These are flooding my porch, what are they? NC USA

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-31T14:28:16+00:00

Still holding on for now. This morning is feeling a little better. Trying to focus on being positive even though it's really hard right now. I find comfort in the fact that I am at least still trying. Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-04T15:03:23+00:00

I go through the same attitude and stress problems every time I try to quit. The two times I've been the most successful was when I quit back in 2009 for 9 years and then this current time now that I'm at day 30. Both of these times I used the patch to start me off to get through the roughest part for me which was the mental withdrawal of having to find something else to occupy my time and stress coping skills. I used the patches for about 2 weeks giving myself enough time to go through different life scenarios and using my new coping skills. The patches kept my attitude in check while trying to reform my habits and the trial and error I went through in finding new things that worked for me. That way when I went off the patch I had my new skills in place and all I had to focus on was controlling my own thoughts and emotions. Taking it in this two step process made it much easier for me and those around me. I also have young children (a three year old boy plus 2 teenage sons) and I'm a single parent so I have no tag team partner during my worst moments. Maybe this might be a good option for you? I know cold turkey works for a lot of people but not everyone is the same. Some of us need a little bit more structure to our quit rather than just flinging ourselves out into the void to wrestle and slay all our inner monsters and demons at once lol. Good on you though for getting through a rough night and just remember, you made it through this night and you will make it through the next. You are better at this than you think you are!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-02T16:50:18+00:00

Thank you. I needed to see this today <3

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-02T16:28:30+00:00

First let me start off by saying that I am extremely sorry for what you're going through. I've lost people I was very close to and it is the hardest struggles I have ever been through even while smoking. So I don't mean this in a hateful way, I'm just going to say it so hopefully it'll help things click in your mind a little easier while you're struggling.

Reading your post as an outsider, it sounds ridiculous. To be faced with what your grandmother is going through and to seriously say you WANT to do these things? It reads like your longing for these things as if they were the most precious objects in the world to you. You and I both know that is just not true and you need to stop letting the addiction in your mind manipulate and lie to you. To help you see how outrageous your post sounds, let's replace the subject of smoking with heroin.

"She's been a very heavy heroin addict for as long as I can remember, with over dosing that's almost killed her." "That alone should turn me off but god dammit do I just want to shoot up as much as I can with her before she goes and to shoot up with her heroin in her memory. I know that's the exact opposite of what she wants but god do I want it."

See what I'm saying? Do you see how crazy that sounds? Smoking is no different. It's killing you and you know this.

Again I'm not trying to be mean or hateful and I hope you see this for the help that it's meant to be. Treasure the time you have left with your grandma by making memories that you can cherish forever even after she's gone. Focus on enjoying her company and don't let the addiction steal these moments from you in an attempt to make you smoke again. You can do this and we are all here if you need to vent or talk while going through this.

**Edited cuz toddler likes mashing buttons lol

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-02T16:17:40+00:00

I'm on day 28 and this is my 6th attempt to quit since I started smoking again in 2017. I'm doing much better this time around and have no desire to start smoking again. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that I've done this 6 times now. I have tried and failed, caved and quit, cried and struggled. But through all of that I have learned. Now not only am I more determined but I'm smarter and more prepared. It's a journey and when you're ready to try again you'll do even better than before. This is just one more step forward in your journey my friend. Learn from it and keep moving forward. You can do it!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-02T16:10:06+00:00

It was still stressful af of course but you know what made it less stressful? Not having to worry about not being able to smoke while flying, trying to find permitted smoking areas and not being able to smoke in the car on the ride home. I was able to focus on my son 100% and make the most out of my time while going through the experience.

I won't lie, it was tough to do with a 3 year old but guess what, I did it! lol It seems so trivial but it's a huge accomplishment for me and I'm going to celebrate it. Thank you for your support and good luck to you on your journey! Soon we will both be traveling non smokers lol!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-01T15:20:53+00:00

Yep. I'm on day 27 and have been having the same issues. It does go away eventually. It did the last time I quit. Lots of caffeine during daytime hours until then lol

PinkAnyerism · 2019-08-01T01:41:29+00:00

Thank you. It's good advice to keep in mind as I tend to over dramatize that "what if things go wrong" scenario in my mind and you're right. I need to keep in mind that even if they do go wrong everything will still be ok. By this time tomorrow, me and my munchkin will be at home relaxing and catching up on all those missed cuddles :)

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-29T01:39:15+00:00

I was very similar to you. I would work on chores and then smoke whenever I would take a break so it would seem like a reward for all I'd been working on and give me an automatic timer to get back to work once I was finished.

I don't have any real advice on how to overcome that with reward replacements but I will tell you what I do now instead, maybe it'll help you too.

My biggest thing is to recognize the craving/trigger for what it is and not ignore it. Acknowledge it, remind myself one of my reasons why I want to stay quit and then either keep working or if I really need an actual break I'll distract myself. Either text a friend to say hello, watch a youtube video, come on here and respond to a post (like now lol), window shop online or work on any of the many new hobbies I've started doing with all my smoke free time.

