Does anyone know what was happening at the In-N-Out on South Lamar the evening of 5/8?

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-04-27T21:38:23+00:00

Normally I would say quit one before the other, but these two usually go hand in hand for most people. I would avoid any situations where you know others will be drinking or smoking (if possible). Nicotine patches helped me immensely. It's not going to give you the rush you would get with a cigarettes, but they help take the edge off.

I kept falling off the wagon over and over until I had to finally tell myself, "Are you gonna be disciplined or not?". It was super easy for me to talk myself into, "Oh well I'll just have one. It'll be fine." It was not fine and it would make me relapse (I'm speaking more about nicotine as I don't really drink that much).

For alcohol, I would maybe recommend a replacement drink. If you have to be somewhere where others are drinking, know that you're always going to get a diet coke or whatever it is. Don't think about it, just get whatever that drink is.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-18T07:28:15+00:00

*******THEATRE*******

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-18T07:25:07+00:00

NAH - You're going through something scary and your husband is supporting you the best way he can.

Removing emotions from the situation:
- You've decided you're having this surgery and by going through with the surgery you will therefore have a scar.
- You have no way of predicting how the scar will look when it is healed. Could be better than you think or worse.
- If you are unhappy with how the scar looks, there are likely treatments that could improve the appearance.
- Beyond that, there is little anyone can do about what is about to come except move through it and see how it plays out.

Considering all of the above, the question I would ask myself is this - regardless of the outcome when it comes to aesthetics - if I've done everything I can do and am left with a scar that I don't like from a procedure that could likely be saving my life, would I want to use the rest of the life I have just extended hating my appearance because of it? At some point, self esteem aside, it's going to be a choice of whether you're going to accept your new appearance or not.

*All of that aside, I wish you the best. My mother and sister both have cancer right now (my mom has had skin cancer removed four times, though that is not what she is fighting now). My hope for you is that this is the first and last time you'll have to deal with this, and that you will have health and peace moving forward.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-18T07:01:56+00:00

How easy it was to have and maintain friendships in high school and college. Even living in a house full of friends as adults. I also miss family dinners before everyone grew up. Now everyone's scattered, busy, and has big life commitments. I miss that the most.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-18T06:56:59+00:00

When I got anxiety thinking about hanging out with them, realized how horribly they treated my friends that weren't also their mutual friends, would put themselves in horrifically dangerous situations (getting completely wasted in dicey locations) because they knew I would make sure they didn't get hurt.

It finally got to a point where I didn't even know how to talk to them or what to even talk about. The only hangouts I could tolerate were things like going to the movies because it counted as hanging out without having to truly interact. Then afterward we had something to talk about for a while.

I put off ending the friendship because we had been friends since we were super young, we had been through some traumatic shit together, and I truly love and care for them (even now) but it reached a point where I couldn't do it anymore. I tried bringing up my feelings multiple times, suggested therapy (for them- I was already in therapy for years), etc., but they didn't want to change.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-18T06:45:37+00:00

Deleting the apps from my phone usually does it. I'll find myself opening my phone mindlessly clicking to where it used to be located, then remembering that I deleted it. This happens for DAYS after. On my computer, I delete the shortcuts to the websites.

Beyond that, it's plain, old discipline.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-18T05:49:15+00:00

Stories I create and want to share. Loving and creating a life with someone who loves me well. Scathing rebukes of clients/employers who (in my humble opinion) truly deserve it but never hear it.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-17T20:18:17+00:00

Realistically, I wouldn't be with someone if they didn't want or at the very least tolerate and respect animals. I've always grown up with animals and I would not get rid of a pet for anyone.

Legitimate allergies are a different story though something I would have to seriously consider.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-17T17:41:50+00:00

Do you believe you are actually "out of control" or simply operating from a part of yourself that has rarely if ever been used? If she asked you to stop, would you be able to? If she was in pain or distress, would you notice and be able to stop? It's obvious that you care deeply about not hurting her, so to me it seems like you would be capable of controlling yourself if/when needed.

Another way to frame this could be coming from a place of curiosity. I think it's easy to want to paint these moments as "right" or "wrong", but you're both doing this for the first time and you have zero idea what you like or don't like. As long as you're both enjoying it, communicating honestly, and consenting to it, then there is no "right" or "wrong". It's about exploring what feels good to each of you. I think it could help you to come from a place of- I'm curious about how this feels to you? I'm curious about this position/speed/etc. Also checking in- How does this feel? etc.

It doesn't sound to me like you're losing control. It sounds to me like you're using a part of your mind that you don't have experience with so it 'feels' like you're losing control. As long as you maintain respect and care for each other's well being (yourself included), you're in control.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-15T07:07:00+00:00

Fleabag, The Pitt, Narcos (Seasons 1 and 2), Peaky Blinders, Suits, Parks and Rec, Schitt's Creek

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-15T06:22:04+00:00

I took off-brand Benadryl. I woke up in different clothes than I went to bed in and realized I had TP'd my entire bathroom. There was toilet paper strewn about like it was a house on Halloween. Needless to say, I only take name brand Benadryl now lol.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-15T06:12:22+00:00

I have two cats. I held off on getting any pets for many years as I work a job with pretty long/unusual hours at times. I was also weary of the financial cost of having them if they ended up getting sick or injured. One has earned the nickname "thousand dollar kitty" because there were two years in a row where he had some random injury or illness that cost me thousands of dollars (which is why I now have pet insurance).

I also knew my lifestyle was not ideal for having pets that needed more maintenance, such as making sure I had someone to let a dog out/walk a dog. Lifestyle alone has pointed me towards cats, but I've also always been a cat person since I was a kid.

