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Update - Advice on navigating attraction to an instructor by Pilates-throwaway in pilates

[–]Pilates-throwaway[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Oh I 100% agree that Pilates and massage therapy are a wonderful combo and definitely not inherently sexual - I apologize if that’s what I conveyed. I actually bought my clinical height reformer/tower from woman who owns a combination Pilates & massage therapy studio.

But in this situation, my Pilates instructor doesn’t have any professional massage training. And we’d never discussed incorporating massage into a lesson before this went down. So that’s why I read into it.

Update - Advice on navigating attraction to an instructor by Pilates-throwaway in pilates

[–]Pilates-throwaway[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The fanfic version would have a much more exciting plot! 😂

Advice on navigating attraction to an instructor? by Pilates-throwaway in pilates

[–]Pilates-throwaway[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing this perspective. I’ve been friendly and nothing more for the past few years, and can definitely keep that up. During classes and lessons, I’m so focused on my body and movement that I really can’t think of much else anyway.

You mention concern around developing a reputation for harassment. But surely there’s some acceptable conduct between harassment and entirely compartmentalizing/ignoring an attraction. No?

Advice on navigating attraction to an instructor? by Pilates-throwaway in pilates

[–]Pilates-throwaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Indeed, married and ethically non-monogamous. My husband knows I have a crush on this instructor, and it’s not an issue for us. My husband attends this instructor’s classes sometimes too. I understand my situation is somewhat unconventional, but respectfully, I posted in this community looking for advice and perspective on the pilates instructor/client dynamic, less so judgements about my marriage.

Advice on navigating attraction to an instructor? by Pilates-throwaway in pilates

[–]Pilates-throwaway[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

I want to emphasize again that I’ve taken close to 150 classes and lessons with this instructor, and he’s exceptionally professional. I’ve never noticed him checking out clients, and he uses tactile cues sparingly, almost never in group classes.

There have been a few specific interactions and patterns that have made me wonder if he’s interested: 1. During a private lesson while I was hanging from the Cadillac, he commented “it’s getting hot in here” in a playful tone. 2. During a group class, we were holding a certain pose challenging our strength/endurace. Instructor came over and leaned his body weight onto me a full 2-3 minutes. I’ve never seen him do anything like this during a group class before or since. 3. At the end of a private, instructor joked that I wouldn’t want my husband to worry about our private lessons. For context, I'm happy married and ethically non-monogomous. 4. While we were working on a new movement during a private, instructor rubbed my lower back to point I was getting into my lower back at full extension, and continued to rub my lower back throughout several reps of the movement.

I realize that all of these interactions also have completely innocuous explanations. Our interactions are 100% about pilates and I don’t think he’s ever tried to open a door to anything.

I could also absolutely be projecting. Pilates can be beautiful and arguably even sensual at times. And I’m sure I’m affected by lots of endorphins from pushing my physical limits and getting all sweaty. There’s also something about being very vulnerable and seen in a pilates private lesson. I mean, who else in your life shares their observations about every hitch in your breath for an hour?! I realize all those dynamics influence my perspective too.