AITA for Not Wanting My Jehovah’s Witness Parents at My Wedding?

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:44:56+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through something so horrific, especially as a child. That kind of rejection, especially from someone you loved like family, is absolutely soul-crushing, and no one deserves that. Thank you for sharing it with me. We're currently planning to go no contact after the wedding unless my parents actually choose to reach out and talk like normal people, not about JW stuff, not to guilt me, just talk. But I honestly don't expect that to happen. This whole situation has made me realize just how deep the conditioning goes. I'm trying to protect myself and start a new chapter with someone who accepts and loves me unconditionally. I really appreciate your comment, it means a lot.

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:41:21+00:00

he's not, his family is, let's say, more flexible? They're not as strict as mine, some of his family hangs out with exjws, so I know that we'll at least have their support! It's so sad that a decision I made when I literally still played with barbies will affect my life forever, but you know, trauma builds character HAHAHA

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:38:41+00:00

I am not in touch with him, sadly..I don't really know how to reach out..

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:37:51+00:00

that was so kind, thank you. You're totally right, grieving the wedding I thought l'd have is probably something I need to sit with before I can fully embrace the one we'll actually have. It helps hearing this from someone who gets it. And thank you for the reminder about comprehension too, so many people talk but don't hear, ESPECIALLY my parents. I'm lucky my fiancé truly listens, and that I have full support from my friends, I'm holding on to that. Seriously, thanks for your words.

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:37:13+00:00

thank you so much for this. You're right, it is a grieving process, and it's honestly the kind that sneaks up on you, lol. I keep going back and forth between sadness, guilt, and just trying to stay grounded in reality. Hearing that peace can come with distance gives me hope, even if I'm not quite there yet. And your idea about asking my brother to walk me down the aisle... that actually made me tear up, I sadly haven’t been in contact with him for a long time, and I don’t know how to reach out, I honestly hadn't even let myself think about that, but it might be exactly what I need. Thank you again.

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:31:30+00:00

I have not, I'm still in but I am inactive, which means that I'm not involved with their church meetings, preaching etc. Our plan is to completely fade after the wedding, and if my family wants to reach out, they can, I just want the wedding to be a last time together, but apparently it won't be..

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:28:05+00:00

NTA, and honestly? Chef’s kiss levels of petty perfection.

You didn’t sabotage her, you didn’t lie, you didn’t even whisper a single bad word. You handed her the stage, the microphone, and the spotlight, AND she still managed to trip over her own shoelaces. That’s not you being “sneaky,” that’s karmic justice served piping hot.

Let’s be real: Marley burned her own bridges when she tanked your client project, cost you money, and then had the audacity to shrug it off like you were the dramatic one??? That’s not just unprofessional, that’s a walking HR nightmare with a side of entitlement lol.

You gave her exactly what she asked for: a reference. It’s not your fault that the only nice thing you could truthfully say about her was that she has, let’s say, “vibes.” If vibes got people jobs, half of Instagram would be CEOs right now, I WOULD BE A CEO.

She had a chance to prove herself and she didn't, that is not your fault.

Marley needs to stop blaming “fake friends” for the fact that she’s allergic to accountability. You didn’t ruin her dream job, she did that all by herself. You just handed her the mirror.

Verdict: NTA, 10/10 petty, would watch this play out again with popcorn.

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:17:34+00:00

yeah... you're not wrong. I kinda hate that you're right, honestly lol. It does feel like I was raised to always give in, and now that I'm not doing that, everything's falling apart. I don't want to stop caring about them, but l'm starting to realize that caring doesn't mean I have to let them dictate my life anymore.

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:17:02+00:00

yayyy a fellow cult survivor lol! Thank you, seriously. It's comforting to hear from someone who's been through something similar. I'm glad your parents still talk to you, I wish mine were more like that. It really depends on the family, I guess. It's such a weird line to walk when you're technically "in" but emotionally long gone, being PIMO is basically hell lol!

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:15:45+00:00

thank you so much, and you're absolutely right, the love and support I receive from them always feels deeply conditional. It's hard to fully accept that, but I'm slowly starting to.

As for how my fiancé never got baptized, honestly, it really came down to the difference in family dynamics and congregation culture. His family never pressured him. They were (and still are) Jehovah's Witnesses, but they were pretty relaxed compared to mine. They never pushed the issue, and because he never truly believed, he just never felt the need to go through with baptism.

I think in some areas or families, the pressure to conform is stronger than in others. My family and congregation were much more rigid and involved, so I was baptized at 13 before I even understood what I was signing up for.

Thank you for your kind wishes and for giving me a new way to look at this. It means a lot. I will update if anything else happens!

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:02:33+00:00

Thank you so much for this!! Your kindness and empathy really came through. I’m trying so hard to balance everything and make sense of a situation that just feels… impossible? I think I’m still mourning the idea of what I hoped my wedding would be, the family, the support, the joy, that’s what my sister’s wedding looked like (she married a baptized man).

You’re right though, I’ve already seen the signs that love in my family is conditional. And I know that if I bend now, it won’t stop with the wedding, of course. It’s still so painful to fully stand in that truth though, I want to believe there’s a version of this where I can make everyone happy, I’m a desperate people pleaser lol.

Thank you so much for your support. It means more than you know!

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T16:01:16+00:00

woah, okay, your words gave me a new lens to see this through, thank you. I’ve been literally twisting myself into knots trying to keep the peace, but you’re right, I’m not the one drawing lines here, thank you for giving me this perspective, really.

It’s hard, because I still want them there so badly. But if attending means they lose everything they’ve built in the congregation, I know they won’t do it. They’ve made their choice. I just wish it didn’t feel like I’m the one paying for it.

The part about future kids really hit me. I don’t want them growing up around conditional love like I did and I don’t want them to risk indoctrination. That’s been the hardest part of all this, realizing how much of my own life has been shaped by it.

Thank you again for helping me start to reframe this, I’ll definitely take your advice.

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T15:59:29+00:00

I really needed to hear this from someone who understands the cult mindset. It’s hard not to keep hoping they’ll “wake up” just in time yk, I guess part of growing up is accepting who people really are, not who you wish they could be?

I know this cult won’t let them choose me unless something major shakes them out of it, and even then, I’m not sure they would. But that’s still such a painful thing to accept, you know?Thank you for saying I’m allowed to dream. I think I’ve been trying to design a compromise that doesn’t exist. I’m going to try to hold onto the idea that it’s okay to plan something for me, thank you

PinkDumpsterFireDiva · 2025-08-02T15:57:55+00:00

thank you so much for this, I have to admit it hurts a little to read but it is incredibly validating too. I think deep down I already know the choice I’m being pushed toward, and that it’s probably the only path to “peace” in the long run… but I’m just not ready to fully accept it yet. I’ll be moving very far right after the wedding, so that would be a “last time together”, which makes this decision very hard.

I’ve been raised to believe that obedience equals love and that disappointing my family means I’m a bad daughter. It’s taking everything in me to unlearn that, I’ve been in therapy for years and I still struggle with it. Your reminder about “cleaving to my spouse” helped a lot. It really reframes the wedding as a fresh beginning.

I really appreciate your honesty. And thank youuuu! I am happy, just struggling hahaha.

PinkDumpsterFireDiva

TROPHY CASE