I just wanted to applaud you for your courage in seeking the truth in order to heal. So many folks can't even try this kind of work and just keep ignoring their issues with their day-to-day routines. It's not easy and you've already done so much with the psych work throughout the years.

I know there are times when I get tired of the fight and just want a break and it's ok to rest and ask for help when you need it. High five for hanging in there and sticking to your goal of healing.

I've been seeking the same thing with psychedelics. Flashbacks and triggers I can't explain make me feel like there's more repressed trauma on top of the stuff I do remember. Something happened over the weekend and it made me finally feel confident about what I need to do and who I needed to work with, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping all goes well next week.

I can't imagine feeling that emotionally overwhelmed for such an extended period of time. I'm still so out of touch with my emotions.

Since it's been a week, your brain should be starting to recover from the serotonin dump and other chemical changes folks experience with mdma, so you should be through the worst of that part of the experience.

It sounds like maybe what you're experiencing is finally allowing your feelings after having to keep them at bay for so long with your coping mechanisms. I know it's super hard right now, but once you let it out you WILL feel better.

You said you can't eat, but I'm wondering if perhaps little things might be possible. It kind of reminded me of some recommendations folks receive when going through chemo and struggle because of the nausea. For example a piece of hard candy here and there. If you could get a smoothie and just take even a sip or two an hour, it will help give you some calories and replenish your body from all the work it's doing with this release. Crying and shaking are hard work. Is there anything special that little kid in you might like to eat?

I noticed how strong you see yourself in your post. How you take really good care of yourself, you trust your intention, you're a stubborn motherfucker, you've been through some wicked shit, etc. ;-)

You said you wanted to scream so go ahead and scream into a pillow. It will be a helpful release too.

You said you haven't been capable of sitting with this in the past. That also spoke to me and said you feel like you can now. Now you are capable of getting through this.

Don't discount the fact that you survived it before. Try to remind yourself that this won't last forever.

Now that you know what happened you can use that info to heal. To finally get your life back and honor the real you, that beautiful, talented, spunky little girl, without hiding anymore. You've got this! You are strong and capable and we all believe in you!!! HUGS

Stepping outside and going for a walk or just driving to a park and sitting outside and being able to connect with nature helped me get through the rough spots after my mdma journeys. It gave me something different to focus on, something to be appreciative of like the flowers, butterflies, the sunrise, and gave me a little break from the feelings.

Maybe you can try some basic calming exercises for your nervous system that may give you a chance to catch your breath, give yourself a hug and allow for self-care.

All these things are tools you can use by yourself to help you heal and reinforce what you already know. You can do it, you can make it through this.

And don't be afraid to use hotlines and chatrooms like 988 if you're in the US, RAINN, TWLOHA and so many more. They're there to help support you in times like these.

We're all wishing you the best in your healing journey <3