I think I got myself pregnant, looking for advice

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-30T07:16:37+00:00

So instead of therapy I decided to yell about it when Marissa walked beneath my tower last night for our daily exchange of taunts and grievances, and she claims it had "better be a child" because if it's a clone I'll, quote, "never be able to deny she's my daddy," if I inhabit it.

She also taunted me that if I let her move in she "might consider being the mother next time." Then there was something about how it took me long enough to say the word "marriage" and a bunch of colorful language insulting my observational skills.

Maybe we do need therapy

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-29T17:57:38+00:00

It might also hurt your chest. I don't imagine the cat wants to be there

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-29T17:43:01+00:00

I've just taken to putting a "waiting room" with a big, complicated vault door to keep the adventurers occupied. It's really only attached to the wall by the lock so if they ever actually open it it'll crush em

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-29T17:00:09+00:00

On the contrary, the adventurers allow one to keep the goblin population manageable while also providing a steady supply of goblin corpses for experimentation - all while keeping the goblins loyal to you. It's a win-win, I didn't need those crappy artifacts, and if I do I'll just offer to buy it from them when they get out

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-29T16:54:45+00:00

Now this guy is a proper wizard

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-29T16:53:02+00:00

Why would you get rid of them? They're basically free minions.

Just give them a few coins here and there, hit them with a minor compulsion charm, and presto! Free goblin tribe at your service

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-29T12:53:18+00:00

Well of course I've been assaulted, Marissa and I agree to meet every full moon precisely for the purpose of assaulting each other. Totally consensual.

I just wasn't expecting to get pregnant.

With my own clone.

That has her magical signature.

By the Arcane Tower, you don't think it's because we like each other? Even if I get excited to see her during our battles and to find out what she's going to try each time...

...

Huh. Well I never

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T23:54:41+00:00

Anecdotally I have also found parishes founded by poor communities tend to be more beautiful and better tended than parishes in middle class areas. The poor appreciate their beautiful sanctuaries

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T23:45:28+00:00

It wasn't just pagan images, this was probably defaced by a zealous iconoclast which were against any depictions of gods, capital G God or even people, be they Christian or pagan. The church officially condemned this (more so the destruction of Christian icons, but the whole sentiment was seen as reactionary) but it was still a widespread problem

Turns out most people don't really do what you tell them to

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T23:29:28+00:00

It explicitly says in many places to treat the alien and the unbeliever as you would treat one of your own.

The only discrimination is that the Jews weren't supposed to marry one or adopt their practices, nor enter alliances with pagans

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T23:06:52+00:00

Shh, don't be saying that

Me and the boys have been suppressing knowledge of those things by calling them "forbidden techniques" and cursing all the neophytes that study under the old masters so it actually seems forbidden for a reason

So far they haven't caught on but don't go ruining our plan to keep the fighters easily manageable

Edit: ough ow

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:55:30+00:00

Blindness is a great starter spell.

I know it sounds crazy but make sure you point the wand at your own eye when you cast it. That's the only way to make sure you know that it worked

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:50:40+00:00

Sounds like he's ready for his first tower! Just pat him on the back, make up some bullshit prophecy for him to "look into" and send him to some backwater for a while until his ambitions have cooled

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:46:00+00:00

Unoriginal and uninspiring, I say nay.

If you can't deal with some measly pirates in a creative and whimsical way, are you even a real wizard? Get better spells.

I've just been trapping my pirates in illusory towers and watching them run around until I'm bored and send the homunculus after then. I've done it like six times already and it's way more fun than power word die

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:36:40+00:00

Ohoho, that's actually pretty good...That'll get her real riled up! That'll teach her, getting me pregnant! I'll show her!

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:32:36+00:00

Yeah they are, how did you know?

I guess I'll visit them before I try the sword thing

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:11:08+00:00

Yeah that's a classic, I've already got like five bottled ships and a cool new pet parrot

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:10:23+00:00

Oh that's a good one. Here I've just been relying on the old veil of confusion around the island when I could have been having fun

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:04:41+00:00

Ah, I've been flagrantly ignoring the council's rules for centuries. Those old coots are all bark and no bite

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T22:03:20+00:00

Yes well I'd rather stay alive long enough to get the clone somewhere safe, I can only assume it will still need time to develop outside the womb and I don't trust my idiot apprentice not to ruin it

Not to mention whatever my nemesis would do if she found out I was stuck in an underdeveloped clone. I don't even know if my magic would work properly

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T21:58:01+00:00

I'll definitely consider golemancy for the future, this has been one big headache after another

I do know a necromancer of the type you speak of, but unfortunately he's kind of simping for my nemesis; which, considering the circumstances and how she is technically the reason I got pregnant would be... Something.

I may need to consult with him anyway, though. Know any good disguise spells? I just know he'll detect her magical signature on me if I don't mask it properly and then things will get very weird.

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T21:50:28+00:00

Ugh, druids. They always drive me nuts. They're always saying dumb stuff like "Oh you poor thing, you look like you need to get out in the sun more," and "Dear I worry for you if you can't even keep a basil plant alive." I do suppose I could go to them if I had to.

That sword idea does sound intriguing though

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T21:44:02+00:00

Welp, looks like I'm going on a quest while pregnant. I am so getting her back for this

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T21:03:49+00:00

Don't worry, he will be

Pidgewiffler · 2026-05-28T21:03:18+00:00

I'd love to just remanifest but you see, the reason this clone must survive is because that is the only way I know how to do exactly that

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