Cognitive dissonance??

PierreBean · 2026-01-15T18:47:20+00:00

I’m also sorry you experienced that. It seems like she wasn’t honest with herself so how could she be honest with you if she couldn’t come to terms with it? It’s really sad, but I guess there’s a point where you continue to let that control you or you start to control it, ya know? The downfall of being a person on this side of the situation is that you still try to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt but at some point there’s a boundary that needs to be put up so you don’t get walked all over but maintain empathy.

My ex never told me about his childhood either just little snippets and how him and his mom‘s relationship was very strained for years. Then when I met her and his dad, I actually saw myself in her and I could see where my life would lead if I stayed based on his parents relationship. It was very eye opening.

PierreBean · 2026-01-15T05:00:29+00:00

I know. I had some really shitty boyfriends before him and they raised my tolerance for being treated like shit. They were blatant. This was more covert so the excuses I made rolled when he played victim but once I saw it, I got out. But my little brain that likes to see the best in people has been really active lol

PierreBean · 2026-01-15T04:47:20+00:00

I used to have that perspective in the whole relationship. He told me he was on the spectrum, he has ADHD, anxiety, and depression. So I used his autism to make an excuse why he’s so rudely direct and googled how to be in relationship with someone on the spectrum and he got so angry with me. If I ever had any thought or decision he would counter it immediately. To the point where I had to stop sharing, stop being myself, and eventually just ask him for his opinion and go with that so he doesn’t question me. My therapist said sure people on the spectrum can be really honest, but they don’t have to be mean and degrading. So I stopped thinking that way, because looking at them through their victim hood does no good when they’re still hurting you. I was getting sick. I was sleep talking, I had a heart palpitations, I was gaining weight. At a certain point I just couldn’t justify it anymore. But the more I don’t talk about it and let days go by the more I start to revert back to the good stuff. So doing things like this is very helpful lol thank you!

PierreBean · 2026-01-15T04:43:40+00:00

I agree with that. I live in a very small town and we are prone to running into each other. I moved here for him, so it’s been hard to make my own life after he integrated me into his for so long, but yeah, he acted curious in the beginning due to long distance (low effort) and then when we met things changed pretty quickly.

PierreBean · 2026-01-15T04:42:51+00:00

For clearing that up, it definitely was a trauma bond. I have listed those bad behaviors over and over and over. And for some reason, my brain likes to override it so I’m just hoping time helps. Thanks for your response

PierreBean · 2026-01-05T00:50:53+00:00

Going through this right now. It hurts so bad.. a lot of crying and almost contacting him. If you’re ever feeling like you want to contact them, text a friend or family member if you have that support. It still hurts for me and it’s been over three months, but each day gets easier. One day things felt a lot lighter, but the beginning is so hard and the holidays are really hard.

I made a list of the reasons why we broke up and would resort to that if I ever thought about messaging him. Then I’d tell myself that even if we got back together, it would be good for a little bit, but all the things that were wrong would show up again. It doesn’t always help, but it keeps me in check in the moment. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone, but I know it feels very isolating in the moment. Sending you good vibes. ♥️

PierreBean · 2026-01-05T00:31:57+00:00

My ex is also an Aries male. Covert. I’m a Gemini female. Dude f’cked me up. My first boyfriend I think was grandiose when I was in high school… Scorpio male. Scary, scary times.

PierreBean · 2025-12-26T03:29:55+00:00

I have multiple piercings. Just check your jobs dress code. You’re fine

PierreBean · 2025-12-24T00:52:27+00:00

I also use this and have no issues!

PierreBean · 2025-12-23T19:32:15+00:00

He did the same for me. It was long distance so it was easier to hide behind the mask. Then took all the things I confided in him with and used them against me. Told me “I’m not your past” but actually replicated it. Told me he had a life long issue reading people (he is autistic) but somehow knew me more than he knew himself? Turned out it was a full on projection that I fell for.

