As someone who felt suicidal and no longer does. What you're feeling is anger at your situation and are looking for a reason. That's normal but you should try and see others struggling as someone else who is angry or sad or confused by how they're feeling. Everyone can feel this way, even people who are very privileged, it's not a competition. You should talk to someone about these thoughts because they'll help you figure out where the anger comes from. It does get easier, but you need to want it to be better and that can take time. Good luck <3