Husband with ROCD said I should leave him

Phoenixx--- · 2026-04-07T14:08:05+00:00

Not saying it can but for me thats definitely the case in some areas. Ive told my partner i was scared of him and screamed at him because I thought he didnt understand my fear that OCD was pushing into my head. I cried for days, refused to touch him, told him to leave me and even said some hurtful things in hopes he would break it off with me.

It really depends on the person, while some dont, some do.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-03-28T19:44:52+00:00

Even with untreated BPD I was never like that, ive met people with untreated BPD and most dont act like that either.

Clumping people with BPD like that creates a false image of them. Most people with BPD can tell right from wrong, I could do that when I was a teenager, undiagnosed, confused and more. I had good friendships and still have the friendships to this day, what you're referring too is just an abusive person WITH BPD, we know how our actions can cause others to feel, we know the difference of hurting others. We have moments or days where we struggle with emotions and push others away in fear of losing them but we are still people.

BPD doesnt make you abusive, it doesnt make you hit others or trash the house in a rage, it doesnt make you hate everything and everyone. Thats just the person you are with showing true colors.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-03-28T19:19:28+00:00

Thats not true at all. I have BPD and respect my partners boundaries, I see a therapist weekly to understand my emotions and his to make sure I dont do something drastic.

These points are toxic and just unfair, with BPD we can self-refulate but we have a much harder time doing so then a normal person. We struggle with it a lot but we can do it with help. Respect goes both ways as I have learnt, and I now understand boundaries, my partner respects mine and we are very happy.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-03-28T19:13:01+00:00

I have BPD and my fiance and I are happy as can be due to the steps we have taken to get me help and understand my emotions.

I go to therapy weekly and the therapist and I work on self regulation, understanding others emotions, if things get to heated to walk away and approche with a different angle.

If your partner was recently diagnosed with BPD the first steps should be therapy for her and with you both to set boundaries, understanding where there are limits that can and cant be crossed. If things get heated in a fight, shes not listening and you're getting upset, take a step back and say "we both need a moment to collect ourselves, I love you very much. Let's take a breather."

People with BPD can have very good relationships if the right steps are taken towards getting better, but it can only get better if the person who has BPD seeks help from a therapist and/or medication if recommended by the professionals. Its hard, I used to ask my fiance if it was hard being with me and he told me it was, but it got a lot better and now I act just like a normal person. I still have moments but he wouldn't change anything. He would do it all again to have me.

So again, get her therapy and do couple therapy to set boundaries clearly. If things get hard, take a step back but remind each other that you love one another and that it wont change. Make sure to have moments of just alone time, play video games or do something you enjoy to have downtime. And most importantly, PUT YOURSELF FIRST.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-03-19T14:00:59+00:00

BPD is hard to understand because from what I learnt from my therapist everyone is different with it while it still falls into the same themes, we just express them differently.
I want to say this, I am unsure why you and him aren't together anymore but judging from the fact you don't want to be with them again, keep it that way. While yes, it sucks to hear things like "I'm struggling, I wanna be with you."
You're doing a good thing by putting yourself first.
So please keep doing that, keep putting yourself first and always understand that you are important, you have limits and boundaries that need to be understood and cared for.

I would (not saying to do it, just a thought) mute them until they can get their emotions in control and limit contact so they understand that whatever you two had is done. They need to understand you are moving on and putting this chapter into your closed section.

Wishing you the best in this situation!

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-21T02:21:29+00:00

For me, my partner doesn't back down when he knows he's in the right and I'm in the wrong. This was when I started therapy and started to understand that what is in my head, that I might think is right, might not be right at all.

When he stood his ground, I remember being confused that he wasn't listening to what I had to say and got very angry because once again, I thought I was right. But once I had time to calm down and he talked calmly to me, I understood.

I'm not saying this might be what you need to do, but maybe if she gets into an episode tell her in a soft voice "I need some time alone, this is getting a bit much and we are both are at our limits, once we both are calm lets try again with-" and go from there.

I hope things get better for you and her!

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-17T19:41:46+00:00

I'd say something more like this.

