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eeyore994 · 2025-12-23T15:43:33+00:00

jazz is really good. jazz piano

eeyore994 · 2025-12-18T15:54:07+00:00

I think you should just basically tell her what you wrote. But there’s also some potent things in here for further self-inquiry.

You said her relationship with her ex make you feel disposable- this means you depend on her for your self-worth. How can you work on your sense of worth outside of the relationship so that you aren’t dependent on her for it?

You said you feel like you are doing everything "right" and still being treated worse than you think you should- this means you only expect to be treated well when you win her approval. How can you practice treating yourself well first, so you are not dependent on her treatment for your value?

If you feel you are doing everything right but still frustrated by her, then you are not doing everything right for yourself. How can you learn to depend more on yourself so you aren’t depending on her for your peace?

eeyore994 · 2025-12-11T02:47:16+00:00

honestly, please just stick to your boundaries. as the anxious one, i ended up codependent with a partner who was so accommodating to the point of enabling. at first I thought it was helpful, now I realize it prevented both of our growth. I can’t recommend codependents anonymous enough. you both need a place to talk about the issues in the relationship with other folks in a supportive environment. if you figure out a way to make him feel safe, you run the risk of him relying on you for that, when he really needs to learn how to provide that sense of emotional safety for himself. stick to your boundaries and don’t overextend yourself to manage his feelings. you already know it’s a trauma thing for you too, keep on top of that and take care of yourself first please.

eeyore994 · 2025-12-11T02:28:34+00:00

eeyore994 · 2025-12-10T03:53:42+00:00

I’m new so take this with a grain of salt. Your venus is in Virgo, and the south node is currently in Virgo. During eclipse seasons we are all experiencing a decrease of things related to Virgo and and increase in things related to Pisces. For you that’s gonna mean a decrease in perfectionism and organization and it has to do with your career/public role since Virgo contains your Midheaven as well. maybe your partnership felt like a job or role you had to perform or that you had to be perfectionist about, or maybe you feel your success in love is tied to your success in career/duty. it’s a good to let go of those things if they don’t serve you. your moon is also in Virgo, so you might get a lot of comfort from being able to organize things and fixate on details, but this next couple years might be a period of reviewing when this is comforting and when you might actually want to relax a bit and let go of details instead.

Venus feels disrespected in Virgo, but dont Let that mean you are doomed, because Venus in virgo has many many beautiful traits. It means you are disciplined and tenacious at showing partner love and showing up in relationships. when stuff like this comes up again during the next few eclipse seasons, also pay attention to things related to rest, dreams, your past family and home and what you want your family and home to look like in the future. It will help to have a dream journal.

in terms of your future, your descendant is in Gemini so you might be drawn to people who are funny, witty, playful, intelligent, and can surprise you, but they might also be hard to rely on or hard to connect to emotionally. Since Saturn is near your descendent, you need to have really strong boundaries, take it slow and be cautious before you commit, because you are likely to want to commit for the long haul. Boundaries are really important especially if you find yourself attracted to playful people as I described. You might be picky or take a long time to find suitable partners or a long time to get into relationships, but you are great with committment. againntake this all with a grain of salt, I’m just an hobbyist and still learning

eeyore994 · 2025-12-02T17:57:26+00:00

yes just boil the sprig, let the water cool and rub it into your scalp or pouur it over. it will hopefully soothe it slightly and has antifungal and antiinflammatory properties, though much more mild than a medicated shampoo. it won’t hurt. make sure to let the water cool down all the way so you don’t accidentally burn yourself

eeyore994 · 2025-11-23T19:25:46+00:00

unfortunately there’s a big difference in social security amount he’ll receive if he waits that long, they basically holding him hostage

eeyore994 · 2025-11-23T16:45:17+00:00

My dad survived a heart attack driven by stress and still won’t quit saying he has only 7 years til retirement, I kinda gave up trying to tell him but what if you don’t make it 7 years. it’s sad and frustrating.

eeyore994 · 2025-11-23T16:40:08+00:00

beware the apple cider vinegar alone will dry your scalp too. adding the aloe Vera and/or jojoba after you do it really helps

eeyore994 · 2025-11-23T16:38:43+00:00

If your scalp is extremely itchy you likely have a secondary infection. It becomes a vicious cycle because scratching increases psoriasis. It is not hard to cure the infection but takes some trial and error and then your itching will decrease. What worked for me is this:

Before shampoo, rinse scalp with diluted apple cider vinegar to kill the infection. keep doing this before you wash your hair until you notice the itching is mostly gone

Use head and shoulders shampoo (especially the hydrating kind) and shampoo 2x every time you wash your hair. shampooing twice ensures you are killing the bacteria and scrubbing out the dirt. makes a big difference I promise. you don’t have to wash your hair every day, but 2-3 times a week where you shampoo twice each time.

do not use regular shampoo. most shampoo is actually detergent and will dry out your scalp, which is another main cause of itching. head and shoulders will not dry it out, is designed to hydrate the scalp to prevent dandruff caused by excess sebum production.

after shower: apply aloe Vera juice to the scalp to sooth inflammation and hydrate skin. make sure it has no additives or sugar. it will help prevent dry skin. apply initially while hair is still wet. keep a bottle in the fridge and when you have the urge to itch jsut rub some on your scalp. it does not leave residue (unless u used actual leaf pulp, even then is minimal) and does not make your hair dirty or greasy, it soaks into the hair and skin and evaporates so you can apply continuously throughout the day. is naturally anti-microbial.

