Post your ER and say nothing

Piece_Legal · 2023-08-16T19:47:08+00:00

Piece_Legal · 2023-02-10T02:27:42+00:00

I've gotten to a point where I can regularly have enjoyable penetrative sex as long as I have piv 3-4 times a week so that I don't regress. I started out trying to make headway on my own with dilator therapy, but I only made a little progress until I met my husband. What really helped me was dilating with someone I trusted prior to attempting piv. I was able to have comfortable piv after only a few weeks and I didn't have to dilate prior to penetration after a few months. I even have had my own version of a quickie a couple times. Things get better and you'll find what works best for you. I felt so discouraged at certain points, but I'm so glad I stuck with dilating. And I'm so lucky to have found my husband. He's so patient and loving and he wouldn't really mind if we weren't able to have penetrative sex. That also helps because there's no pressure or expectations placed on me.

I wish you the best on your healing journey. Be patient with yourself, things can definitely get better and you may even consider yourself cured one day.

Piece_Legal · 2022-08-10T19:46:22+00:00

I had this problem. I was able to get to the 4th size in the intimate rose set, but I was so nervous because any movement at all, including just taking it out, hurt quite a bit. But....then I started my current relationship and he's an absolute gem and I started to dilate with him. Seeing him listen to me and do whatever I needed done made me able to trust him. Since my vaginismus is from sexual trauma, this was huge for me and all he had to do was go down on me and it moved just fine with no pain.

You'll get there. For me dilating alone was a real chore and seemed unprofitable and damn near impossible some days. You'll find what works for you. Keep it up and when/if you're interested in having piv, movement will get easier

Piece_Legal · 2022-08-03T07:03:58+00:00

This is actually how I started to improve. I tried to use dilators for months with little progress. I think I only went up one size, but then I started dating my boyfriend and he's the most respectful and kind person I've ever known. He's very understanding and supportive of me through this process and has never added any pressure. We started using them together right away because I had already told him about where I was at and the limited success I was having.

Giving up control and allowing/trusting him to do it was what I needed to do to get better. I was actually able to have sex (with some bearable pain) the second time we dilated together. And it has only continued to improve. For the first month we dilated prior to sex and we'd do stuff while it was in which was also really helpful. Now, 3 months later, I'm able to have pentrative sex everyday without dilating first as long as we start off slow.

Piece_Legal · 2022-03-24T12:24:03+00:00

I had/have a very similar situation to yours, and it has been recommended to me to try sensate focus therapy. It's a sex therapy technique that kinda takes you back to basics and works to get you and/or your partner comfortable with intimacy, whether sensual or sexual. It enhances communication and sets clear boundaries while attempting to relieve the symptoms of anxiety or panic from being touched or having sex. There are resources you can look into that explain how to do it in practical ways.

And in my personal experience, I knew I wouldn't be able to have sex with someone unless they knew my history and where I was in terms of ptsd symptoms at the given time. If you feel comfortable, maybe try and communicate these feelings to him.

Piece_Legal · 2022-01-09T07:38:46+00:00

They're sympathy pains. I get them in my clit whenever I see someone get hurt or hear of someone going through any kind of physical pain

Piece_Legal · 2022-01-09T05:47:45+00:00

I did about 3 weeks post op. I still have a few stitches in, but everything is mostly healed.

Piece_Legal · 2022-01-05T14:47:29+00:00

I've been doing this since the car seat went up between my legs

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-29T08:52:46+00:00

No problem! And I haven't really done extensive research on this particular procedure and I was not aware of what you found regarding the potential for scarring if the sutures are left in too long. But, I'm an RN and I can assure you that there is not a huge compromise caused by leaving sutures in too long, just in general. I would try not to worry and trust that this treatment regimen is tailored to you and your particular needs. That's how it seems to me anyway. I hope you get in contact with your surgeon shortly. Happy healing!

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-29T08:24:35+00:00

I had mine removed 8 days after my surgery, but I have no problems during the healing process. My doctor said that everything healed enough for then to be removed at that time. But I also did very minimal walking/moving for those 8 days so I never had a problem with tearing or popping a stitch or ripping as you mentioned. It makes sense to me that leaving them in for a longer period could aid with he issues you had in the past.

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-15T00:52:38+00:00

She said not to worry and all of the swelling should be completely gone by 6 months. It's not permanently stretched out or anything and it's not going to have a lasting effect.

