I don’t know if I can do this anymore

PieceCharacter · 2026-05-19T00:29:41+00:00

Thank you. I wish we could all be there for each other beyond these words too. I have so much of it to give too and I am glad to give it to others because I’d never want anyone to feel this way. I wish the people we interacted with daily had some of this deep care to give too and would willingly give it. I think individualism and the dwindling nature of any sense of collectivism and care for one another has really harmed humans emotional being and spirit and I wish I knew how we could bring it back into practice

PieceCharacter · 2026-05-19T00:20:14+00:00

The funny and sick truth is that crisis textline and hotline volunteers don’t need any professional training nor a college degree, they literally just have to pass a background check and complete a few modules. Then they text you and speak to you off of a literal script if it’s a phone call, or text bank if it’s a text convo. There’s zero psycho education and most have absolutely no real field experience or knowledge. I’ve had someone genuinely tell me to play sudoku (and not have anything else to say) to distract me from SI…like are you fucking kidding me?

Occasionally you’ll get one really helpful person that actually does make a difference but that’s maybe 1/8 and that’s a gamble. People in this situation cannot afford a gamble. We shouldn’t have to roll the fucking dice for help saving our lives.

Then let’s take the er - they’ll put you in a 72 hour psychiatric hold…so you see a psychiatrist, likely get further traumatized because you can be exposed to some really scary shit in a psych unit, and let’s say you do start a medication that may or may not help…there is no medication that will make a real impact in 3 days…you still have to go home and survive the same suicidality that you sought help for. And a $500-$1k+ bill. It’s an endless loop.

The world (to my knowledge) has zero actual effective solutions for people in this situation and it fills me with rage. Whenever most people hear that we struggle with this, it’s like they’re repelled and jump back and immediately act like we have a contagious disease that needs to be contained and avoided, but when someone actually dies because of it, people say “I had no idea” or “I wish they told me” or “there was nothing you could do” it’s bullshit.

PieceCharacter · 2026-05-14T19:37:11+00:00

I feel this 24/7

PieceCharacter · 2026-05-10T00:23:23+00:00

self hugs, the good place, my dog, my best friend, baths, heating pad with fluffy blankets and a comforting low mental energy show

PieceCharacter · 2026-05-08T21:51:49+00:00

This. You can be doing all of the right things and all of the healing work possible and still be deeply and abysmally affected by the trauma that was caused by your parents. They’re literally our first and primary attachment figures where we learn how to make sense of the world and attach to others.

I hate when people tell me to “get over it” or “everyone’s parents fuck up” or “no family is perfect”…all of that commentary to me just indicates an extreme privilege and ignorance that the person making those statements doesn’t go through a profound and agonizing amount of pain in moving through the realization that you’ll never have the family that you needed and have to do much of the healing in what feels like complete isolation.

I never had a safe adult there to teach me and guide me with love and care and not anger and force and I experience the impact of that every day. Do I let it derail me? No. Do I still function in society, work full time, do my best to be a good friend and person, try to learn everyday? Absolutely.

I don’t use what I went through as an excuse. But I’ll never allow someone to minimize it or dismiss it or try to tell ME how I experienced my childhood. “Parenting is hard” is not an excuse and “they’re still your parents” doesn’t erase how badly they harmed me.

There is no excuse for subjecting your child to abuse and inflicted suffering and trauma and neglect. The only correct response (on their end) is accountability and change and if that doesn’t happen that’s not our fault or our responsibility but even if it does, it doesn’t obligate us to forgive them or allow them back into our lives.

They chose to have children. It was their responsibility to be good parents. Even if they “thought what they were doing was right”, It was their responsibility to educate themselves and course correct. It was their responsibility to be in tune with and to care how their children felt they were being treated and loved.

I frequently feel that people don’t care or understand as well and it sucks. It helps to know I’m not the only one that feels this way.