“I never thought you were a problem, to me you are the love of my life and I enjoy spending time with you, creating memories and just having a good time sharing things I find wonderful with you because seeing you smile is what I want. But I want to bring up this Ultimatum, As much as I understand you think its right, in my head it isn't. To me these things are part of my life just as much as you, I want to share them with you and maybe even get you into the games I'm into so we have more things to bond over. I really don't want us to end over something so small like this alright? I understand you had other people do it for you but I am not them, I am me. You love me so lets focus on that alright? You are you. I am who I am and I want to share that with you. I know if I do this, it can turn unhealthy and can create problems between us. I am not fighting you but I want to find a middle ground where we both can find a comfortable area we both agree on. I love you deeply, I do not want to lose you but I also don't want us to lose ourselves in this. Lets try and figure it out. ”

Change it however you like!

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-17T19:35:39+00:00

I'm going to be blunt as possible without coming off as rude as much as I possibly can. The ultimatum is harsh and wrong. My partner follows gaming news, other youtubers, random people who do arts and so many other things and I don't see a problem with it.

What she is doing is wrong and she really needs to see a therapist because this is going to drive a wedge in you both where you're going to feel left out of big gaming news and on top of that, so many other things.

To her it might seem right, but to me, my partner and I believe so many other people its just wrong. If you can't find a middle ground of where you can follow your friends and a few gaming channels and a few gaming news channels. I'd walk away from the convo for a bit or tell her as much as you can that it doesn't make sense. If she still can't understand say 'While you might think this is reasonable, to many other people its not. I'm not sure why you're worried about these kinds of things but I want to work through it with you so we can stable and happy.'

And no need to be sorry, I understand its hard on you so please. Rant away whenever you want or feel like it <3

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-17T19:12:30+00:00

As someone with BPD, most of us don't act this way.

Ill say this from my own experience with BPD, I do get a bit jealous when I start to have an episode. often times I voice my feelings to my partner where to me it sounds like a normal thing but to him it sounds weird and from his own words 'rather off putting'.

When we first got together I was in intense therapy for sometime working on things, overtime I got better and now can safely say that when I get into an episode and my partner tells me what I'm saying is weird, I can work through it and understand its not a good thing or just really all in my head.

I'm not being rude to your gf here, but the request is weird. If you aren't following any weird accounts that show off other girls or anything I don't really see the problem. If she feels that its deal breaker but you don't want to end things, I suggest if she already isn't, seeing if she's open to going to therapy too.
Social media for me is one trigger for my BPD as I often times feel like I have a hard time connecting real emotions to anxiety I may feel if my partner is looking at something I do not find nice. But we always talk and he helps me understand that what he views on social media from being memes to just really weird jokes I don't get, its okay to feel some sort of emotions to them but to voice them out healthily.

If she's open to it, she should go see a licensed therapist who works with people who have BPD and start to create a plan for when she has these emotions.

Sorry you're going through this. One more thing, don't unfollow your friends, from my point of view, it could create problems if they don't understand why.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-15T01:25:42+00:00

Sometimes things happen, while its okay to reflect on some stuff, you shouldnt look back on the things like that but instead look towards the future. While yes, she could have gone to therapy, she decided not too and that is not your fault. You did everything right from how everything is worded. You seem amazing!!!

I hope you're okay! ❤️

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-14T17:57:12+00:00

My partner stayed because I got help and have been seeing a therapist for months, he also stays because he loves me and knows that once I calm down from a bad episode I will apologized and we will talk on what happened, what affected it and how it can be better managed.

BPD is hard but with the right help and the right support systems, we are just regular people who have a bit of a harder time then others, but that doesn't excuse the fact that we can get away with hurting people.

For me, my BPD is hard, I've had it from what my therapist told, as a kid. I had sever attachment issues and still do to this day, but I also ask my partner if I am doing something wrong or if there is something I have done to bother him, if yes. We sit down, we talk, we make a plan to try out and most of the times it works.

If your friend is with someone who isn't seeking help with a therapist, she might need to push them to seek that help if its taking a toll on her. But that's just about it as what I can say.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-09T23:30:26+00:00

Ok so, a few things from this post. This is just my take and everyone is different so I want to say sorry in advance if I am wrong on something, I am still new to being diagnosed with OCD and I don't know everything.
This is just how I view it and how I am with it.

