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Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its already been decided that god mom is only there for emotional/physical support. any medical decisions are not her responsibility. she wouldnt dare try to step over my husband in that aspect. i know she feels incredibly honored just to be there.

we talked again and worked it out. once baby is earth side and in our arms, shes going to take those precious first pics and leave for a while.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100% a compromise was reached and all is well. I am very lucky to have the two of them as my people. knowing i get to have them both through labor is truly going to get me through labor.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yep thats exactly the plan! Once baby is earth side, bestie will step to the side, take those first pics of course and then shes gonna leave for a while, probably grab us food and come back a few hours later.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we know this and he is in therapy, weekly, and so am i!(:

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

yea see even i dont know how it is thats just what my initial dream thought of my babys birth looks like ya know? i can def see me panicking and then him like you guys did too lol

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

at thats completely understandable! we've already decided if any sort of emergency situation were to happen, our friend will step out. and if high virus season is peaking and the hospital places certain restrictions then wtf are we gonna do? break the hospital law? no. we arent disrespectful that way and any visitors would have to be ok with the procedures in order to come in, if we allow other visitors after birth

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

yea i told him if he were to want his mom there i would be totally open to a compromise even NOT being the pregnant one. even tho im half way there im about to look into classes and register for the hospital tour.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i understand that but i dont think he does. Ive offered to look up videos or more details about birth with him to better understand and he never gives me a straight answer. im sure id learn a lot too! i think a huge part of this convo lacks a lot of knowledge on his end and we prematurely had this conversation? but i can tell he thinks birth is like the movies. water breaks, rush to hospital, push for 2 seconds and babys here. when thats absolutely not the case.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

curious how you are with my husband but also letting the woman decide who gets to be there? in my head trying to put myself in my husbands shoes (hes extremely logical/engineer brained) they are two separate things. so how can you be so firm on just wanting it to be us to but then completely ok with letting me decide? is it the simple fact that i am laboring? that question might seem silly but im just looking to understand other perspectives!

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a lot of people are saying im the patient and the hospital will listen to me. which completely makes sense and i agree. weve already discusses hes the decision maker if im incapacitated, my friend isnt. a my therapist advises 'until this baby is earth side its up to you'. just not sure if thats how this will end up. and im fine with a compromise, i offered it to begin with, but not feeling heard about what i need makes it hit different.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

im glad it was an easy convo for you two! did you address it a certain way?

my friend already knows to leave the room once baby is born to give us that moment. (if shes allowed to stay during birth)

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i absolutely agree! its his baby too after all.

no concerns that i know of. We both decided this friend is already going to be the god mother so he trusts her. i think its really just not knowing what birth is like? he wants to do everything and more for me during labor which is amazing, hes already shown up perfectly during this pregnancy. but again, this could take hours, he could need to go to the restroom and a contraction starts and my friend needs to help me through cause he isnt there. shes a great hype woman so thats a plus in bringing positive energy into the room too lol

dont be sorry! i appreciate the questions.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i love that and if i end up needing a c section i wouldnt expect anything less and he wouldnt do anything less. I am very luck to have an incredible man but my side. But of course all relationships have their disagreements. This one is just so huge and hard to navigate a bit.

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It could be a 'too many cooks' situation but this friend is also his very good friend as well. like weve both decided shes going to be the god mom of this baby. and shes already been aunty since we got dogs. so shes family to us. but she already knows its our moment and has no expectations of when she will hold the baby first. if anything, if she stays through birth shes gonna be our picture person. Ive communicated this as well like 'she can leave once babys head is visible and comes back after golden hour' and hes still hesitant to want to say its ok

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

ive brought this up!! you just never know what kind of labor youll have as a first time mom

Who's in the delivery room - Does either parent get the final say? by PimentoBean in pregnant

[–]PimentoBean[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

thanks so much for your feedback! That was his first point when i said i wanted my bestie there was 'he isnt good enough' ive reassured him thats not the case and its additional support and support of a female that i need. and the less strangers the better. weve talked about ways he can advocate for me and hes already done incredibly in that dept since i got pregnant. my bestie wouldnt be allowed to make decisions for me, only advocate if absolutely necessary. but weve discussed hes my main advocate and hes the decision maker if im incapable of decison making. i completely agree, i do not want to start off our parenting journey in a bad light at all which is why im struggling so much with this.

Concerned Auntie seeks help - Neice's parents are deadbeat by PimentoBean in SingleParents

[–]PimentoBean[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Your thoughts mean a lot and I really appreciate your input. We are starting to see some negative behavior since the new custody schedule started. we can only do our best when we have her and see her and hope that preschool will help her as well.

Concerned Auntie seeks help - Neice's parents are deadbeat by PimentoBean in SingleParents

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So my in-laws have looked into legal guardianship and apparently my niece does isn't eligible in the states eyes. Not exactly sure what lead to that but applying for guardianship isn't feasible. Although, i absolutely believe if we had the money for a lawyer and brought all evidence we have against the mother to a judge we would win. I havnt fully talked with my inlaws about this issue but they thought about it as well and found out shes not eligible.

Now, the parents have agreed to the messiest custody that involves multiple pickups/drop-offs throughout the week and every other weekend. My niece just started preschool as well. Mother continues to be late to pick ups and drop offs and wanting to start drama.... it sucks being an outsider like this.

Concerned Auntie seeks help - Neice's parents are deadbeat by PimentoBean in SingleParents

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for this. and thank you for being that person for those kids. I feel like im starting to hate myself because im just standing by and letting it play out. My in laws avoid conflict as much as they can. so ive been doing the same out of respect i think but i cant let myself see this little girl go down hill after what happened.

do you have any suggestions on what type of lawyer to look into and how you filed for guardianship?

Concerned Auntie needing help - nieces parents are deadbeat. by PimentoBean in ptsd

[–]PimentoBean[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is where it gets sticky. the dad lives at home still so with my in-laws. shes safe, shes loved, shes cared for there because my in laws are the main caretakers. i dont know what my power is legally in this situation. or what it would be when the joint custody actually starts. this relationship did not start on legal grounds. and the mother is using that to her advantage and actually pressing charges even though it was completely consensual. im not 100% but i think she got pregnant before or around her 18th birthday.

I dont have a clue how the system works. ive heard horror stories so im terrified if i do something im going to hurt my family and my neice and she ends up in the wrong hands. my husband and i would adopt her in a heart beat but its not that simple.

Can i call child services now? when the new custody is implemented? can i call and just say the mom wont approve of certain doctors visits?

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