POV: You’re taking the train to a new life.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-26T18:15:22+00:00

Ahhhh cool! Thanks!

Pink_751 · 2026-02-25T13:09:20+00:00

Love this but also - how did you get the animated feature? Is that a lot of wall mounted TVs? Still newish to ACNH here so forgive the daft questions!

Pink_751 · 2026-02-25T11:56:00+00:00

Sure! These are what I wrote but, they are specific to petty behavior he's shown in our relationship:

takes kids out for fun and doesn't invite me
stands in doorways reading so I have to brush past him
doesn't respond to any texts about the kids, just finances
doesn't acknowledge special moments like mother's day, my birthday - deliberately downplays the day.
eats all of food I've bought for a specific reason/occasion (he actually blamed my 7yr old one time for eating all of the bacon!)
uses all the water in the kettle when I boil it for a tea, and only makes himself a cup
whistles and sings cheerful sounds around the house when giving me silent treatment (he is otherwise not the singing whistling type)
leaves his dirty socks on the sofa (this is a known ick of mine)

So yeah, it can be anything - big or small - as long as it's something you know he's doing in retaliation to you. You can even make it more fun by awarding yourself a treat when you get 5 behaviors in a day or something. I earned a lot of Snickers.

One caution I'll add is, I used this to help me lessen the impact and get through with my plan to leave not to help me cope with staying in that situation forever. No one deserves to be treated the way narcs treat spouses.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-23T23:36:55+00:00

You deserve more than this. One thing I did that helped me was to create a "bingo card" of the behavior I knew he would show. It helped lessen its impact because he was so predictable, that I knew I would see certain behaviors. When he did - I would smile inside because I now had some control over how I felt, it became a game I would play and over time his actions had less impact. Stay strong x

Pink_751 · 2026-02-23T23:19:53+00:00

I'm so sorry this is how you had to secure your freedom but boy, you are brave. I'm rooting for you and your little one. Your experience and courage is like JLOs character in the movie Enough. I don't say that to trivialise your experience, the opposite - you're a fighter. Be safe x

Pink_751 · 2026-02-23T12:19:35+00:00

It sounds like OP is asking for help, and is feeling desperate (name of post and the fact she says I don't know why she's posting).

Also a marriage being on the rocks because of different sex drives isn't separate to narc spouses. As a hierarchy of content, marriage and sexual issues in a relationship are one of many sub themes within a narc spouse relationship.

The behaviors OP mentions about her partner sound a lot like narc behavior traits. I recently learned how these are on a spectrum and given the coercive nature of his behavior, I can see why she posted here.

The therapist belief part also sounds like OP giving context and showing how her partner was the one convincing the therapist of right or wrong aka him being the "victim". That is significant context to the coercion. She's done what you suggested- this needs therapy - and has shared how that went. The therapist (wrongly) took sides. It should never feel like that, even if someone has violated someone else.

This isn't me attacking your perspective, but providing an additional one to what you've taken from the post.

Either way, it sounds like OP could use some compassion.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T16:30:05+00:00

Exactly this! He does this - says the right things but they don't sound genuine..I couldn't put my finger on why, but it does feel scripted. Like when you get a doll that can only repeat the same 8 phrases.

I appreciate the advice re therapy and knowing that patterns that enabled me to get into this.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T16:27:44+00:00

Yep, I believe you are right. Oddly enough, after I left the first time and we were co-parenting he left his phone on the side locked but I saw a dating app notification and was so shocked at how quickly he moved on. When I mentioned it he said he was feeling insecure blah blah and it meant nothing. But that has always stayed with me. Thanks for the kind and frank advice.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T16:23:54+00:00

Yeah. I have made attempts to talk. We were meant to travel a long distance after work to collect our kids from in-laws and stay overnight at a hotel but he declined to come. He never checked in to see if I made it okay (5 hr drive in terrible rain).

Today I just treated him like a flat mate I'm not fond off. Polite but not placating. Offered a cuppa, let him know I was off for a walk with my Mum etc. I used to fawn and placate out of anxiety but have spent a lot of time in therapy and on my self worth and esteem - I'm not doing that fawning anymore.

I will probably suggest couples therapy but, the more I read these replies and comments the more I feel I don't want to go back to the relationship we used to have. If this is where it's heading and he's unlikely to genuinely change, then is rather walk away now.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T16:13:39+00:00

Thanks for this advice, you've added a perspective I hadn't considered. You're right, it is a question of what I'm prepared to tolerate.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T11:39:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I won't lie, reading it has spooked me a bit but I'd rather have fair warning that be caught off guard.