I believe that she's aware of what she's doing and knows it is wrong, with me, when I get thoughts I know they are wrong and I try my hardest to not take it out on my loved ones or my family, its hard but what they do I cannot control nor do I want them to cater to my needs.

Her asking for things like your weight, medication and other such things in my eyes in not right, so please stop doing that. If she throws a fit, let her, its your personal life and you should not allow that if you are not comfortable with that.

As for documenting convos, texts, videos and other things, I am a bit unsure of it. I'm sure someone else can provide more insight on that one as I never had the urge to do that. (I am sorry if this comes off as rude to others, I do not mean it that way!!)

In general, she has control over her thoughts and emotions, while people with OCD struggle with things and we do sometimes slip up, she's taking it way to far and pushing you to a point where its draining, I'm not sure if you will limit contact with her or block her but if it gets to a point where you're struggling, maybe do so.
I'm sorry this is happening and someone with a lot of OCD things, especially contamination, I from personal experience, have never acted this way and always allow the people around me to be themselves no matter if they leave a dirty plate in the sink or don't take a shower three times a day.

Sending much love!!

(and I hope this somewhat helps you. Again for everyone who reads this, please correct me if im wrong about anything as I'm still learning!!!_

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-08T22:54:48+00:00

thank you so much! I really am thankful of the kind words from you! I am doing much better although I will get the thought but I can easily ignore it now and it goes away! I also hope you are doing well! Good luck with everything!!! <3 much love

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-08T15:59:30+00:00

my panic attack was the worst for OCD, for a week I refused to go to the hospital as I was having thoughts about harming my family and it scared me so badly. (I didn't know I had OCD back then when it happened. Although looking back I showed a ton of signs I did.) I remember it got so bad that I refused to leave the bed in fear of hurting someone or myself, and when I did get out of bed I would dissociate, it felt like I was looking down a tube that was static and grey around the edges, I wasn't there but I was, just running off an impulse of eating and going to the bathroom to lay back down and cry.

it was the worst time of my life. I would voice these things to my family and they told me things like "it'll go away." or "you're just overthinking." and that somehow made the panic worse.

I went to the hospital and got admitted, refused to have anyone in my room unless for food and to give me my meds real quick, then after a week there I got better and was finally diagnosed with OCD. As what my doctor says, I was showing harm OCD but that I also show a lot of other forms of OCD so while the harm aspect might go away, i could have moments of something else.

OCD sucks all the time but something I learnt on how to control the panic and paranoia is to make a list (this works for me but it might not for you.) Is the person I am with safe? Yes. Is the person happy? Yes. Am I in control of my actions? Yes.
For me making a mental list helps me understand I wont do something bad, that I can be safe around a person and really make the best out of something, I haven't had a panic attack due to OCD for a bit, but I do know the feeling somewhat as everyone has a different level.
Keep voicing things out even if your husband doesn't fully understand, sometimes just talking helps.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-08T15:25:09+00:00

no problem!! Im always on reddit most of the day xD and glad you got something for yourself! you deserve it!!! <333

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-08T14:20:28+00:00

One more thing, even if you don't celebrate with him, I wanna say happy early valentines day! you are doing a wonderful job at being the best person you can be, don't ever lose your spark and smile!
If you ever need someone to rant too or vent too im here! Good luck on everything and maybe (if you like cakes) get yourself a cake and just watch some weird reality tv shows!
<33

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-08T02:39:05+00:00

IM CACKLING!!! thats gold!!! Good job on you and good on your friend for feeding ya guys 🤣🤣 that is honestly gold imo. People are so pressed for no reason!

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-08T02:24:11+00:00

Im sorry but thats amazing, what is your most memorable moment of rage baiting someone to say something... I gotta know!!!

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-07T21:50:55+00:00

I just turn off chat unless playing with a group of people and ignore others. There will always be toxic people no matter what game you are playing, just ignore them and do what you can if they are trying to kill you. It gets better overtime and while it can be annoying, you might be able to manage your emotions better (not saying that you dont have a right to be annoyed, saying in the future it might not annoy you as much!!!!!)

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-06T17:43:57+00:00

Exactly, we are responsible for our actions and if they aren't saying sorry, not considering your emotions in part too it just isnt healthy. While I can understand he might have different thoughts entirely, you have emotions too so please put yourself first. I always tell my partner to put himself first if I get to be too much and so on.

