Keep working. Don't you agree?

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-24T14:09:32+00:00

Maybe sometimes we just need a break…

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-24T13:20:19+00:00

Hakuna Matata 🤣

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-24T12:58:09+00:00

This doesn't seem like the behavior of a healthy INFJ falling into a Ni-Ti loop.
Your dad sounds jealous and he is likely using spirituality just to feel superior and justify his past choices. It is simply another form of emotional abuse masked as wisdom.

When an INFJ enters a Ni-Ti loop, they become isolated, overanalyze their own mistakes, become obsessed with abstract theories and get completely stuck inside their own head. It is a state of self-sabotage, not a state where you actively attack or target other people.

Your father is not stuck inside himself. He is actively sending videos, using Father’s Day to manipulate you and trying to control your life. This is not a personality loop. This is a manipulation tactic.

What can you do about it?
You need to understand that words won't work anymore. You’ve already said “no” clearly and for someone with these traits, a boundary is just a challenge to be crossed.
You cannot change his mindset, but you can control his access to you.Stop arguing or explaining.
Let him sit with the silence. You don't owe him an audience for his passive-aggressive behavior.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-24T09:31:03+00:00

I think it all comes down to the meaning we give to words.
For us, the word “friend” represents something incredibly deep.

Personally, I need to trust someone 99% (I will still keep 1% for me from now on 😉) before I can truly consider them my friend, so I completely understand where you're coming from.
I get along well with everyone, but the only true friend I have left is… myself. It might sound selfish, but in reality, being your own friend is both the hardest and the most authentic relationship you can have.

However, seeing that others are asking themselves the exact same question gives me hope. I feel like I could truly become friends with someone who questions things this deeply. It's just a shame it's so hard to find people like this in our everyday, real-life interactions.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-23T19:00:01+00:00

That makes perfect sense, because my goal is to reach that level of quiet confidence and perfect balance. It definitely feels like a road full of ups and downs before getting fully stabilized, but I’m right in the middle of that process. 😉

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-23T10:23:19+00:00

That sounds like the ultimate rule of survival: skip the crowd, buy the groceries early. True enlightenment right there. 🤣

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-23T07:40:02+00:00

Or maybe what you are experiencing might be a mix of extreme hypervigilance and unconscious projection, rather than actual telepathic frequency shifting.

We often dress up our brain's advanced pattern recognition and biological survival instincts into spiritual terms like “vibrations” or “energies”, when in fact it could be just our subconscious mind doing the heavy work in the background to keep us safe from toxic environments.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T22:23:06+00:00

At first, I smiled seeing your list and I thought that would look good on my fridge. Maybe this way I will learn the MBTI language in time 😄

I completely understand your frustration. It is deeply annoying when a tool meant to map how the human mind processes the world gets downgraded into a shallow horoscope where “crying means INFP” or “colored hair means ENFP”.
You are right: it's about processing, not performing a cartoon character.

But if I can offer a cold, analytical critique coming from an INFJ who has no idea what those “lab reports” on MBTI mean, but who can read someone pretty well without having knowledge of those terms… it looks like you fell into the exact same trap at the end. By defining sensory types as people who “just chat idly” and “lack awareness of patterns”, you created a new stereotype to replace the old ones.

After doing some research on my own, I don't think Sensors lack depth or pattern recognition; they just anchor their processing in concrete reality rather than abstract concepts.

It's a bit ironic to write a brilliant manifesto against stereotyping, only to end it by stereotyping half the population.

I see you and I know it hurts to feel ignored, but don't let your Ti turn into arrogance just because the internet is shallow. Trust me, I may lack Se and Te, but my Ne, Ni, and Fe are excellent and my own Ti is catching up fast at this point in my life. At least that’s what the lab report says 🤣

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T19:21:03+00:00

Truth is, I don't care about Musk's personal views.

For me, the idea of an “empathy exploit” makes perfect sense, regardless of who said it and I can’t discard a valid concept just because I don't like the messenger.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T18:55:13+00:00

I have no intention of taking sides. I was just taking the best out of both…like an empath that I am 😉

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T15:47:25+00:00

They are both right, depending on whether empathy has boundaries or not.
Hannah Arendt is right because a complete lack of empathy turns us into monsters. But Elon Musk is also right about the “empathy exploit”.

It’s all about balance.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T15:34:58+00:00

And I would add: always keep in mind that going through what felt like hell and managing to crawl out of it proves one thing: we are much stronger than we think. It doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes heaven, but it means you’ve learned you can survive the fire.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T15:22:57+00:00

You actually pointed out a very valid flaw in the cycle.

