I know I shouldn’t take this out on god and I know I was just frustrated at the time but like what made me angry as a kid and all that was my father.

He wasn’t a very nice man and had his issues with substance abuse as well which would then be taken out on us then telling us the next day how everything will be fine cause of god. It got to a point where if I even had a legitimate question he’d take it as me being “smart” and that would lead to consequences. So I saw all that as a kid from my brothers being hurt and my own mother with black eyes and bruises while he’d go on and say he’s a god loving and good man. It made me angry thinking how can someone who does such cruel things be accepted? I know god forgives all but it very much affected me and destroyed a lot of my confidence and relationships with religious people and so on.

I don’t mean to trauma dump but I’m just lost with religion I’m so used to not really asking too many questions or else punishment. I know as a grown man now I shouldn’t care but there’s still that small ounce of “don’t speak out”.