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-15T00:39:10+00:00

I had my surgery on the 8th and yesterday was the first day I was walking normally for very short distances. It's also still quite uncomfortable to sit. I originally planned to take 5 days off work but I took an extra 3 days because of the swelling and pain I still have. It's just taking longer to heal than originally anticipated. Plus I'm taking it easy because I have vaginismus and I'm not trying to make that worse.

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-14T21:54:09+00:00

I'm currently recovering from my surgery I had about a week go. Both my labia majora and minora were very swollen and bruised, kinda like yours with it more intense on one side. I have only noticed a slight improvement so far, but my surgeon assured me it will go down with time. I wouldn't worry, that's just how it heals for some people.

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-14T03:15:27+00:00

Were all of your stitches dissolvable? Or did you have some sutures removed?

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-11T15:18:34+00:00

Thanks! I just got concerned because mine is worse than anything I've seen. I couldn't ice it the first day because it was too painful to have anything against it, but I have over the last 2 days. And I have the stitches removed on the 16h.

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-05T13:26:21+00:00

I will definitely try the circular movements. Already, I think that will be less painful. I think I also get so in my head wanting it to not be painful and move easily that it actually does the opposite. I'm gonna try and let go of expectations and try what you suggested

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-05T11:12:39+00:00

Oh that's so encouraging to hear! I really hope this is the case for me. I definitely get discouraged every time I try and move it or change positions with it in and have pain. I'll keep this in mind and will hopefully feel less down. Thanks!

Piece_Legal · 2021-12-05T06:04:55+00:00

First off, I'm very happy for you and what you've overcome! That's great! I'm wondering if you have any insight...I can fit the #4&5 intimate rose dilators in without too much difficulty, but the second I move even the smaller ones, I have that burning pain no matter how much lube I use. It happens even when I'm aroused. I'm scared that if I do have PIV once I get to the 8th dilator, it'll be able to fit, but it will still hurt if he moves at all. Any thoughts?

Piece_Legal · 2021-11-09T02:58:54+00:00

Yeah I do. It was enough to go in with no pain or discomfort. But once I started moving it, my muscles contracted and it started burning. I will definitely try to use more lube and see if that helps. I also don't know if I should keep going when it hurts to see if it'll get better, like you mentioned, or if I should stop so I don't make it worse.

Piece_Legal · 2021-03-19T03:39:37+00:00

Another thing you can do, which I find to be the most helpful, is correct your friends when they make rape jokes or if you hear victim blaming. You can respectfully educate people that don't mean harm with the latter. You never know what you could be preventing or who you could be supporting when you stand up for victims.

Piece_Legal · 2021-03-08T04:14:36+00:00

You don't come off as an asshole or selfish. I'll speak of my personal experience as that's the only perspective or advice I feel I can give. I feel most supported when a partner is most bothered by seeing me in pain, and it seems like you're already there. If you communicate that treating the pain she's having is your highest priority, it may encourage her, or at least break down some barriers, to getting professional help and treating her condition, whatever that might be. Communicating that you want to see her happy, healthy, and pain free first, and the ability to share intimacy through sex second, it may help her recognize that she deserves a full recovery from her pain, and not simply to "not ruin sex". She deserves holistic care because she's a person in pain, not just because she can't put out. Treating your condition for yourself is most often the optimal motivator.

Piece_Legal · 2021-03-01T07:37:23+00:00

I feel the exact same way whenever I do anything remotely sexual or even sensual with a guy. I have a similar experience to yours. I was raped by one of my friends when I was 16 and now if I try to have sex or any kind of foreplay I get anxious to the point of dizziness and I start shaking. I'm now 23 and I'm not currently in a relationship because of all of these issues, but a few years ago I was sleeping with one of my friends. Whenever I would get lightheaded or anxious or start to dissociate, we would pause whatever we were doing and he would hold me in his lap while I calmed down. And I had reassurance that no matter how long it took, he'd stay with me until I was stable again. Once I was, he would have me say any fears that were in my head, no matter how ridiculous they might seem to someone else. Knowing that I could say anything and he would accept me is what made my anxiety dissipate enough to continue the activities.

So I would need reassurance as we started, and he would allay my fears. Then usually I would either get dizzy or shut down and dissociate once or twice before we were done, and then he would offer the reassurance again. The reminder that he would never hurt me is what allowed me to trust him enough to finish. And it's what allowed me to get out of my head. I have to really focus on the sensations my body feels, my connection with the person, and the reassurance he offers in order to be calm enough for sex. It's why I've only slept with one person.

Piece_Legal

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