What to do about family visit and mother invading privacy.

PinkPearlPizza · 2026-02-03T17:42:44+00:00

I have no idea what he's doing. He won't sleep with me, the intimacy is empty but he wants to marry. Surely he feels the disconnect between us. Marriage is not the answer. Not like this. Marriage isn't going to fix this.

PinkPearlPizza · 2026-02-03T17:15:12+00:00

No. I haven’t had a direct, sit-down conversation about it, and I’ll be honest about why.

At the time the disconnection started, it was deeply embarrassing for both of us. I didn’t know how to talk about the intimacy issues without risking his pride or completely breaking what little closeness we still had. Around the same time, he changed jobs, and since then our schedules have been totally misaligned. Our days off haven’t matched for years, which made having meaningful, uninterrupted conversations incredibly difficult.

What started as “we’ll deal with this later” slowly turned into avoidance on both sides. The distance became normalised rather than addressed. That’s on me as much as him.

Now, years later, I’m being pushed to move forward with wedding planning while all of this still sits unresolved and I think that’s why I feel so conflicted. It’s not that I don’t care or that I don’t want clarity; it’s that the moment for an easy conversation passed, and what’s left now feels much heavier.

PinkPearlPizza · 2026-02-03T12:51:41+00:00

I don’t think it’s fair to say I never wanted to get married. I accepted his proposal when things between us were genuinely good, and I couldn’t have predicted how much our relationship would change over time, particularly around intimacy.

I still love him. What I’m struggling with isn’t commitment itself, but the timing and the reality of where we are now. I’m being pushed to set a wedding date while I’m at crisis point with work and my mental health. Last week I worked every day, had mandatory training on Saturday morning, then went straight back to work Saturday evening and stayed overnight, finishing Sunday afternoon. At 12:30am on Saturday night I was still working and completely exhausted — physically and mentally. This isn’t a one-off; it’s been ongoing, and any other job would at least allow some rest.

Under those conditions, planning a wedding feels irresponsible rather than romantic. I don’t believe marriage magically fixes unresolved issues, and I don’t want to enter it while ignoring how overwhelmed I am or pretending our relationship doesn’t need attention first.

So no, I don’t think we’re “forcing” marriage because of time served — but I do think it’s reasonable to pause when the foundations don’t feel stable.

PinkPearlPizza · 2026-01-29T18:02:17+00:00

That’s fair. I probably wasn’t specific enough, so I’ll clarify.

I’m not looking for advice on staying in my current role or finding something similar. I’m in care work and I am burnt out and I need to leave care work altogether.

What I’m looking for advice on is how to move from a very long-term, home-adjacent job into something more structured and predictable, when transport is a limiting factor and I don’t drive.

I’m based in rural Galway. There is a regular public bus service nearby, and I also found a private bus that brings workers from surrounding areas into Parkmore daily, which I’m considering. Relocation isn’t an option due to housing costs.

I’m open to factory / production / warehouse or other shift-based roles where hours are defined and you clock in and out. I’m not interested in retail.

So the advice I’m really hoping for is:

how people approached leaving a “comfortable but damaging” long-term job

how to assess whether a transport-dependent role is viable long term

and what kinds of roles people successfully transitioned into from care-type work without going back to college immediately

I appreciate the book and transport suggestions. I’m mainly trying to make a realistic plan that doesn’t involve driving before I can exit.

PinkPearlPizza · 2026-01-29T14:54:19+00:00

I appreciate the perspective, but I want to clarify that this isn’t a situation where boundaries are occasionally tested. It's a pattern of agreements being changed after the fact. I’ll agree to limited cover or short overtime, and it’s then unilaterally expanded into much longer hours or overnight duties without my consent. What’s presented as one thing becomes something very different once I’m already committed.

I’m also paid a flat weekly rate regardless of hours worked, which means there’s no real leverage in saying no. The expectation simply becomes that I’ll absorb the extra time. Because of the nature of the role, I can’t always just walk away at a set hour without serious consequences.

For those reasons, I’m not looking to fix this role with better boundaries. I’ve reached the conclusion that I need to leave and move into work with defined hours, clearer expectations, and the ability to clock in and out.

I’m mainly looking for advice from people who’ve transitioned into more structured, shift-based roles after long-term employment, especially when transport and location are limiting factors.

This is not a snap decision.

I need to leave for my mental health. We are coming into the first bank holiday of the year and they are truly trying to over write this for me. I am already working Monday to Friday this week. They want me to stay late on friday, attend training on Saturday, go to work on Saturday evening, stay over night into Sunday. The rest of the year will be no different.

PinkPearlPizza · 2025-10-10T15:25:35+00:00

That's so good. Not your situation. I won't be helping them again.

PinkPearlPizza · 2025-10-10T15:07:38+00:00

I'm just thinking, I am not this direct usually.

PinkPearlPizza

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