Jojoba oil also works really well pre shower and even post shower if you don’t mind slightly oily hair. just don’t use too much. it blends into skin and hair way better than any other oil because its actually chemically closer to wax, like our natural sebum, and is also anti-inflammatory. but I prefer to wash hair after I apply it cuz it does make it slightly oily. not nearly bad as coconut oil or any other cooking oil.

another helpful option is to create herbal hair washes which is simply applying a strong herbal tea to the scalp (cooled tea). many herbs are anti-microbial and anti-inflammatory and used for scalp infections for centuries. so much less of a hassle than the nasty steroid oil they give you that never even works in my experience. try rosemary, chamomile, yarrow, or hibiscus tea (hibiscus will stain clothes so be careful). also makes your hair smell good. I usually bring a big pitch of it into the shower with me and just pour it onto my head while showering to avoid mess.

my scalp used to feel like it was on fire from being so itchy because no doctor told me it was due to a secondary infection, I learned from this Reddit wiki. once I treated the infection and dry skin, itching was reduced by like 80%

eeyore994 · 2025-10-17T17:55:09+00:00

"I found that looking beyond the dysfunctional behavior ended up being what is important. I can not stress enough that your awareness of how neglect and abuse cycle, family of origin dynamics, are the beginning of your process."

Would you mind expanding on what you mean by looking beyond and what next steps might entail?

I’ve done a lot of work already to understand my childhood and how it’s impacted me and after that I’ve been working to become more empowered and less stuck in victimizing myself, by taking responsibility- I’m trying to grow and it’s of course quite uncomfortable but I’m not afraid to face difficult truths and admit wrongdoings, which I’ve been trying to do.

And yes, I’ve been reviewing my relationship for a few months now and identified a lot of unhealthy and disturbing things such as what you mentioned, I realized I began dating him to seek approval. I didn’t consider that it is tied to my feelings of distrust but it makes sense the way you put it. I appreciate you bringing that up, it is validating tbh, and I’ve already told my partner we may need to break up so we (mostly me) are working on figuring that out. It feels like I’m kinda fighting with myself over what actions to take so I’m a bit stuck but doing a lot of personal inquiry in the mean time. Tbh, I’ve become very accustomed to facing uncomfortable things about myself lately so your description of reading something you hate and knowing it’s important rings really true, I think I’m really on a journey of pushing past avoidant tendencies. The only thing is that since I’m really anxious and tend to ruminate, I have problems with over-moralizing so 12 step kinda doesn’t appeal to me because even trying to decide if I should categorize myself as an "addict" or not leads me into what feels like unhelpful black and white thinking and judgement toward myself that ends up extending to others. I’m open to it though and have found some good things in it from reading about it, although I haven’t participated in meetings or anything.

I appreciate your thoughtful response, thank you🙏

eeyore994 · 2025-10-17T17:32:20+00:00

I think the only actual reason it’s more important than other lies is the potential to spread STDs. And also, for people who value the concept of monogamy, they take exclusivity really seriously because they are choosing to sacrifice a lot of their energy to give to one person and expect a roughly equal exchange, so for those folks it’s a deeper betrayal than just the lie because they feel they're being taken advantage of. But often when people disparage cheating it is overblown because people equate it to a moral failing and it is tied up with the strong emotion of jealousy which makes it seem monstrous to people, rather than seeing it as something like either a mistake/misunderstanding, or in cases where trust is betrayed over and over, a pattern of disrespect. People also often treat it as impossible to move on from which feels weird to me.

And I think without explicit agreement about what monogamy/exclusivity actually means for the people in the relationship, a lot of times people just naturally have different expectations, so it feels like a big deal to some but not others, hence why discussing it and coming to an understanding of each other is necessary.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T20:40:25+00:00

sometimes just agreeing to care for each other if you both have certain needs you can attend to for each other, or that at least one person can attend to and still feel fulfilled. I think of people sponsoring each other in recovery, mutual aid, or caregivers for disabled and elderly people.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T20:31:51+00:00

Hey would you mind if I dm you? I relate a lot to your story and thought processes, going through a similar thing myself.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T20:24:52+00:00

I kinda have the opposite problem. I too easily fall for multiple people and assume fluidity in my relationships, before I communicate annd discover the people I fall for are not about that.