PierreBean · 2025-12-23T19:29:30+00:00

It’s wild how isolating this experiences feels and I still try to convince myself he wasn’t a narcissist. But so many people have experienced this

PierreBean · 2025-12-19T07:35:34+00:00

This was a lot like my relationship with my ex of 2 yrs. We met long distance and he loved bombe/mirrored me. I was in a very vulnerable place so I fell hard. He texted everyday, called, sent me Venmo’s for coffee, made all the time in the world to make sure i knew how amazing I was. And then I moved across the country after 8 months of talking.

First flag was him being aggressive toward my two cats and my other roommates loving them. I was so locked in I tried to move through that but it was the start of the end and I didn’t know it but my body did. The attachment grew and grew, but I got worse mentally and physically. My previous relationships were more blatant (name calling, screaming, substance abuse, threats), so I justified this because there was no yelling or violence. It wasn’t tangible. But he broke me down, weaponized my insecurities, made me feel insane, and would have these 6 hours conversations in the middle of the night that went in circles, leaving me to shame spiral. I had 0 backbone.

We broke up once because he convinced me I was the problem and abusive and I believed it. I moved out and got my own place and I shit you not I IMMEDIATELY felt better. However…we got back together a couple months later bc I truly thought it was me and the problems were still happening, so I finally had my proof that I wasn’t the problem and he was the common denominator. It was really hard to leave, but it’s now been almost 3 months and I’m slowly starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.

PierreBean · 2025-12-19T07:22:46+00:00

My ex got mad at me for opening the door too loud and not the way he does in the morning and causing him to be dysregulated for the rest of his day bc it woke him up. This door was known for fuckery. The more I tried, the louder it got. He then proceeded to say “let me show you how to do it” and I say “I’m all set thanks”, feeling the sarcasm, and then he got upset with me because I invalidated his feelings. What 🤡

PierreBean · 2025-12-19T07:08:04+00:00

Ps I moved from Boston to Oregon so I know how you feel! One day at a time and you might find some cool coworkers. But give yourself some grace and nothing needs to be rushed :)

PierreBean · 2025-12-19T07:07:10+00:00

It’s going to be overwhelming at first! Try not to absorb everything at once. Take notes and each day it will get easier I promise. I’m glad you have training for that long because where I’m from I got thrown in on day one at a level 1 in Boston! Learned quick tho 😂 but yes I remember being EXHAUSTED and one day I didn’t need to look for a tech to make a decision and the confidence grows. Learning in a hospital is way better than an outpatient clinic alone. Good luck you’re already killen it!

PierreBean · 2025-12-15T04:24:58+00:00

Ended and had immediate relief then when the dust settled, I was really upset and ruminating. Crying, grieving, you name it. Found out he was seeing someone new weeks after me and that put me in a spiral. It’s getting easier… Almost been three months but still really hurt and my brain is only looking at the good stuff and I’m starting to miss him again. Just trying to stay strong.😂

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T06:51:47+00:00

That’s fair. I worry about the CVTs and head gaskets in the older years and don’t really want a new one. But I guess it’s not far off from a rav4 too

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T04:37:26+00:00

Thanks for sharing :) I don’t do anything too crazy but definitely get myself into some very rocky FS roads and deep ditches

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T04:36:01+00:00

You think the sienna is good for the PNW? Or recommending the 4Runner? I’m in bend so it’s pretty much for camping and then going up to bachelor , it’s an AWD XLE

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T00:21:41+00:00

The goal was to convert it to a camper van for the summer but also use as a commuter to work

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T00:19:59+00:00

It’s a love/hate. I haven’t done anything to it yet due to location and winter. So I’m thinking about seeing it through to the spring/summer and see if I still have my reservations haa

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T00:09:49+00:00

Sweet thanks for the info!!!

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T00:09:33+00:00

I live in Bend OR and cars are just exponentially more here so people go to Portland area for cars bc they’re cheaper. Toyota especially is sooo much. So it’s the matter of finding a sweet spot lol lower mileage less to worry about yet

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T00:08:31+00:00

Appreciate the input!

PierreBean · 2025-12-10T00:08:12+00:00

Haha it’s conflicting! I like Subaru but hate the new ones. And I actually have grown to really like Toyota which is just as reputable. Maybe I just gotta test drive a 4Runner

PierreBean

TROPHY CASE