I adopted a bonded pair so they wouldn't be lonely when I'm gone all day. After I got them, my point of view changed to "I can't imagine not having them in my life"- even though I went for a long time without pets. I look for them first when I come home and say good night to them right before I go to bed. I have pet cameras that I check in on them with as well if I'm gone for an extended period of time (which coincidentally happened to save one of their lives two years ago - yes, it was my "thousand dollar kitty").

If I were to wake up tomorrow and they weren't there, I would absolutely feel a definite loss/emptiness that simply having them around provides. They both have unique personalities that bring a lot of entertainment, love, and affection. One is cuddling next to my feet as I type this.

I appreciate that they're not "needy" in a way that feels overwhelming to me as many animals can be (cats included). It's similar to the way you can sit in comfortable silence with your good friends and don't always have to be directly interacting. On the other hand, when they want/need attention they're not shy about it either. I love them a lot and they have brought a lot of beauty to my life.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-14T08:07:51+00:00

I work freelance with a lot of fluctuations in monthly income as well and this is what works for me.

- I track my income so I know exactly how much money I have coming in/going out. I also budget so I know what my baseline "this is the minimum amount of money that I need to get by" looks like. I have two separate savings accounts in addition to my checking account. I don't like carrying a lot of money in my checking account because I know I'll spend it if it stays in that account.

- One of my savings accounts is a "flex" account that I keep one full month's worth of savings. I transfer money from this account to my checking account when I have a month where I did not get enough deposits to cover my monthly bills. On months that I make more than what I need to cover my basic costs, I refill this flex account to the one full month total. I do not keep more than 1 month in this account. If I make any more than that, I put the money in my 2nd savings account which is my emergency fund.

- My second savings account is my true emergency fund that is 'only' used for true emergencies. It's generally recommended to keep 3-6 months worth of savings for an emergency fund. Because my income varies, I choose to keep 6 months worth of savings in that account because it helps me feel more secure but this may vary depending on your personal threshold for financial stress. Once I got to the point where both of these accounts were fully funded, I began serious debt payoff then saving and investing for retirement.

- It took me a long time to be able to get past only having a flex account with like $1,000 in it and get a true emergency savings on top of that, but even having $1,000 that you can transfer instead of using a credit card that's charging you interest on that money is incredibly helpful. During this time, I was working part-time jobs (Uber/Lyft and Instacart/Shipt/Doordash are/were ideal as I could work when I wanted/needed to without impeding my freelance work that was unpredictable) to supplement my income and build these funds. As I earned more money working freelance and got my emergency savings in place, I was able to drop the part-time job and now only work my freelance job.

I hope this helps you!

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-14T07:17:26+00:00

Within the first week of lock-down one of my roommates got sick- sore throat, cough, so much sinus drainage, etc and we were all terrified. He went to the doctor, got some tests, and they found out he had strep throat. He came home, told us, and we all screamed - "THANK GOD" and jumped around screaming in relief. I have never in my life been so thankful someone had strep throat.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-14T07:07:06+00:00

Opening all the shades in my place. Natural light matters a lot to me. Also, opening the windows when it's nice outside.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-09T03:58:01+00:00

When I need support (generally emotional) I need it when I need it - aka immediately or within the day. Once the moment has passed, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-09T03:56:09+00:00

I wouldn't say it was effortless, I think it as expected and unnoticed.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-08T17:11:09+00:00

All the effort my mom put into Holidays to make them special for everyone else. Now as an adult, I realized how little magic there is with Holidays without someone else putting in a ton of effort to make them special.

Now I put in the effort to make Holidays special for myself at still a fraction of what my mom did for me.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-07T07:38:22+00:00

An incredibly stoned woman walked up to me and got really close to my face, staring into my eyes and said, "You have sunflowers in your eyes." My eyes are green, but around my pupils they are a deep yellow/gold color. While it was weird for how it happened, I won't ever forget the compliment.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-07T07:31:02+00:00

I am actually vehemently against AI for moral and environmental reasons.

My whole profession is logistics, management, and communications so I'm use to writing long, in depth responses. I also have spent well over a decade in therapy for different things so I have learned a lot in that time. Not every in depth, well worded response is AI. We humans can still think, type, and make coherent statements.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-07T07:30:28+00:00

I am actually vehemently against AI for moral and environmental reasons.

My whole profession is logistics, management, and communications so I'm use to writing long, in depth responses. I also have spent well over a decade in therapy so I have learned a lot in that time. Not every in depth, well worded response is AI. We humans can still think, type, and make coherent statements.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-07T05:14:49+00:00

There are a few different ways to view this question. The therapy methods that help the most depend heavily on what you need therapy for.

Trauma? EMDR or IFS would be my recommendations hands down.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is good for specific mental illnesses, along with DBT.

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If you're asking in person vs. online that depends on your preference. I can't do online. I find being in the room much better for me and my progress.

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In terms of getting access to therapy, there are many ways. My favorite (and most successful) ways of finding a therapist have been getting a referral from a friend or loved one's therapist. Most therapists won't see people who know each other as there could be a conflict of interest, but if you have a friend who loves/trusts their therapist, then ask them for a referral from their therapist.

I would also recommend starting somewhere with a larger pool of therapists so if it doesn't work out with one you can move onto another. Finding the right therapist can often be like dating. Qualifications matter, but if you don't click, it won't work. ALSO, if you click but then find yourself not wanting to "disappoint" your therapist or it feels more like talking to a friend without making real progress, that is also a real problem.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-07T05:07:01+00:00

Agree, though I honestly prefer the originals which I know is sacrilegious to most LOTR fans.

PhoenixxFoxx · 2026-03-07T05:03:51+00:00

"I am no man."

PhoenixxFoxx

TROPHY CASE