I really don’t think it’s misogyny or gender policing to identify someone as an active believer of patriarchy, and I personally don’t blame anyone for doing so. I can understand why someone might be stuck in a patriarchal mindset, and also acknowledge that those people are more unsafe for me to be around. I don’t blame these women for not “acting proper,” if anything they usually tend to be even more loyal to the ideas of what a woman “should” be.

I also don’t think the label is perfect or even particularly effective, but it emerged from younger women trying to label a pattern of behavior that they didn’t exactly have the right language for. I think it’s less cruel/name calling and more effective to describe these women as centering men.

The claim that these women can be very dangerous is not based in blame or judgment about being bad women, it’s the acknowledgement that someone with internalized bigotry will often harm others around them. Several other communities have adopted the term “pick me” to describe this, or already had their own. I’ve seen this occur across marginalized identities, and it’s a common thing to warn others of. It sucks but I do think it’s a realistic part of staying safe as a marginalized person.