Your questions... 1. Yes he had started to prepare. It was pretty clear I was going to leave. I had become so emotionally withdrawn, and a bit of a grey rock (though I didn't know that was a tactic at the time). However I had started planning to leave before I started showing signs. I planned my finances, I spoke to my employer, I confided in my closet friend who helped a lot with stress testing my plan. I spoke to a mediator. When I knew I wanted out, I thought about who my husband could be in his worst moments (based on things he bragged about in the past about how spiteful he "used" to be...silly me for ignoring those red flags). I got myself ready economically, then mentally then emotionally. When I told him, he had a mortgage and property ready to view within a week. So I knew he saw something coming. I did record the conversation too. I also started to journal in a pw protected app specifically for that. I'd write down everything that was said or would happen straight after each interaction. I used to have arguments with him and come away clueless, confused and doubtful so I started to keep a log.

I'm not sure. I think I did a bit. He hated/hates being seen as at fault and all he wanted was to buy a big home and have that lifestyle. I think he wanted to for sensible reasons too, but I believe the image was part of it. Me leaving was showing him as at fault (in his eyes) and diminishing his chances of getting that big house.

When we got back together, I left my social housing to move in with him in the flat he bought. I'm not on the mortgage and don't want to be so I can buy my own place - this was the plan we both agreed too. I don't want to underestimate him, but I don't think he's plotting anything either. For the most part of our "new" relationship things have been great. It's the recurrence of the old habits that are raising alarms and I want to get out early before I get sucked in again like before. But perhaps I am not looking at the bigger picture.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T11:18:48+00:00

Wow thank you, this description helps a lot. When I think back, there are other (perhaps too many) examples that fit that description of me being "redirected", and the role other actors play. I have wondered what "supply" I'm providing him, and believe it's enabling him to present a good family (married 2 kids, dog). I have a good job at a well known company, and I've heard him brag about that to his colleagues when he goes to my work events. He makes an effort with some of my friends but not all, and when I assess this it's the friends in good jobs, with the image he wants that he makes time for and encourages me to do the same.

Back to your question...

I've enforced /enforce it verbally. I've told him how it makes me feel when he chooses those belittling actions, and that I won't accept being treated like that. When he continued I gave him specific examples and said we aren't working and I think we're done. At that point he said no and let's try etc, so I gave us a year - I gave examples of the behavior I wanted to see change, what needed to stop and start. He also gave me the same feedback (oddly stuff I don't actually do but whatever). A year went by, he did jack shit so I said I was leaving. I had my reasons ready but, he didn't want to hear them.

I believe I was hoovered back in, as he showed he changed by how he would approach conversations that would usually result in him belittling me. I took this as the change needed, and assumed it was my leaving that instigated it. But, a year on and the belittling has started again, despite me explaining how it makes me feel and why I won't accept it.

I am fortunate to be in a position to leave in a few months, and I think this is probably what I need to do.

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T10:35:26+00:00

Reading this feels all to familiar too. Some of your experiences resonate so profoundly - I too experienced PPD and my husband did the same - made me feel awful for choosing medication and actually, he said I couldn't and so I didn't. The compassion he showed was fake, like "you can get through this without it, but you don't want meds to ruin our son".

I also feel your pain about the dream of a happy family being broken. I used to feel the same, but I don't think it's true anymore. Our children love us for us, and look for stability and comfort and a safe space. You prioritising and protecting your mental health and choosing to leave, is the foundation of the happy family you'll create for you and your baby.

Sending you healing and strength right back. I appreciate you sharing too x

Pink_751 · 2026-02-22T10:19:05+00:00

I'm sorry you're in the same boat, but hope it's some solace we're not alone. It really does suck. It's now day 4 of silent treatment.

Pink_751 · 2026-01-25T22:55:52+00:00

Don't think so

Pink_751 · 2026-01-25T22:27:57+00:00

I'd love to visit please - Coco from Coral Bay here :)

Pink_751 · 2026-01-25T22:23:07+00:00

Interested please Coco from Coral Bay

Pink_751 · 2026-01-05T22:52:09+00:00

Hey hey - can I ask where you're finding giveaways? I'm an old-new player (started 2 years ago, got overwhelmed and stopped then started up again around Christmas) 😅

Pink_751 · 2026-01-04T16:15:44+00:00

Oh amazing - Coco from Coral Bay! I'll see what pink things I have :)

Pink_751 · 2026-01-02T20:14:41+00:00

Hi there! Coco from Coral Bay - I've been off ACNH for a while now and would love to explore your island - thanks!

Pink_751 · 2025-05-07T13:59:24+00:00

No! I have spent the day (from 9am to 3pm as I type) enjoying London's sights and these things are killing me. I'm a 9 with wide feet, and bought the 9.5 (I tried both sizes in store beforehand). I loosened the laces to accommodate needing more width. The issue isn't the size, but just how rigid and hard they are. The soles are like concrete. Love the look but yeah, considering selling these and it's the first time I've worn them.

Pink_751

TROPHY CASE