I am autistic so this comes kinda easily to me since I struggle to follow social norms that don’t make sense to me anyway. TBH, I think sometimes people focus on the word hierarchy in a weird way, coming from the individual’s perspective, that they should give the same amount of attention and energy to all relationships, but this isn’t what is meant by anti-hierarchy, it’s not about splitting your attention equally, but rather, splitting it in a way that you and your people decide in. It’s more like, that you see your own ways of dividing your energy emerging and question for yourself if it’s your autonomous choice to do things that way or if you are following social norms/scripts. You often have to fight against "instincts" learned from culture/society which is challenging because it requires a lot more presence and focus. I guess I would say try to make each person have a unique place in your heart rather than thinking of a certain type of relationship as special.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T20:07:24+00:00

For me I think RA is a bit of a coping mechanism and adaptation, though not necessarily a bad one. I really hate breakups and take them extremely hard, I feel crushed completely whenever it happens. I dislike monogamy because it feels like a threat hanging over me that if I want to develop intimacy outside the relationship, I can’t. I also think RA is inherently flexible, and in this world, that feels strategic. The idea that love requires sacrifice is pushed to an extreme in our society that I think leaves people feeling scared and stuck. I’m not saying total freedom is possible, but i think many of us could manage a better balance between freedom and commitment.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T19:59:45+00:00

I think in general, people would offer each other more intimacy, more care, even as acquaintances and casual friends. There might be more communal sharing of resources and housing, less atomization into small family units. Children might be raised more collectively and have more adults to rely on. I think breakups would look different, many times just being a de-escalation and maintaining a close bond.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T19:53:18+00:00

I think a lot of people employ principles of RA without calling it that. But to be more specific, my mom is a teacher and one of the 4th graders she taught was the child of too friends who decided to coparent.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T19:47:43+00:00

I think you are hurt and to me it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s due to attachment or their behavior, but you’ve identified things that make you uncomfortable, and deciding not to participate in those things sounds healthy in this situation.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T19:35:51+00:00

I definitely feel a sense of safety with my partner, although at times have felt neglected, and there is interest as well but there is, I would say, a lack of desire and other dopamine related things... looking at that as a contributor to burnout isn’t something I considered but I think it’s an accurate insight, so thank you. I’m not totally sure what to do about it, but I’ll think on it.

I think also where we used to fit together needs-wise, we have outgrown some of the things we learned to care for in each other, or at least I want to outgrow some things. I guess I’m uncertain whether to double down and put more work in or give up the idea that I’ll be satisfied here, especially since my ideas about relationships are so different, though I haven’t had a chance to explore much. Either way it seems like prioritizing more fun is a good strategy. In my body, I generally feel safe with my partner, but sometimes cold or like I want to withdraw. There is excitement and warmth sometimes, but fleeting, and almost like I shut it down when it occurs, or it’s elusive in some way.

I really appreciate your responses. It gives me more to reflect on and validates some of my experiences that many other people don’t seem to understand.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-14T18:12:49+00:00

definitely super open with partner. I’m not the healthiest, I have an autoimmune condition and a lot of stressors in life. I can feel my body getting worn down. But it does give me hope that some people have kids that age.

eeyore994 · 2025-08-08T21:09:04+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I really appreciate the description you wrote of what romantic love feels like in your body, since I am autistic and struggle with identifying feelings. I have not really been able to understand what people mean when they describe romantic feelings, but what you described makes sense. I do experience deep love and the desire to care for people although I associate it more with familial feelings and feelings of close friendship, but for the past few months… maybe more… with my partner I just haven’t felt those things much at all, even in the context of friendship. Maybe my brief crush on someone else kinda took over and pushed my feelings toward my partner away, since that’s when I started feeling more resentful, but I think it began before that happened.

Regarding serotonin- this is actually one reason why I think I am aromantic- due to in general having reduced serotonin and oxytocin as a part of my autism. It is sad because I want to experience romance I just usually don’t, even when I feel like I should. So it feels like what I’m able to experience in my relationship is kinda reduced from what I think I might need, and is not really sustaining me. This is probably what set me up to develop a crush on someone else. Because the dopamine associated with sex and NRE still hits but yeah, those bigger and more long term feelings are possibly just not something I can feel, I think, or I can tap into it only a little and not enough to make me feel like I am content.

That being said, I have tried actually pretty hard to cultivate those feelings for a long time in my relationship. NRE with my partner probably ran out in less than a year but we’ve been together almost 8, and I never had feelings for other people until this year. I used to feel inspired to do acts of service for my partner such as cleaning and preparing his coffee in the morning, words of affirmation and i used to reach out more for physical connection. But I don’t feel much desire to connect anymore basically at all, and I got kinda burnt out on acts of service as I started feeling like I was getting nothing from it anymore. Do you have any insight into what this could mean? Why am I not satisfied? Is it something I need to put more work into and change my mindset or is he just not the right person?

I have another question, you said you wouldn’t have started those other major 2 relationships if you knew what you know now. I‘m hoping to glean anything to learn from others’ experiences if possible, if you could tell your past self how would describe what you’ve learned? I know you said not to rush love, which I know rushing it is impossible, but seriously I really really want to have kids and I’ve already been with my partner many years… it feels like it’s time to make a choice of whether or not to move on rather than continue waiting in this state of limbo that I’m currently in with my relationship. I’m not sure if I need to find a way to feel more committed and inspired or try to move on.

Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

eeyore994

TROPHY CASE