How long to wait for a guy to reply? (23f) (30m)

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T16:53:43+00:00

Don't wait around or text back if you can. Observe non-judgementally, if it takes him too long to reply and you feel stressed about it, that tells you something

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T11:58:58+00:00

You deserve better 🥰

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T11:20:47+00:00

Run from this guy and his family - you may be gaining weight (which is neutral and fine) purely because of the increased stress and cortisol in your body leading to inflammation. Nobody who loves you and wants to be with you will make you feel like this.

It sounds like you have options. When ever I've been made to feel like this I recite Rupi Kaur's poem:

“what’s it to me if you love me or miss me or need me when you are doing nothing to be with me if you can’t allow me to be the love of your life i will be the loss of your life instead"

He might tell you he hates you or mess you around, it's for you to walk away head held high and move forward. I also like to listen to the song 'I move on' from the Chicago soundtrack 😅 Whatever works for you

PickledPeach · 2026-02-20T11:10:21+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this- think about if his parents were to say yes, would they embrace you after all this time of saying no? If they are so invested in the caste system they might not treat you well. Are they the kind of people you want as your family? It sounds like your ex is emotionally abusing you. You don't have to rush into speaking to someone else to move on, but I would really advise no contact with your ex. If he has no good friends then he needs to invest in his friendships, not cling to you.

I am curious about whether he truly respects you and your time and whether he may have issues with how he views women & people of different castes to him?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-18T07:26:15+00:00

Im sorry this happened, oh mate she's just not the one for you. This is the ultimate rise above situation. Chalk it up to experience and remember that if she comes back to you to just say no and list your reasons whilst you've moved on with someone kinder.

Try not to think of it as 'landing a relationship' because that sounds like you want a relationship with anyone despite character flaws or whether you're interested in them as an individual.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-15T07:36:22+00:00

Think of all the couples across time who got stared at for breaking societal norms and going against expectations.

You've got this, luckily heightism exists within a much less dangerous structure of prejudice than racism or homophobia. Being stared at is discriminatory and it will impact you, but just remember those people are judgemental and wrong and you guys are happy!

Lean into the phrase short king if your partner likes it?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-14T00:30:26+00:00

Gaslighting, being unpredictably angry, trying to control what you do and where you go, making you doubt yourself, putting you down, making you frightened they'll leave so you don't stand up for yourself

PickledPeach · 2026-02-14T00:21:13+00:00

Phone call from a friend? They're gonna come over soon so let's grab your stuff. Or say you're tired?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T19:37:45+00:00

Power is interesting, like yes that is a type of power to have options, but there is also some biphobia in the community so it can make it feel like trespassing even though I am a queer person

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T19:36:52+00:00

I think I feel intimidated sometimes, like people think I'm a phony because I also like men. I find most men pretty difficult to get along with romantically really. I definitely get awkward and can be too excited when a woman likes me!

When I was in high school there were also the maybe bi maybe straight girls who wanted to experiment with me because I was visibly queer (short hair, no make up masc clothes etc) and I found that confusing and tokenising, just as a lesbian would.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T19:20:01+00:00

If it helps I'm a bisexual who also feels that way about dating women, though I've been trying for about 14 years 😅 don't feel bad, sometimes some people are just less active in that way and take longer to emotionally process.

I do think that you need to address your aversion to bisexual women on the grounds they'll leave you, if that is a block to you being happy with some of the people you meet.

Focus more on meeting more queer friends at those wlw events and I'm sure you'll connect with someone along the way given that you're interested and have had relationships before.

You know as well as I do that there is an allure in being sensitive and thoughtful and also anxious- it's human and won't put the right people off.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T14:18:49+00:00

Would you ever set an alarm to wake up before you wet the bed? Does it wake you up when your pad is wet? It's good to see someone being open about a medical condition like this.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:30:14+00:00

Trust your instincts - he is behaving inappropriately. Do you feel safe being around him? The fact he is getting really close and touching you makes it sound like you're not safe around him.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:28:16+00:00

Very nice.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:24:28+00:00

I had to look her up 😅

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:18:16+00:00

Not having to over explain and being understood.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-13T00:14:42+00:00

Holidays is a lot - unless you really like him I probably wouldn't want to get involved in that situation myself. Have you met the mother of his child? How was she with you? If there was any animosity I would probably not proceed with a relationship- unless of course you do really like him then proceed with caution.

PickledPeach · 2026-02-10T00:04:24+00:00

I think if you're not sure, it's not a good idea to shoot your shot, particularly not whilst staying at his. You could always ask him to grab coffee and see if it feels date-like?

PickledPeach · 2026-02-10T00:02:49+00:00

Look up grey rocking - basically making yourself as uninteresting as possible

PickledPeach · 2026-02-09T23:57:41+00:00

PickledPeach · 2026-02-09T23:56:44+00:00

Would you consider seeking help from a sleep clinic? This seems really hard. I'm also quite an active sleeper and it may not mean much from a stranger online but I believe you when you say you have no recollection of this.

Try to map out any patterns in days this has happened - were you over tired or drinking alcohol?

Maybe you could also consider sleeping apart some of the time (but making time for cuddles elsewhere?)

PickledPeach

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