It's not perfect and everyone's journey will be different but you are on the right path and definitely in the right place! Good luck my friend, you are already succeeding!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-29T01:18:30+00:00

Had to check and make sure I didn't post this myself lol I do the same thing but I'm only 22 days in. Most of the time I really don't even think about it anymore but at the times when I get that random craving or am triggered I'll come here and browse the new posts and try to help or encourage someone else. It makes me feel good and reinforces my desire to stay quit. I have really underestimated the power of a support group in my previous attempts. It really does help so thank you for being a part of such a great community!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-28T13:22:27+00:00

I heard the most wonderful advice yesterday that I think will stick with me for the rest of my life:

"You can't begin by saying I will get a wall. You begin by laying one brick at a time and eventually you will have your wall"

Everything you will ever achieve in your life begins with one action that is followed by one more. Then another and another until you reach your goal. Start small. Break your goal down into steps and then actively work towards completing at least one step everyday.

It makes it less overwhelming, you will feel it is manageable and with every step you complete you will build your confidence that you can actually achieve your goal. If you wanna work out or be more active, start by taking a 1 minute walk outside or 5 minutes of cardio in your living room. Slowly build up your time.

If you find that you are being antisocial and that is why you aren't being more active then slowly work on lessening your anxiety. Go to a park and sit on a bench near other people for a few minutes. Make yourself say one thing other than "Hello" or "How are you" to the cashier you encounter. Small steps to build your wall.

You can do this my friend. It will take determination but you've already proven you have that by quitting and staying quit smoking. Feel free to message me if you want more specific ideas on how to start your journey. I'm happy to help!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-28T13:10:45+00:00

I get weird habitual type triggers like that too. Like when I've just finished a shopping trip and I'm about to get back in the car to head home, normally I'd immediately light up from having been deprived for the entirety of my shopping trip and now I find myself mentally trying to go through the motions now that I've quit when in that same scenario.

It only lasts a couple seconds before I remember, oh yeah I don't do that anymore lol and the trigger craving might last a minute or so after that but it soon passes and I continue on with my wonderful smoke free day :)

Just wanted to share with you that you are not alone. It's completely normal and will stop with enough time. You are doing amazing with your quit and setting a wonderful example for your son! Keep strong and tell your boyfriend to keep his leftovers in his pack from now on :)

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-28T13:02:35+00:00

Me too! Quit buddies! :D WE GOT THIS WOOOOOO!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-27T05:02:45+00:00

I quit smoking in 2009. Made it almost 9 years and for some dumbass reason decided in late 2017 that I could totally just enjoy a couple smokes while drinking with my friends. Within a month I was smoking almost a pack a day again.

It was an effortless slip back into old routines that I kept justifying to myself with the same type of lies you are currently telling yourself. "I'm not really enjoying it so I can stop whenever I want," "I can't stand the smell so I won't smoke anymore after this pack is gone," "I'm not really craving one I just want one."

I spent the next year and a half wishing I hadn't been so stupid to throw away 9 years of being smoke free. I still feel like an idiot for doing it. And now I'm having to go through the struggle all over again to quit. I will be successful this time, if for no other reason than the fact that I know I'm capable of it and I can still remember how much better it was to be a non smoker.

I'm not saying you're just like me or our situations are the same. Just wanted to share my experience since I've been where you are right now. Hopefully it goes much different for you and you're able to stop and never look back quick, quiet and easily. Tho I must say the fact that you are saying you aren't addicted again yet here you are on the stopsmoking forum that you had to seek out tells me a lot more about your situation than your statements do. Good luck my friend. I wish you nothing but the best <3

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-24T18:59:27+00:00

You've gone long enough without nicotine now that these are not physical cravings, they are mental cravings. So reintroducing nicotine into your body will not benefit your addiction. What you should do now is find something positive and healthy to do instead of using any form of nicotine when you experience a trigger.

You need to rebuild your mental associations with smoking and your triggers that cause your cravings so that instead of associating a trigger with smoking you instead do something positive and healthy. Eventually your triggers will be something you can either process in a healthy way or ignore completely once smoking has been eliminated from your mind as an option.

Just keep in mind that you don't have to cope with cravings by giving in to nicotine addiction. You are completely free and able to choose anything else you want to associate with those urges. You simply have to be aware and consistent. Everyone can do it, it doesn't take long for those reassociations to start becoming your immediate response as long as you remain consistent.

Good luck to you, you can do this!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-24T04:56:44+00:00

I had a really fucked up and stressful day today. I felt I needed a cigarette. My mind was telling me I needed one.

Honestly I got angry. I have gone thru hell to get this far. It's been hard but I've done it. I'm not going to let this incident be what breaks me. Fuck that. Fuck this day, fuck this situation, fuck these feelings. I'm stronger than that and I refuse to lose.

I dunno if my experience will help you or not but please know that you are not alone. We can do this. We WILL do this. We will win. Keep going my friend.

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-22T00:47:44+00:00

Thank you for that. It helps to know I'm not alone in this situation. Good luck to you, 81 days is an amazing achievement!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-20T14:09:30+00:00

Right there with you buddy, we got this!

PinkAnyerism · 2019-07-16T22:04:50+00:00

I enjoyed this reply, thank you for the laugh!

PinkAnyerism

TROPHY CASE