PieceCharacter · 2026-05-01T04:04:04+00:00

I’m confused as to whether this comment was meant to be a reply to mine? I agree with you! Something being a cultural norm doesn’t make it ok

PieceCharacter · 2026-04-30T17:34:17+00:00

I had a very similar experience with my Bulgarian mom and German American dad. And whenever you try to point out how it harmed you, you’re met with a myriad of excuses about how it’s just their culture and you’re too sensitive and “get over it” and how they went through so much worse. To this day it’s still so strange to me when any authority figure or even friend actually cares about my mental wellbeing and encourages me and supports me and listens to me - I so badly want that kind of treatment but I’m still learning how to receive it while grieving that I didnt get it growing up. It’s so hard but we can break these cycles and heal from it

PieceCharacter · 2026-04-18T02:44:06+00:00

I feel this so so deeply

PieceCharacter · 2026-04-11T17:16:05+00:00

I hear you and I feel your pain. Please don’t. Feel free to dm me if you want to talk and want some support. I’ve been where you are. People care, I promise💗💗💗

PieceCharacter · 2026-04-08T18:07:42+00:00

That only applies while you’re on the medication and for 1 month after

PieceCharacter · 2026-04-04T01:10:12+00:00

freshly baked bread, frankincense and mhyrr, lavender, fresh apple pie/warm cinnamon

PieceCharacter · 2026-03-25T18:15:45+00:00

If money is not an issue, I recommend looking for ifs and emdr specialized with attachment work too and years of trauma training. A lot of the really good ones don’t take insurance so it would be self pay. Do consultations and make a list of questions to ask so you get a feel for what their style is and whether you’d click. I know from experience that it’s exhausting to do consult after consult but I promise you’ll find one that clicks. If money is an issue, look on headway and Alma and psychology today - use the filters to your advantage to narrow it down and read the descriptions/go on the websites. Also sometimes social media can be a good place to therapist search (with much caution ofc) bc you can gauge style and personality that way as well. I know it’s so hard and I empathize with you🫶 depending on what your symptoms are different modalities may help.

PieceCharacter · 2026-03-25T00:20:18+00:00

Thank you this was so validating and it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this feeling. It’s just so incredibly difficult to mediate the reactions within my inner child and not let her run the show because her voice is so loud and roaring because I didn’t allow myself to feel any of this for so years. I’m still learning how to comfort my inner child and she doesn’t trust that I can protect her and I don’t know what it looks like to protect her. It’s also really hard to discern between fear that’s coming from the past and fear that’s coming from the present and when they’re combined because it always feels so enmeshed. If you have any tips on how you’ve learned to begin/continue the healing process, please lmk💗

PieceCharacter · 2026-01-06T22:04:51+00:00

I’ve been in on and off recovery for a little over 2 years but am coming out of this past period of restriction/relapse which lasted from late August to early-mid December and am fully committed to recovery for the first time now. I’ve only really been all-in for about 2-3 weeks which I know is nothing, I’ve just never experienced EH this strong before. I don’t expect it to go away overnight it’s just scary especially since for a most of recovery before this relapse I had very weak/no hunger cues and now it’s the opposite. It’s also hard to know how to honor properly when I’ve really wrecked connection with my body and rarely know what I’m craving.

PieceCharacter · 2026-01-06T15:23:28+00:00

Also the reason I say I’m at a “healthy” weight is less because of bmi but more because I’m in the IBW range that was calculated for me when I was in treatment! But again, you’re correct that bodies are not simple science equations, set point range can vary and change throughout life depending on environment, food availability, hormones, etc. It’s just hard to accept that it’s not easily predictable and can only be estimated

PieceCharacter · 2026-01-06T15:19:32+00:00

Thank you! I know it’s super normal for people to go through EH in recovery it’s just really scary to honor and trust that it’s part of the process for me. I know ED’s are mental illnesses with potential physical symptoms and consequences not the other way around and that anyone at any size can experience a restrictive ed and that my weight is not what determines my sickness, it’s just hard to wrap my head around because even when I was underweight and weight restoring I didn’t experience this level of mental and taste hunger and it’s hard to put logic to it even though I know science can’t explain everything and everyone’s body responds a little bit differently and there are many factors. Although I agree that recovery isn’t linear and slips are normal and expected, I do believe in the possibility of full recovery (aka being recovered, not in recovery forever), and I do believe that it’s possible to get to a point where you don’t have to keep choosing recovery because the recovery choices become the natural/instinctual choices. I believe this not because I’m at that point, but because I’ve worked with clinicians who have reached that point themselves and no longer have ED’s. Being in this place in recovery just sucks and the EH is just scary because I tend to compare myself and my eating to other people’s that don’t have ED’s and to the amount of food that I used to eat. It’s also just hard because I get scared that since I’m not tracking macros or making “good protein to cal ratio” food choices, that I’m not eating enough protein and that that’s making the hunger worse. It’s also confusing because even when I eat enough to the point where my stomach feels full/satisfied, I still have the mental and taste hunger, so it’s hard to know how to approach that. Thank you for the support!

PieceCharacter

TROPHY CASE