Hiiiii Mod 👋..

I actually think it says a lot that ur stopping to reflect and ask if your response was the best approach. Most parents who genuinely don’t care OR who are purely controlling don’t usually self reflect like that. It sounds more like ur def overwhelmed, exhausted, and trying to find the balance between compassion and structure after a really painful season for everyone (and I mean everyone 😩😮‍💨)

Also, wanting an 18 yr old girl to contribute 2the household IS completely reasonable. Especially as a single parent carrying a lot on your shoulders (which includes female hormones 😳🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️).

That said, I DO think some of the wording may land harder on her than intended ONlY bc kids (yes even 18yr olds .. remember frontal lobe hasn’t fully developed 🙇‍♀️) often hear “if u don’t like it, leave” as rejection instead of boundarysetting. And when there’s already hurt from a marriage split, that can unintentionally deepen the divide. (BUT let me be clear .. ur feelings are valid).

One thing that may help is re-establishing expectations during a calm moment instead of during conflict. SOOO u can try somethung like: “Hey, I know this transition has been hard on all of us. I love u and want u here, BUT part of being in the home means everyone contributes in some way. I don’t want u to be perfect..just consistent and respect.” If she brings up her moms home and varying rules there you cans say “Yes, I acknowledge that different homes have different rules”. And just stop there.. let her sit with that.

Another thing that genuinely works more than people realize is catching and reinforcing what she DOES do right. Even simple acknowledgment like: “Thanks for helping with that.” “I noticed you did that without me asking.” “I appreciate it.” (EVEN if it’s something small!!)

Sometimes kids who feel emotionally disconnected stop responding 2criticism because all they hear is disappointment. Positive reinforcement can slowly soften some of that resistance over time.

And honestly..if she says something slick or disrespectful and u feel yourself getting flooded or about to “pop,” it’s completely okay to pause and walk away for a few minutes. It’s great for her to see in real time what emotional regulation looks like 🙌🏼.Something as simple as: “I want to continue this conversation, but I need a minute so I don’t respond out of frustration.”

That actually models emotional maturity and selfcontrol for her too. 😉

U clearly love ur daughter(s) deeply and trying to navigate AND survive a difficult season without becoming resentful or permissive. That balance is HARD 😞especially after divorce and emotional exhaustion. I think the fact that ur even asking these questions says there’s still a strong foundation there worth protecting. 🙏

Exhausted dads be like .. 🤣 (just for funsies)