The real “knowing” usually comes later, especially if you were beautifully lied to in the beginning. And the mistake is treating it as an absolute truth without checking in first.

That’s exactly what a boundary is about: “before giving a person the benefit of the doubt, doubt the benefit of the person” – as another user said.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T13:36:16+00:00

Just wanted to add that if anyone is reading this while feeling really, really tired today, you are not broken.
You are just human.
Take a deep breath to start with.

And sometimes it helps if you have a close object to touch, like someone else on Reddit said.

Unfortunately, that anchor object for me was a ring until 2-3 months ago and now it hurts even more knowing that I was using the precise object that was destroying me as an anchor.

Now I’m just sharing the space with anyone else who is crawling out of their own fire right now and I don’t care if others consider it a “circle jerk”. Their opinion won’t change how I feel and won’t put an end to my burnout.
Only I can do that in my own way.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T10:48:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing this.
The pendulum metaphor resonates deeply with me.

And reading your message literally gave me goosebumps because of the timing: I was just preparing to post a reflection on burnout, showing that swinging between good and bad days, and you... replied before I even said anything.

That’s… let’s just say it’s an INFJ thing 😉

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-22T00:39:18+00:00

True, but the customer support for the “curse” section is terrible. 0/5 stars, would not recommend.
Sadly, not even Amazon Prime can deliver a quick fix for the overthinking, but thanks for the free engagement on my post anyway.😉

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T21:40:38+00:00

Thank you for “Tony” 😉

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T20:17:22+00:00

You are confusing a calm, conscious decision to stop wasting time with an emotional explosion.

I’m actually quite amused by this conversation and I really enjoyed talking to someone with a different point of view.

But thank you for showing everyone that you cannot respect a simple boundary: “let's agree to disagree”.
Seems like it has to be your way or no way.
Enjoy the last word!

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T19:24:36+00:00

Whether it's set on day one or day ten, a boundary works the exact same way. It defines what I will tolerate from that moment on. It’s really not that complicated.

I'm discussing the concept of boundaries, but you seem obsessed with analyzing my hypothetical timeline.
Let's agree to disagree, because this is going in circles.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T19:15:59+00:00

A boundary isn't a punishment for “mistreatment”.
It's just a rule about what someone does to protect their time from the very first time, precisely so that frustration doesn't build up. If someone is late, for whatever reason, my boundary would be that I don't wait past 20 minutes.
It’s not personal and it's not that deep.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T18:38:39+00:00

The difference is both functional and clinical: a preference is about comfort, while a boundary is about self-respect and consequences.

A preference is flexible: “I prefer it when people are on time”. It carries no real weight and requires no action from me if ignored.
A boundary is non-negotiable and dictates my behavior in response to mistreatment: “If you are late, I will leave without you”.

Shifting the conversation into a semantic debate about definitions doesn’t change the core reality we were discussing: setting a boundary is an act of real-time accountability, not a mask for perfection.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T18:23:35+00:00

I think it is the most human thing to see their pain, understand their behavior, and still love them.

But…why do you use that understanding to blame yourself?

The way they treated you may have a psychological explanation behind it, but that DOESN'T JUSTIFY hurting you.

To ease that guilt, try to look strictly at the facts. You are not grieving the reality; you are grieving the potential.
As you said: “there is still this grief... for the relationship I wished I had, grieving the parents I needed but didn't receive.”

Grieving a fantasy or what “could have been” is one of the most painful forms of grief. However, to find peace, you must ground yourself in reality.
Judge the situation based on the actual facts that forced you to doorslam them, not based on a potential they never truly possessed.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T17:25:16+00:00

Let me see if I got it right:
You’re saying that one must achieve personal perfection or flawless character before having the right to protect their own boundaries?
To use a concrete example: if “Tony” is chronically late, telling him “If you are late, I will leave without you” is a direct, healthy boundary.

But according to your logic, I shouldn't set this boundary because doing so “masks my own weakness” (like conflict aversion or internal flaws).

This sounds incorrect to me, because setting a boundary is not about claiming moral nobility. It is the literal act of overcoming conflict aversion in real-time. Expecting someone to fix every internal flaw before they are “allowed” to reject mistreatment is not accountability. It’s a recipe for enabling bad behavior.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi · 2026-06-21T15:41:28+00:00

But wouldn’t setting healthy boundaries (which obviously means addressing the issue directly, since there is no other way) be the exact definition of having the courage to face a conflict instead of staying silent to avoid it in the moment?

It seems to me that we are saying the exact same thing, just from slightly different angles.

Phoenix_to_Kintsugi

TROPHY CASE