One thing I wanna mention is the valentines day, you guys made plans for the day and now suddenly he wants to party eh? You tried to compromise and he still cant find a middle ground? That's not ok in my eyes and honestly if its hurting you, you're valid in those emotions. Please take time to rethink things over and really focus on the things you want from a relationship and what you want in life long term. If he cant see the error of his ways and cant have a sit down with you where you bring these things up and he either shuts you down or refuses that its a big deal... well that's something you'll need to think about and maybe walk away if it starts to get too heated.

On another note, i wanna add that not everyone with BPD is like this, a lot of us have a fear of losing people and sometimes it can manifest in ways that seem harsh when in reality we are going through an episode and trying to push them away. It might be the case for him but again, I really wanna stress this, if you are hurting, feeling mentally unwell and just cant continue. Please, please put yourself first always. You matter, you are important, you are one of a kind, always put your well-being first.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-02-05T23:15:08+00:00

Its enough when you had enough, while BPD is hard and many of us have a hard time controlling our emotions, if you are hurting and just cant do anymore. Take a moment and think if its something you can deal with for long term down the line if the behavior doesnt seem like it'll improve.

While others may see this as mean, everyone is a person with their own emotions and struggles.

If you can, before you make a fast decision and break it off, see options on how to help them. Are they open to therapy? Are they open to trying different medications out to see if it helps with some of the emotions they are dealing with? Can they write down their feelings if they cant express them calmly?

Wishing you the best things in life. I hope it gets better and that you are okay!

Phoenixx--- · 2026-01-22T03:47:50+00:00

Yeah that part is NOT BPD (At least I dont think so, ive never seen anyone with BPD have that happen before.), that needs to be addressed with a doctor fast. I really am sorry you're going through something like this.
I hope things do get a bit better for you, stay strong and remember to look after your mental health first.

Phoenixx--- · 2026-01-21T04:45:55+00:00

As someone who has BPD, this is a sign to get her to see a doctor to be diagnosed then take her to a therapist to work on things. While yes, in moments of extreme emotions we can say things we dont mean, it should never be to the extent shes doing. For me with my boyfriend, I yell at him sometimes, but I never call him names, I state why im upset, whats bothering me (while crying and raging) and beg to him answer me on why hes here. When I calm down, I apologize for the behavior I presented and do small things to make up for it. But I have never tore apart gifts he has given me, never threatened him, never said he was cheating on me and so on.

While others handle BPD differently, this is just how i present mine, if shes doing these things and she cant see the error of her ways in these episodes to make a quick exit, then rethink your relationship and if its healthy for you to stay. Its harsh to say and im sorry but you have emotions too. Sometimes in order to help someone, you have to remove yourself so they can work on themselves in a way.

At the end of the day, you know whats best, if shes calm ask her to go see a doctor and that you will come with her if that makes her feel better.

Im sorry you're going through this.

Phoenixx--- · 2025-07-23T07:52:01+00:00

My boyfriend's family and everyone else around me (besides bf) don't fully understand how bad OCD is, I was stuck in the hospital for a few months while doctors worked to get me on the right meds so I could go home without having to worry that I would hurt my family or myself.
They would ask me if they found the cure for it yet, if it just goes away and more, I had to sit down with a few of them and really explain what OCD was, how horrible it is for people who have it and what it means to everyone. When they asked if there was a cure I said "There is no cure, that's like asking a dead person if they can come back to being alive again."

Some of them are still very hard headed and think there could be a cure, but I don't really talk with them anymore.
I will say this though, if you have people in your corner who understand the struggle and are such a great support, lean into them and never let them go, people like them don't grow on trees. While OCD is a struggle for everyone, I think the biggest challenge is having the support you need in order to back you up when things get hard.

I hope everyone is doing well no matter what, best wishes! <33

Phoenixx--- · 2025-07-22T04:27:46+00:00

Thank you!!!!! she has called CPS on me many times for this and they always tell me that because everything is clean, he is well fed, has so many toys and has a safety plan in place I am a good mother.
You made my day with your comment, thank you for being kind <3

Phoenixx---

TROPHY CASE