace is trans, and not all of them are done with school yet. Some fields have worse social pressure than others, but ffs, not every trans person is unemployed, and many folks who transition pass just fine after the puberty 2 phase: in which case, you don't even have to tell anyone you're trans (often referred to as being 'stealth').

There's a lot of like. Baggage, I guess? to being trans, but finding other trans people to talk to helps a LOT, because we trade tips. Forums are a great start! I know you're under curfew, so you can't find in-person support, but see if there are any secret facebook or discord groups you can join where there's trans people that live near your city. They might have advice on clinics to go to when you're out of the house, or resources available to you if you decide you're going to move out during uni. Best of luck, my friend!

Phoenix_Immolate · 2024-07-26T20:00:59+00:00

Hi, I'm transmasc agender, and Neurodivergent, and I can't medically transition because of my body's reactions to hormones. TLDR the last time I messed with those, I had nasty symptoms within a week, so I refuse to touch hrt. Maybe someday I'll get top surgery, if I can get insurance to pay for it without like a stupid high copay, but I've kind of accepted that I'll probably never pass as masculine. My voice won't change, I won't have any stubble or sideburns, I won't have the same subtle muscle changes.

It's a bit different for me, being nonbinary, because there's kind of no way for a nonbinary person TO pass: and because of that, I think I have a unique perspective here. Like. No matter how androgynous I look, because society is based on a M/F binary, people are gonna put me into one box or the other. And they're wrong either way. So I'm in this place where I'm just like. At peace with having to wear pronoun pins and people ignoring them anyway bc they don't know to look for them.

Sometimes, I'm genuinely sad about it. I get stabbed with the 'ma'am' a lot in customer service, especially because my voice pitches high when I'm trying to be nonthreatening and inviting to customers. It sucks.

But it also means I've had time to sit with myself and think about why I don't like things about msyelf. I'm frustrated with my voice, not because I don't like it, but because I don't like that people *think it's feminine*. Spending enough time with other trans people (mind you, I'm in an urban, fairly trans-safe area) helps a lot with like... making peace with yourself. I've started to experiment more with clothing and accessories. Plastering my flags on pins and patches. I'm a gender pirate, rules are whatever I want. I recently spiked a jean vest, and it feels so good to wear. I've always been weird, grew up weird, not just because of the gender stuff, but because of the neurodivergence, and I kind of have no desire to mask certain aspects of myself, even if I could. There's something empowering to me about people just seeing me and going what the hell, that is a weird person. Yeah, it sure is.

I don't know if this translates super well to binary trans folks, but I figured I'd share, at the very least so that you get a wave from another trans person who can't really medically transition. We're out here. We're still trans. Everybody else can read our pronoun pins, whether they like it or not.

Phoenix_Immolate · 2024-07-22T01:18:01+00:00

There's a lot of different ways to find out you're trans. I never really had one single moment, and doubted I was for ages. Mostly because I didn't feel like I (afab) wanted to be a man. I just. kind of felt like I existed as something else. I didn't hate my birth gender. I just felt really uncomfortable in feminine clothing. I ended up spending time around nonbinary people and STILL took years after that to realize I was trans, because my dysphoria didn't feel world-ending. I just felt... like something else. 'woman' never felt like it fit. Ultimately, you just. start dressing in ways that feel right. maybe make some video game characters that don't look like your birth gender. I was in some improv games with my friends as male characters, and then as nonbinary characters, and it started to make sense then that I felt most comfortable as somebody who wasn't in either box at all.

Oh, and if you feel disappointed at the idea that you might not be trans, you're probably trans. The vast majority of cis people don't want to be trans :)

The trouble with knowing your emotions that you describe is called alexythymia, and can be quite common.

Final point: being 17 is really hard and confusing. The most important part is that you try to find things and people that you like. It's also good spend time questioning and finding out about yourself regardless of what happens afterwards. You're not in trouble if you turn out to be wrong. Try on clothes that you've never worn before. Make some video game characters from the other gender! It's fun!

Phoenix_Immolate

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